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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 1
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
NFL training camp is the time when 32 professional football teams really think they have a chance to go all the way. We're here to show some of them that, yes, they can, go all the way to the Bottom Ten medal stand!
The road to The Dan Henning Trophy, however, is fraught with peril, as last year showed. St. Louis lost their first eight and lost their last four and only finished third. The Chiefs lost their last nine games and didn't even make the medal stand. The Cardinals - and we're still not entirely sure, no one is, really, how this happened - won eight games. It's a minefield every year, and 2008 ain't going to be any different.
The opening week poll, as the nags approach the starting gate:
2007 record, first week opponents in parenthesis
1. Oakland (4-12; Denver)
Flies In The Ointment: Once proud franchise has won 19 games the past five seasons, and has not won more than four games in a season since winning AFC title in 2002. Bizarre owner, young starting QB, boy head coach, does not inspire pollster confidence that anything will change this year.
The Quest For .500: Despite recent lousiness, Raiders (400-275-11) still must lose every game through week 13 in 2015 to get to historical .500.
2. Arizona (8-8; at San Francisco)
Flies In The Ointment: Have had one (1) winning season in last 23 (23) years…General Cardinal malaise to blame, of course, but Matt Leinart playing like he's never heard of the QB position before isn't helping, either…Fortunately Cardinals able to rely on Kurt Warner, who is only 37 and just six seasons removed from his last MVP award.
Look Out Below: Cardinals (451-638-39) are NFL's historical .500 juggernaut, requiring an unbeaten string lasting through week eleven of the 2020 season to reach historical .500.
3. Miami (1-15; NY Jets)
Flies In The Ointment: Bad News: In past three seasons, Dolphins have gone from nine to six to one win...Good News: It's tough to go winless in NFL - as the Dolphins well know - so there's nowhere to go but up.
Long Way To Go: Historically good Dolphins would have to go winless for the next seven-and-a-half years to reach historical .500 (362-242-4).
4. Cincinnati (7-9; Opening Loss: @ Baltimore)
Flies In The Ointment: After first consecutive winning seasons since Ford Administration, Bengals now a complete mess and appear to be reverting to form that produced 14 straight non-winning seasons from 1991-2004.
Uh-Oh: Bengals (253-326-1) would have to go undefeated through week 9 of the 2013 season to get back to historical .500.
5. Bret Favre (All-time NFL interceptions leader)
Flies In The Ointment: Couldn't leave well enough alone and go out more or less on top, he refused to listen to his body, brain and stay retired…Despite tiring his arm out after just two practices, Favre not doing too bad for Jets, but Packers will end up getting some old chin straps instead of conditional draft pick in exchange for aging QB.
He Loves To Play:Thanks to ESPNFavre, fans didn't have to miss any of the latest breaking news!
Caught In The Lint Trap:
6. AFC East - Only NFL division where second through fourth place teams failed to win as many games (12) as division champion (16).
7. Beijing Games - Had requisite number of inspired athletic achievements, but censorship, repression and Tibet issues - things nobody really cares about though we really should - remain.
7A. Beijing Games II - The Bird's Nest is the ugliest stadium in human history.
8. St. Louis (3-13) - Historic 0-8 start and strong 0-4 finish ruined by winning three out of four in between…B-10 medal stand hopes rest on more consistent effort.
9. Kansas City (4-12) - Rounding into mid-season form by getting shut out at Miami last week!...Begins season with NFL-best nine (9) game losing streak!
10. Atlanta (4-12) - Porous defense, lousy offensive line and rookie QB = Bottom Ten glory!...Falcons only NFL team in 2007 with three different losing streaks of at least three games, with skids of three, three an six games!
Opening Week Clash of the Titans: Arizona at San Francisco - Teams so bad NFL once banished this match up to Mexico!
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Cincinnati at Baltimore
Let's Screw CBS II: NY Jets at Miami
Great, Thanks Fate: The game all Bottom Ten fans wanted to see last year is happening this year, as the Dolphins and Rams will meet at St. Louis on Nov. 30.
Threats? Recipes? Trivia question answers? Email The Writer's Shack Here!
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