Later, were on the shuttle to MGM. I'm sitting behind Radtke and across from Brandon. We had been detained for an hour or so after work so the Director of Security could favor us with an audience and Brandon was on the phone to the wife apologizing for coming home from work late.
I leaned forward and whispered to Radtke that that is why you stayed single, so you don't have to call and apologize for coming home from work late. Radtke nodded appreciatively and said he was looking forward to talking to Nong tomorrow night.
"What Charlie unit are you?" I asked.
He shrugged. I might as well of asked him at what speed Venus rotated on its axis; he didn't know.
"How can you expect to plan this evolution ahead of time it you don't know what your schedule for the last three hours is?"
Nong comes on at 0400, and it is entirely possible Radtke could be sentenced to a schedule that doesn't allow for talking to dealers. It's good to know these things in advance. I then asked him if he bothered to know her break schedule. Dealers deal for an hour, then get a 20-minute break. With a minimum of effort you can figure out when your woman will be at her table and when she won't.
"Jesus Christ!" Radtke said. "You're a stalker!"
I showed Radtke a palm.
"Information gatherer, young man." I turned my palms up like they were a scale measuring something. "I merely aggregate various sources of information for my benefit. Information is power. It's the key to the bachelor life.
"But you don't even ask women out! You just stalk them."
I raised an index finger.
"By choice, young man, by choice. There is no need for the commotion of a relationship right now."
I leaned in.
"Remember Brandon," I whispered. "You don't want to be calling and apologizing for being late."
He saw my point.
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For the third time this week I dined with Princess Emma and, as usual, she sought me out. If I didn't know better I'd swear she Likes me, which we've already established isn't the case.
We were having a very pleasant time when Radtke walked up and pulled up a chair.
"Hey, mind if I join you?"
"Of course not, Radtke," I said. "I'm sitting here with a pretty, single young lady, I'd love to have you join us!"
"Fine," he said, sitting down. "I'll go sit somewhere else then."
"Really?" I said encouragingly. "Could you?"
Both Princess Emma and Radtke laughed. Since he was sitting down anyway, I graciously allowed Radtke to join us.
Our main topic of conversation was Radtke's crush on Nong, who happened to be sitting a few tables over. We didn't identify her to Princess Emma - I cited privacy issues - but that didn't stop me from blabbing the fact that Radtke had a crush on someone sitting in the EDR right now!
I announced I would be Radtke's mentor on this one, the one responsible for guiding him to the dating Promised Land.
"You?" Princess Emma said, finding it rather amusing.
I nodded solemnly.
"Look, before he came to me he didn't even know her days off or her break schedule or anything."
"That's stalking!" Princess Emma said.
Sigh. There's that word again. I pointed out that no, it wasn't stalking, thank you, merely the accumulation of information. Princess Emma, and Radtke for that matter, remained skeptical.
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