Right after that I was sent to 23 to chase down a drunk who was bouncing off walls and knocking on doors trying to find his room, which is not all that uncommon a call at Monte Carlo. It resulted in one of the funniest episodes I've ever experienced.
I get to 23 and I find him near the end of the 300 wing, mostly standing, though a wall is heroically providing support. He's a trim, handsome kid, probably mid-20's with an Aussie accent.
"Good morning, sir." I said, approaching.
He looks at his wrist; there's not a watch on his wrist, but he consults it anyway.
"It is morning, isn't it?" he asked, pronouncing each word slowly, as if we were discussing a matter of grave importance.
We chatted for a bit and he is too far gone to actually remember what room he is in, though he seems to think his room number had a three and a couple of two's in it. He gives me his ID and I radio dispatch with his name and soon enough we have his room number. I tell him I would be happy to escort him to his room, mentioning that he does seem to be a little drunk.
"Sir...I...am...veeeeeeeeery...drunk."
I laughed.
"That's all right. That's what I'm here for."
"You, sir, are a legend," he said, waving his hand to indicate Legend status had been wasted on mere mortals until this moment in human history. We get to his floor and head to his room and there is another bloke about the same age and intoxication level near the door.
"Do you know this guy?" I ask as we walk towards the room.
"Unfortunately," he said, still pronouncing his words as if world peace depended on proper pronunciation.
"Are you in the same room?"
He nods solemnly, as if this fact doesn't particularly please him.
"Can you arrest him?" he asks.
"Sure," I said, nodding. "Any particular charge?"
"It doesn't matter," he said, shaking his head dismissively. Then, as if this brilliant idea just occurred to him, "Shoot him!"
I laugh.
"I can't," I said. "I don't have a gun."
"Do something!" he says, almost hissing. "Put him on the ground. Make him shit!"
His friend had come down to meet us. He's a blonde kid with dental issues.
"Your friend wants me to arrest you." I said.
His friend nods confirmation of this fact and the blonde kid tries to hug his long lost drinking buddy. The first guy tries to push him away, but the blonde kid's persistent.
"Sir, please don't let him in my room. I don't know him."
"Sir," I said to the blonde guy. "What's this guy's name?"
"Kevin," he says confidently. That is, in fact, the guy's name.
"That's good enough for me!" I said, opening the door to their room.
"No, it isn't!" Kevin said.
Eventually I pour them both into their room, and both reaffirm my Legend status.
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