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The Human Zoo/September 30, 2011
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around The Human Experience...
CAN I DIE, PLEASE? THANK YOU IN ADVANCE: Oregon convict Gary Haugen, sentenced to die for a 2004 jailhouse killing has spent most of this year trying to die, but his lawyers and the courts keep interfering. He had been scheduled to die on August 16, but the Oregon Supreme Court butted in and ordered both a mental health evaluation and a competency hearing. The judge in the case heard expert testimony that Haugen is, indeed, sane enough to request his own death. Next on the list is a private interview with the judge, who, if he thinks Haugen is competent enough to request his own death, will then issue a death warrant.
Oh Jesus H: The usual death penalty foes are making noises about intervening, but they should butt out. We're on record as saying the death penalty should be abandoned because we have executed innocent people, but it is the law right now and if a condemned man wants to waive his appeals and have his sentence executed, so be it. Let him.
Hard Time: Not too many people get executed in Oregon, though, mainly because the system takes so long to work. One Oregon death row inmate took 20 years to have the first step in his appeals - a mandatory state Supreme Court appeal - completed because the court kept sending the case back to the county of origin for various reasons. If everything goes on schedule, which it won't, this inmate will have to wait over 40 years before being put to death.
Oh Yeah: Haugen would be the third Oregon execution since 1984. The other two also waived their appeals.
GREAT MOMENTS IN RELGIOUS TOLERANCE: Youcef Nadarkhani, a Christian pastor in Iran of all places, was sentenced to death in 2010 by Iranian courts for rejecting Islam and having the nerve to choose which religion he chose to practice and preach. He was given opportunities this week to renounce his faith and may well already have been hanged. Nadarkhani, 34, and with a wife and two kids, has been in custody since October, 2009 and he was sentenced to death in September, 2010. At about the same time his wife was arrested, apparently in an attempt to get him to renounce his faith. It didn't work, and she was released after a few months.
Just The Facts: The ruckus started when Nadarkhani got his shorts in a knot because his son was made to recite from the Koran in school.
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah: The usual calls for religious tolerance are issued and all that. It would be nice if Nadarkhani could practice his religion as he sees fit, but he can't. That's the way the world is built, though, and has been built throughout history.
Truth To Tell: Honestly, if I'm a Christian cleric in a Muslim nation and the authorities want to put me to death because of it, I have one question for them: which way's Mecca, because I am going to start bowing in that direction right now.
Because I'll tell you what, you have to be adaptable in this life. Adhering to your religious beliefs is nice, and it would be nice if everybody tolerated them, but sitting in heavenly splendor at the right hand of the Father isn't going to do your kids any good when they need a daddy to kick the soccer ball around with or take them to their first stoning.
If Nadarkhani has some martyr in him and is willing to die, well, too bad for his wife and kids. Fate dealt them a lousy card and history chalks up another victim in religion's long, intolerant march.
PLAY BALL: We heard a rumor the baseball playoffs were beginning and we did some of our famous research on the matter and, sure enough, they begin today with the American League playoffs starting. The National League playoffs begin Saturday.
Further research - necessary because nobody has paid attention to baseball since football season began - indicated that baseball is not completely shooting themselves in the foot this year. They have eliminated days off between games one and two and games three and four that happened from time to time in past years, and both League Championship Series will begin the weekend of October 8.
There's still room for improvement, though. In order for baseball to claim October for its very own again they need to play everyday, except for travel days. Both League Championship Series should begin two days after the last division series ends, instead of on a fixed date. Last year the Giants and Phillies had to wait four and five days respectively for the NLCS to begin and there is no greater way to kill interest in the baseball playoffs than to take four days off.
Also: Nobody asked, but if they extended the first round to a best-of-seven game series, and every series went seven games, the World Series would still end on October 30. We're on board with this, too. If baseball is going to make teams potentially travel twice in a five game series, which is silly, they should make the series best-of-seven.
I DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR…OR WILL WHEN I GET THERE: The first two US Senators, William Maclay and Robert Morris, are elected on this date in 1788 by the Pennsylvania legislature.
Going...Going...Gone: Babe Ruth of the New York Yankees breaks the single season home run record on this date in 1927. Ruth breaks the record of 59 he set in 1921, and this is the fourth time Ruth has set the single season home run mark.
Never Again…At Least Until The Next Genocide: 22 Nazis are found guilty of war crimes at the Nuremburg Trials on this date in 1946. Of the 22, twelve were sentenced to death. Of those, ten walked to the gallows. Hermann Goring killed himself a few hours before his execution, and Martin Bormann had been convicted despite the fact he had killed himself in 1945.
Thought For The Day: (This) whole book…has been written under the influence of a kind of religious awe produced in the author's mind by the view of that irresistible revolution which has advanced for centuries in spite of every obstacle and which is still advancing in the midst of the ruins it has caused. - Alexis De Tocqueville, Democracy in American
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Frederick Muhlenberg of Pennsylvania was the first Speaker of the House of Representatives.
Today's Stumper: The trivia question will return. Honest.
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