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The Human Zoo/September 29, 2011
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around The Human Experience...
NOW HEAR THIS: One of our favorite sports arguments is the one concerning records that will never be broken. Some whack job Internet writer came up with his own list, most of which are without merit.
Seventy Times Seven: Never is a long time, and we think the list of records that will never be broken is fairly short, on the theory that if someone did it once, someone could probably do it again.
Conspicuous By His Absence: We blab about this record whenever this subject comes up, because we are the only ones who think of it: Wilt Chamberlain's record of 55 rebounds in an NBA game will be very hard to break. That's one rebound a minute, plus rustling up seven more. Good luck.
There might be one or two others. The Isner/Mahut tennis match last year will never be duplicated; that a fifth set actually went 70-68 is almost beyond comprehension. One of Wayne Gretzky's hockey records might be out of reach. Some baseball records will not be broken simply because it's a different game than it was in the 1800's. We can babble about this later.
Silly Goose: One record on this 'writer's' list that is completely without merit though: Usain Bolt's current 100 meter record of 9.58 seconds.
Oh dear me. It's not really reasonable to think that any track and field record will last forever and ever. It's not possible. We're human. We evolve. We get taller, stronger and faster and to think Bolt's record will never be broken is not deserving of serious consideration.
But it might be awhile before it's broken.
Consider This: Bolt has set the record three times, first in 2008 at 9.72 seconds, and the last time in August, 2009, when he ran 9.58 in Berlin. In between he broke the record at the Beijing Olympics.
Some Places Have Interns For This: So in just over a year Bolt lowered record by .14 seconds, a phenomenal amount for that short a period. You may not know this - we do because we researched it - but on average it takes the human species 19 years to lower the men's 100 meter record by .14 seconds, making Bolt so far ahead of his time, almost Beamon-esquely ahead of his time, his record may well last for awhile.
The Bottom Line: But to expect to stand forever is silly. What the hell's going on with this country? Does anybody think they can just hop on the Internet and write whatever they hell they want?
HUT, HUT HIKE: Official Writer's Shack faves the Mount Union Purple Raiders moved to 3-0 overall and 2-0 in the dangerous Ohio Athletic Conference (OAC), squeaking past always tough Wilmington 66-7 last Saturday.
Complying with a new NCAA rule mandating that all teams that have won ten NCAA national championships must put up ten times as many total yards as points, our Raiders gained 670 yards of total offense in the win. They were pretty stingy on defense, too, allowing only 16 yards on the ground.
Road Trip: Mount Union hits the road for the first time this season, traveling to Ohio Northern Saturday to take on the Polar Bears.
TripTik: Ohio Northern is located in Ada, Ohio, which is about halfway between Toledo and Dayton, and about 40 miles from the Indiana line.
FunFact: Wilson Sporting Goods makes NFL footballs in Ada, Ohio.
FunFact II: Mount Union leads the series 39-13-1. Mount Union took the first meeting, 52-0, on Thanksgiving Day in 1907, and they won last year, too, 27-0. The Polar Bears don't beat Mount Union all that often. Their last win was a 21-14 win in 2005, and before that their last win was in 1984, 14-9.
Write This Down: The 2005 loss is the last regular season loss for Mount Union.
The School From Up North: Following a week off, defending national champion Wisconsin-Wherever, returns to action against UW-Platteville.
Yeah, Yeah, We Know: UW-Wherever has won 33 straight games, the longest current streak in any NCAA division. That's nice and all, but our Mount Union Purple Raiders own the two longest winning streaks in NCAA football history, 55 and 54 games.
WE THE PEOPLE: The first session of the first United States Congress adjourns on this date in 1789.
Bravo Zulu: Unfettered by political parties, the 20 senators and 59 representatives did useful work. The first bill it passed was a bill authorizing the time and manner that oaths to assorted federal officers would be delivered. The departments of State, War and Treasury were established, as were the office of the Attorney General. Provisions for the Supreme Court a lower courts were made as well.
Ten-Hut: Empowered by their Congressional mandate, the War Department forms a standing army on this date in 1789. It totals several hundred men.
3…2…1…Blastoff:The Canadians get into the space racket on this date in 1962, when Alouette 1 is launched. Alouette 1 would spend ten years studying the ionosphere before being switched off and still IT orbits the Earth.
Play Ball…But Just This Once: John Paciorek of the Houston Astros, then known as the Colt 45's, starts and ends his big league career on this date in 1963.
Playing in right field, Paciorek, 19, goes 3-for-3 with two walks, four runs scored, three runs batted in and a couple of good defensive plays. To date, he is the only major league player to go 3-for-3 in his career. Paciorek had back surgery in 1964, and hung around the minors for a few more years, but he never made it back to the big leagues.
Oh Yeah: The Colt 45's, in a dog fight with the New York Mets for last place in the National League, defeated the Mets, 13-4.
Oh Yeah II: Paciorek isn't the only record setting major leaguer to play his last game on this date in 1963. Stan Musial of the St. Louis Cardinals, then holder of 17 major league and 29 National League records, also plays his last game.
His last at-bat come in the sixth inning, and he gets single that scored Curt Flood to give the Cardinals a 1-0 lead. Musial had previously announced his retirement, so it was not a bulletin when manager Johnny Keane trotted Gary Kolb out to run for him.
Musial finished the day 2-for-3 with an RBI, and the Cardinals beat Cincinnati 3-2 in 14 innings.
Thought For The Day: It is natural for man to indulge in the illusion of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth. - Patrick Henry, the Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death speech to the Virginia legislature, 3/23/1775.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Bahrain, Oman, Kuwait and the United Arab Emirates are the other nations who have granted women the right to vote in this century.
Today's Stumper:Who was the first Speaker of the House of Representatives? - Answer next time!
Comments? Recipes? Complaints? Email the Writer's Shack here!
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