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The Daily Dose/March 29, 2010
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around the Human Experience...
BUMP, SET, SPIKE: We played volleyball recently. This should be considered a bulletin because we seldom engage in competitive sports because not only did we long ago lose what little competitive instincts we had, we never particularly good athletes so why bang your head against the wall, you know?
And this wasn't even a case of The Woman making her famous 'noises' about playing some volleyball because this isn't an activity we usually, if ever, engage in. We simply found ourselves in possession of an invitation to play volleyball - who isn't nowadays, really? - and we could not think of a decent reason not to.
Scouting Report: I serve pretty well. Not like they do in the Olympics where they're jumping ten feet in the air and 15 feet forward before ramming the ball down their opponents throats, but I am able to serve overhand and get it over the net virtually every time. This skill is not on par with anything too difficult because it had been years since we played volleyball and even we were able to recover this skill in short order.
Shocker: This appears to be my only useful skill, though. Unless I was able to dictate placement of the ball before I hit it, like you can on a serve, I did my team some zero good, preferring to hit the ball off to the side or even behind us rather than over the net to our opponents. Presuming I got an arm on the ball in the first place, which you simply can't take for granted with yours truly.
It also didn't help we were playing on goddamned sand, which is not conducive to making me look graceful following quick movements.
Volleyball isn't the toughest sport I've ever played, though you wouldn't have guessed that by watching me, and it got me thinking about what was the toughest sport I've played over the years.
Standard Internet Disclaimer: It should be noted these are not he poignant reminisces of a champion athlete. Or even an above average athlete. Or even the informed opinions of a well-rounded athlete because I have not played every sport under the sun. But it's my column and regular readers of this crap know that a lack of knowledge on a matter has never stopped us from spewing forth an opinion or two.
Fore! Golf must be near the top of any list of difficult sports. It was, of course, invented by Satan on the seventh day while the Holy Trinity farted around and admired their handiwork from days one through six, inclusive. It is a very frustrating game as you stand there considering that your ball is only three feet away from the hole and how difficult could it be, after all, to tap said ball into that hole?
But if you fork over for some professional instruction and have the time to hone your skills, and if you can overcome mind games that make golf so much &*%@ing fun, you can become a decent golfer.
Hut, Hut Hike: Football isn't that hard, presuming you don't mind getting your clocked cleaned every thirty seconds or so, which we didn't. And football is made easier by the fact a player doesn't have to possess every single skill required to play the game. Players have long since stopped playing both offense and defense and players are not required to have multiple skill sets. For example, running backs seldom have to rush the passer, while guards are relieved from having to pass 50 yards downfield and linebackers are not obliged to run precise pass routes.
Play Ball: No sport, except perhaps, competitive napping, is easy, but baseball gives it's players advantages not enjoyed by other sports.
Consider This: Both pitcher and batter get upwards of 20 seconds between pitches to get ready for the next pitch. Batters get to warm up in the on deck circle for a couple of minutes before batting while fielders get a minute or so to warm up before each inning starts. Base runners have two coaches on the field who are strategically placed so they can point out the next base to their runners. They get an air conditioned dugout to rest in when not actually on the field playing.
On the other hand, hitting a baseball is, statistically, one of the hardest things to do in sports. Hitters are considered really good if they succeed a third of the time. Even hitters that succeed only a quarter of the time can make a living playing ball if they can catch and throw the ball decently.
Hoop It Up: Basketball, for our money, is the toughest of these sports to play. First off, you can go from offense to defense to offense and back to defense in the snap of a finger, and there is none of this nonsense about being allowed to warm up before going on defense or practicing your shot before drive the lane. Everybody on the court has to be able to do everything: shoot, pass, rebound, talk trash, taunt your opponent and even sometimes play defense. Nowadays it also helps if you can throw the ball from half court to a specific spot near the rim and it is helpful to be able to jump thirty feet in the air so you can catch this ball and do a couple of flips before you stuff it in the basket.
Oh Yeah: Pole vaulting seemed really hard, too, but we only did that in PE class a couple of times. It was also, and this isn't even subject for discussion, as scary an activity as we have ever done.
GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY: Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage on this date in 1951. They would be sentenced to death in April and executed in 1953.
What The Hell's Going On Here? While we certainly don't condone selling atomic bomb secrets to the Soviets, exactly why the Rosenberg's were executed isn't clear. They certainly weren't the only Cold War spies convicted of espionage but they were the only ones executed and even those damned Ruskies admit the Rosenberg's didn't turn over anything earth shattering.
Dry, Technical Matter: Sentences for other Cold War spies ranged from 10 to 20 years. Morton Sobell, who was tried and convicted along with the Rosenbergs, served 17 years and is still alive.
I'd Like To Teach The World To Get High: Searching for a cure for his morphine addiction, Dr. John Pemberton whips up the first batch of Coca-Cola in his backyard on this date in 1886.
Thought For The Day: There are new songs on earth that we can find. It's all a matter of paying attention. - Ricky Skaggs.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: For his second term as Governor of Virginia Patrick Henry was preceded by Benjamin Harrison V, who was the father of President William Henry Harrison and the great-grandfather of President Benjamin Harrison. Henry was succeeded as governor by Edmund Randolph, who was a second cousin of President Thomas Jefferson.
Today's Stumper: Where was volleyball invented? - Answer next time!
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