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The Daily Dose/September 25, 2009
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around the Human Experience...
CAPSULE VEGAS SHOW REVUE: Zowie Bowie: The Vintage Vegas Show at the Monte Carlo: After knocking around town for a few years Zowie Bowie - Chris Phillips and his really stacked fiancé Marley Taylor - wander on to the Las Vegas Strip in a show designed to bring back the glory days of "old Vegas"
And by and large they don't muck up the opportunity, though they are paying for the opportunity, renting out the Lance Burton Theater at their expense, a practice, rather common in Vegas, called four-walling.
Is This A High Point Or A Low Point? We're Not Sure: Phillips gets either points or demerits - we're not sure which, though we're leaning towards points - for his 70's tee vee theme tribute, the Mary Tyler Moore and Love Boat themes sandwiching the theme from The Jeffersons which was powerfully delivered by a really good backup singer whose name we'd know if we were professional reviewers.
Phillips even had Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil come up and sing Fly Me To The Moon. No, we don't know why, either. Neil started tentatively, as if he expected to get booed or laughed off, but once he settled in did a nice job.
What The Hell's Going On Here? Here's the deal: the pair can sing, their band is good, they had a great venue and Lord knows they had enough energy to play all night and we didn't have to pay for our tickets which completely ruled, so why did we walk away thinking this show was good but not great?
Well? We wracked our brain for most of the second half of the show trying to figure out why before it us: these people are too perfect!
Now, don't get us wrong. Like you, when we go to a Vegas show we don't want to see cows on stage. We want, to steal a line from a chorus in Bette Midler's show, 'nice long legs and great big knockers". We're less picky about how the guys look, but we don't want them looking like they just came from a buffet feeding, either.
Going Back, A Way Back: Consider Vegas patron saints Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Frankie had looks, sure, but he wasn't a matinee idol. Deano had the kind of looks that would be right at home in a Maytag repairman's outfit. We appreciate a flaw or two to remind us that hey, with some talent and maybe a break or two it could be us up there.
There are no flaws with either Phillips and Taylor. None. They are perfect. Too perfect. They are both too blonde and entirely too tanned with teeth you could look for your car keys in a dark room with. She is stacked from here to Reno, too, with basketballs for knockers. There is nothing wrong with these people! It's as if they came straight from the lab. In fact, Phillips tried to give a plug to his tanning salon, but he couldn't remember its location.
This look is all right if they're delivering their Top-40/Dance concert, but it detracts from the substance of a show dedicated to reviving old Vegas.
Standard Internet Disclaimer: Gaylon is not a professional show reviewer. What he doesn't know about entertainment would make a good Beginners Guide. In fact, had the tickets not been given to him he would not have gone. Still though, this wasn't the first show he's ever seen and can probably be counted on to be able to tell a diamond from a steaming pile.
We Interrupt This Program For A Word From The Ratings Department: Following Is The Official Writer's Shack Rating scale:
EX - Excellent; as good as the medium can produce in every respect.
VG - Very Good. Well worth your time.
GD - Good. More or less worth your time.
AR - All Right. Not completely without merit.
SP - Nothing of substance; a steaming pile, utterly without merit.
Final Ranking: GD. Chris and Marley and company do a good show. If this were a fluff piece that showered praise on everything we'd probably give it a VG, but with our standards here so high and so exacting even a GD indicates a meritorious show. Zowie Bowie's Vintage Vegas Show runs Sunday's at 7:30pm at the Lance Burton Theater inside the Monte Carlo Hotel and Casino. Tickets are $30 or so. We don't know because we were comped.
HUT, HUT HIKE: Official Writer's Shack Fave the Mount Union Purple Raiders football team, defending NCAA Division III champions with a current winning streak of an NCAA all-division best 17 straight, continue Ohio Athletic Conference play Saturday hosting Muskingum (0-2; 0-1).
Breakdown Segment: Mount Union leads the series 32-29-2 and they have won 20 in a row. Last year they beat the Muskies 44-7.
Last Time Out: Mount Union spanked Ohio Northern 30-10. Our Raiders are outscoring their opponents this year by an average score of 41-10!
Outlook: This game should be no problem either for our Raiders, seeing as they rank second in Total Defense (107 yards per game) and third in Rushing Defense (18.5 ypg).
UH, WHERE ARE WE? On this date, in 1513, Spaniard Vasco Nunez de Balboa becomes the first European to view what is now known as the Pacific Ocean, even though locals in what is now Panama had known about it for thousands of years. Balboa and company actually viewed the ocean from a nearby mountain top and Balboa did not actually get to the shoreline until five days later, at which time his chaplain was so moved he led everyone in a boring rendition of the dullest song in history, the Te Deum Ladaumus.
Hot, Dry, Constitutional Action: On this date, in 1789, the first US Congress sends 12 amendments to the several states. Eleven were ratified. The first ten, known as the Bill of Rights, was ratified in 1791. Another amendment, having to do with the setting Congressional salaries, was ratified in 1992 and is known as the 27th Amendment and the other one, dealing with apportioning House of Representative seats, is still out there for consideration by the several states.
FunFact: If it is ratified, and the proviso calling for one representative for every 50,000 people is met, then Congress would have over 6,000 members. It should be noted that the amendment states there should be no more than one representative for every 50,000 people, so the current ratio of one member for every 700,000 people, more or less, would still be legal.
Dry, Technical Matter: This amendment is known as Article the First. We are not making that up.
Fly In The Ointment: Noted Founding Father Alexander Hamilton, among others, actually spoke against the ratification of a Bill of Rights noting, rather logically if you think about it, that since the newly adopted Constitution did not surrender any of these rights listed in the Bill of Rights there was no need for establishing them. He also feared, get this, that protecting some rights might imply that other rights that aren't mentioned are forfeited.
FunFact II: In 1796 Hamilton would be shot to death by the Vice-President of the United States.
Play Ball: On this date, in 1911, ground was broken on Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts. It would open the following year at a cost of $650,00, which is about 14.3 million of today's dollars. It is still the home of the Boston Red Sox.
Thought for the Day: For why declare that things shall not be done which there is no power to do? - Alexander Hamilton, The Federalist #84
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: What would eventually become the US Air Force began on 8/1/1907 as the Aeronautical Division of the US Army Signal Corps. Its mission was to "…have charge of all matters pertaining to military ballooning, air machines, and all kindred subjects."
Today's Stumper: What other two Founding Fathers are credited with writing the Federalist Papers? - Answer next time!
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