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The Daily Dose/January 22, 2008
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
   
Back with more notes from your Human Experience, wasting no time either, leading off with exciting On This Date action, including the Swiss arriving at the Vatican, the Supreme Court finally ending all debate on the abortion issue, a real, live tee vee suicide and greetings from deep, really deep, space. Plus, a missed opportunity at the NFC Championship Game and we humbly correct the record, but we come back strong with Susan Lucci starring in today's Column Four Foto!
GOING BACK, AWAAAAY BACK: On this date in 1506 - 1506! - concluding a march that began in Switzerland in Sept. 1505, 150 members of the Swiss Guard arrive in the Vatican. On arrival, which history records as being in the evening, they were blessed by Pope Julius II and their service to the Pope continues to this day.
FunFact: The Swiss Guard's soccer team is known as FC Guardia.
Well, That's Settled Once And For All At Least: On this date in 1973, the US Supreme Court, in a 7-2 decision, issues its Roe vs. Wade decision which legalizes abortion during the first six months of a pregnancy. The decision struck down a Texas law making it illegal to assist a woman in getting an abortion.
Tough News Day: Roe vs. Wade found itself fighting with the death of former President Lyndon Johnson for space on the front page.
We Interrupt This Broadcast To Bring You The State Treasurer Shooting Himself: In an exciting, early instance of reality tee vee, Pennsylvania State Treasurer Robert "Budd" Dwyer shoots himself during a televised news conference on this date in 1987.
Not So Fun Fact: Dwyer was to have been sentenced the next day after having been convicted of accepting a $300,000 kickback on a state contract.
For More On This Story, Let's Go To The Morgue: At the news conference Dwyer appeared nervous and agitated. If someone shooting himself on tee vee hadn't been so completely unfathomable - remember, this was 1987 - his prepared remarks gave clues that Dwyer had neglected to take his happy pills that morning:
"I thank the good Lord for giving me 47 years of exciting challenges, stimulating experiences (and) many happy occasions…"."
Honey, See You On The Flip Side: He added that he hoped others would continue to extend help and prayers to his family, whom he had earlier called the finest wife and children a man could have been blessed with.
A Break In The Action: Then he stopped with his remarks and passed out three envelopes to staff members, which probably should have also been a clue to others that perhaps an intervention was called for, and that maybe somebody should do something about that other envelope on the table, the big manilla one with the large bulge in it. One of the envelopes contained a suicide note to his wife, another an organ donor card of all things, and the third a letter to Pennsylvania Governor Robert Casey.
The Final Clue: Then he pulled a gun out of the manila envelope and by the time anyone had put two and two together Dwyer was verbally sparring with those pleading with him not to shoot himself before issuing an order to stand back and then shooting himself in the mouth.
The Final Frontier: On this date in 2003 mankind receives its final transmission from Pioneer 10, the first spaceship - from Earth, at least - to visit Jupiter. The transmission, very weak, was made from 7.6 billion miles away and took eleven hours and twenty minutes to reach Earth. Pioneer 10 was launched in March, 1972 and reached Jupiter in Dec. 1973.
What The Hell's Going On Here?: Pioneer 10 is carrying a plaque that, even 35 years later, still makes no sense. We are part of the species that created it and we don't understand it, and, while we're not experts in the matter, we're doubtful aliens will be able to, either even if they are able to stop a spacecraft traveling at 80,000 mph.
Let's Go To The Videotape: We pretty much recognize the drawing of the man and the woman, but the schematic of the hyperfine transition of hydrogen (don't even start) looks like a pair of tits and that spikey drawing of whatever looks like the star of Bethlehem and the whole thing looks like the doodles from a junior high notebook.
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH: You know, we would have preferred it had the New York Giants won Sunday's NFC Championship Game by returning the opening kickoff of overtime for a touchdown or otherwise scoring before the Green Bay Packers had had a chance to run a play. Then we could write - or more accurately rehash - our usual column about how the NFL's overtime procedure isn't entirely fair.
Oh, Jesus H:Unfortunately that didn't happen. In fact, the Giants didn't even receive the kickoff, which is perceived to be a big advantage in the world of NFL overtime even though statistically it really isn't. Green Bay actually won the toss and elected to receive. So they had their chance, blowing this chance on the second play of overtime when quarterback Brett Favre threw his second interception of the game. The Giants would gain five yards on the next three plays before winning the game on a field goal.
Well?????: So this game wasn't actually the best argument for changing the NFL's overtime procedure. In fact, it was actually a pretty good argument for it, mainly because it was quick, key when it was colder than a witches' you-know-what in Green Bay. So we'll save our rant till after the Giants beat the Patriots on the opening drive in overtime while Tom Brady stands helplessly on the sideline.
CORRECTION(S): We were a font of bad information here the last time out, incorrectly reporting that the 1983-84 Chicago Bears went 18-1 and winning the Super Bowl and that they were the only other team in NFL history besides this year's New England Patriots to win 18 games in a season.
None of that is true, of course. Any idiot knows it was the 1985-86 Bears who went 15-1 in the regular season and 3-0 in the playoffs and that the year before the San Francisco 49ers did the exact same thing.
Who Goofed, I've Got To Know!: We're not entirely sure. We double checked both our sources and the catscratch that passes as the notes we made and both were correct. So something got mixed up in the transfer from Research and Development and Editorial Services. We regret the error and are investigating.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: The $100,000 bill was the largest denomination note ever issued by the US Government. It featured a portrait of President Woodrow Wilson.
Today's Trivia Question: What famous Italian artist is credited with designing the uniforms of the Swiss Guard even though the Swiss Guard readily admits he had nothing to do with them? - Answer next time!
Threats? Recipes? Corrections? Trivia question answers? Email The Writer's Shack Here!
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