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The Daily Dose/February 20, 2010
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around the Human Experience...
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH: Tiger Woods got up in front of the world and played the apology game Friday. And like golf, he played the apology game pretty well.
What The Hell's Going On Here? The rest of the world has to be looking at us and wondering - probably not for the first time - that we must be the most mucked up nation on the planet. We Americans love to think we are making our leaders and idols measure to the Puritan ideal we are still, for reasons which make some zero sense, still attached to - a standard that us average Americans can't be bothered to measure up to. We do this so we can pretend to be surprised when our leaders and idols fail to meet this standard. That way we can make them stand up in front of us and pretend to be sorry.
We like this. It's an important part of the game because that way we can all pretend to be shocked and hurt that our idols have failed us. We forgive them and a month later everyone forgets what happened.
Pretending to be sorry is doubly important in Tiger Woods' case because we would not allow him to continue to make hundreds of millions of dollars unless he did get up and play the apology game.
And he has nothing to apologize for. To us, at least. His family is his lookout, not ours, but Tiger doesn't owe us so much as a second glance. He is a man and men like to have sex. So do women. Tiger is young, wealthy and handsome, pretty much a guarantor of laying more pipe than a plumber since time immemorial, when the first strapping young boys came back from the hunt wearing nothing more than a fig leaf and a smile holding the most lion pelts and found they had to fight off the girls.
Dry, Technical Matter: Here's the deal: men like to think they're still in the game. They like to chase and flirt. It's part of being a guy. We like to conquer. We like to think we are still in the game even if we'e not and, significantly, even if we are happily taken and don't really want to be in the game! Once the cell door slams, or a guy thinks it's slammed, that's it, point, set and match, it's all over, the guy no longer thinks he's in the game and he's looking for a way, not approved by his old lady, to get back in the game.
CAPSULE PIANO BAR AND BUFFET REVIEW: The Bellagio Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas, Nevada: It's not often we find ourselves at Bellagio. We are not going out people here at the Writer's Shack. Columns like this, and The Bottom Ten and whatever book project we happen to be working don't write themselves. So we don't get out much.
But when we do, it's always a treat to visit Bellagio, simply one of the best hotels on the planet.
The piano bar is right off the hotel lobby. The piano is always manned and the decor is conducive to enjoying a cocktail, gracious and inviting and elegant, just like a classy broad.
Standard Internet Disclaimer: Actually, there is no disclaimer to issue here. In some instances, we are fond of issuing a disclaimer bragging about how little we know about a given topic and how that isn't going to stop us from passing judgement. It's great fun. But we are highly qualified to pass judgement on a buffet. Please don't doubt that.
Warm Personal Remembrance: Almost interesting is the fact this our first trip to a buffet since we gave up meat in November, and we are pleased to report it was possible to still stuff our faces silly without eating meat.
One thing the Bellagio Buffet does better than anyone, except for Jerry's Nugget, is pizza, especially the pesto/shrimp deal that we suspect Providence created on the Seventh Day. And the lobster ravioli. And those au gratin potato squares. They had beef wellington, which we used to eat by the pound and which was really, really good, but we don't eat meat anymore. The crab cakes were good, but we've had better. Even their coffee is really good. The desserts would get a participation ribbon, though perhaps not make the medal stand, at the Dessert World Championships. It's worth the money.
FunFact: There is usually a line for the Bellagio Buffet, however if you are willing to sit at the bar you can go to the front of the VIP line and tell them you wish to sit at the bar and they will wave you through. You could even go through the exit, which is adjacent to the entrance and go straight to the bar. The bartenders are friendly and you can pay there.
We Interrupt This Program For A Word From The Ratings Department: Following Is The Official Writer's Shack Capsule Review Rating scale:
EX - Excellent; as good as the medium can produce in every respect.
VG - Very Good. Well worth your time.
GD - Good. More or less worth your time.
AR - All Right. Not completely without merit.
SP - Nothing of substance; a steaming pile, utterly without merit.
Final Ranking: VG. If the crab cakes had been the best we've ever had we would've given it a top rating. Still though, very, very good. Time well spent.
Thought For The Day: Then in the morning he would lie in bed, not wanting anything…Then he would think: If I don’t get up I can’t go back to bed. - Robert Penn Warren, All The Kings Men.
WE DELIVER FOR YOU: The US Postal Service becomes a Cabinet-level office when President George Washington signs the Postal Service Act on this date in 1702. The post office actually was founded in 1775 with Benjamin Franklin serving as the first Postmaster, and traces its lineage back to 1692 when King William and Queen Mary issued a grant for offices to be formed in the colonies to facilitate the receiving and dispatching of "pacquets".
Play Ball: Emmett Ashford becomes the first black umpire in the history of organized baseball on this date in 1951, when he is hired as a substitute umpire by the Southwest International League. In 1966 Ashford would become the first black major league umpire.
Dry, Technical Matter: Ashford would last longer in pro ball than the Southwest International League, which folded after the 1952 season.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: As Vice-President of the United States, Aaron Burr presided over the trial of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Chase, who had been impeached on eight charges all of which stemmed from the fact President Thomas Jefferson didn't really like him. Like Burr was at his treason trial, Chase was acquitted.
Today's Stumper: When the US Postal Office was a Cabinet level office, where did the Postmaster General rank in the order of presidential succession? - Answer next time!
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