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The Daily Dose/January 19, 2009
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
   
Notes from around the Human Experience...Abigail Adams is the Column Four Foto - again!
I DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR: Barack Obama, the 44th consecutive male whose mother was white to do so, assumes the presidency Tuesday.
Good Riddance: We're glad Obama's taking office. As noted before the election, the Republicans have done nothing to warrant remaining in power for one minute past noon tomorrow. We are at war in two countries that do not directly threaten our independence. Our economy is not completely flat lined, but a priest is standing by to utter certain Latin words. Our government has become nothing more than a cesspool of single issue wingnuts looking out solely for themselves. The national conversation, which once produced the foundations of this country's independence, has been reduced to sound bites and catch phrases.
Could Go Either Way: It's hard to say what we'll be saying about the first Obama Administration in four years. Obama is smart and is a world class politician, but few presidents were as smart or had the political skills of Bill Clinton and his two scandal-filled terms were about the most underachieving this nation has seen.
It's The Economy, Stupid: Obama faces an economic situation that only FDR would find refreshing. Our own opinion is that the world's economies are resetting themselves after decades of greed and blind, mindless consumerism and should probably be allowed to take their course. We are not entirely sure Obama's plan to borrow one or two trillion more dollars and pump it into the economy is the answer because
1) that is merely propping up the same mindless consumerism that got us into this mess in the first place; and
2) more debt is not what this country needs. We feel that any objective research into the matter will show that our national debt will crush us within two generations.
Thanks For The Bulletin, Walter Cronkite: We are not economists here at the Writer's Shack. If you're looking for dry, technical analysis of the economic mess - and who isn't, really - don't look here. We specialize in big-picture, half-witted concepts and theories.
Back On Message: Since a period roughly coinciding with the advent of both television and the Baby Boomers, this country hasn't even bothered getting the most out its existence, year in and year out setting new standards for mindless spending. Food and drinks that do our bodies some zero good. Clothing we don't need. Houses we can't afford. This nation has been doing the equivalent of mailing in our existence since the mid-70's. We are fat and spend almost one-fifth of our day watching tee vee. Well, you do; we don't. We're tee vee free here at the Writer's Shack.
Dry, Technical Matter: It should be noted this nation has never been a nation of savers. Even in colonial times we were always sending away to England for this and France for that - on credit - neverminding whether it was needed or not. It was sufficient that it was wanted.
Here We Go Again: What's wrong with this country is we are not getting the most of our collective national talents. Proof of this can be found in the fact we haven't sent men to another heavenly body since 1973, which, if you ask us, should cause all of use to go stand in the corner and hang our heads in shame. We should have been on Mars before the end of the last century. It was there for the taking, but we passed.
GREAT MOMENTS IN NATIONAL UNITY: On this date, in 1861, Georgia became the fourth state to secede from the Union, joining South Carolina, Mississippi and Florida in what would become the Confederate States of America. Louisiana and Texas would follow within two week, but Arkansas, Virginia, Tennessee and North Carolina would wait until April's attack on Fort Sumter. Georgia would not be readmitted to the Union until June, 1870, the last Confederate state to be readmitted.
We Are Not Making This Up: The world's first jockey shorts are sold on this date in 1935. Men, finally freed from boxer shorts, eagerly buy the new brief, manufactured by Coopers, Inc., which would later change their name to Jockey, Inc. They are called jockey shorts due to their resemblance to the jock strap.
It Would Follow: Twenty minutes after the first jockey shorts are sold, the first Melvin is given, when the wasitband on a pair of jockey shorts are pulled halfway up and unsuspecting wearer's back.
Lights, Camera, Ike: A news conference by President Dwight Eisenhower is filmed on this date in 1955. It will become the first presidential news conference to be televised, and would also be shown in movie theaters. It lasted 33-minutes, though it was cut to 28-minutes for television.
Within The Framework And Pursuant To: The Algiers Accords, an agreement to end the Iran hostage crisis, is signed in Algiers, Algeria on this date in 1980. In it, the US agrees to butt out of Iranian affairs, Iran agrees to be what its US debts, the US would release $8 billion of previously frozen Iranian assets, plus a couple of other dry, technical matters.
Uh, Isn't This Column Mostly Dry, Technical Matter: Well, yes, but this is too dry, even for us. And we enjoy reading the occasional Supreme Court opinion!
FunFact: The Algiers Accords checks in at a whopping 5,694 words, about the length of five-and-a-half of these columns. Sometimes stuff like this is fun to read, but not the Algiers Accords. Every word is about as dreary as you might expect.
Oh Yeah: The hostages were released the following day, minutes after Ronald Reagan took the presidential oath of office.
Pluto Or Bust: Official Writer's Shack fave the New Horizons spacecraft is launched on this date in 2006 for mankind's first unmanned mission to what was then the Solar System's ninth planet, Pluto. New Horizons is the fastest spacecraft ever, or at least the fastest we here on Earth know about. It passed the Moon in a mere nine hours and crossed Mars' orbit in April. It flew by Jupiter in February, 2007 and crossed Saturn's orbit in June. It is scheduled to arrive at Pluto in July, 2015.
Finally, Some Dry, Technical Matter: In September, 2006 the dreary bores at the International Astronomical Union decided that Pluto wasn't really entitled to the "planet" status it had held since being discovered in 1930. They now classify it as a 'dwarf planet'.
Get Your Writer's Shack Policy Right Here: We still think of Pluto as a real planet. It was a member in good standing for a long time and never violated the Planetary By-Laws. We call - immediately and for good - for the restoration of its planetary status.
The Bunny Isn't Going To Get It, Is He, If They Don't? No, no. We don't want to hold an animal hostage. But we're serious.
Thought For The Day: There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America. - Bill Clinton, First Inaugural Address.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: There wasn't a trivia question last time, silly!
Today's Stumper: Who the chief US negotiator for the Algiers Accords? - Answer next time!
Special Bonus Stumper: Who was the first President of the United States inaugurated on January 20th? - Answer next time, too!
Comments? Recipes? Complaints? Email the Writer's Shack here!
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