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The Human Zoo/September 16, 2011
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around The Human Experience...
HUT, HUT HIKE: Official Writer's Shack faves our Mount Union Purple Raiders continue their trek to their eleventh NCAA Division III football championship Saturday, taking on tough John Carroll at home in the Ohio Athletic Conference (OAC) opener for both teams.
Breakdown Segment: This will surprise you, but Mount Union leads the series with John Carroll 24-2-2, and Mount Union has won 20 straight. The last time Mount Union didn't win was in 1991 when the teams tied 20-20 and the last time John Carroll won was a 31-7 squeaker in 1989. Mount Union won last year's meeting 51-7.
Last Time Out: John Carroll - obviously wanting to conserve all their available energy - took last week off, and is 0-1 after losing 24-17 to Case Western on September 3.
Yay Team! Our Purple Raiders are already a strong 1-0 following a systematic 41-17 destruction of evil Wisconsin-Oshkosh-By-Gosh last week.
Bridge Over Troubled Waters: Mount Union actually trailed UW-OBG 7-3 in the first quarter before stemming the tide and outscoring UW-OBG 31-3 the rest of the first half. Jeremy "Touchdown" Murray had three touchdowns, two rushing and one passing, and Nick "Hit Me Harder" Driskill had 13 tackles.
Alms For The Poor: John Carroll won the OAC title in 1989, their first year in the league, and shared the title with Mount Union and Baldwin-Wallace in 1994. In 2002 John Carroll enjoyed a fine season. Well, for them. They lost to Mount Union, of course, but otherwise qualified for the NCAA Division III playoffs, making it to the national semifinals before losing to UW-Lacrosse.
What's The Deal With All These D-III Teams From Wisconsin? We've discussed this before: if you are a high school football players in Wisconsin you have two options, hope you are good enough for the Badgers at UW-Madison, or play at any of the 739 other UW campuses, which seem to be located in every goddamned barn and dairy in the state. There are zero Division II schools in the state.
The School From Up North: Despised UW-Wherever, who have won all of three (3) NCAA Division III football titles compared to ten (10) for our Purple Raiders, won last week, too, though they looked pretty shaky in a 45-0 victory over Franklin College that was a lot closer than the score indicated. This week they take on Campbellsville University. We did some research and Campbellsville is located in Campbellsville, which still further research indicates is in Kentucky.
Numbers Game: While they haven't been able to beat hated UW-Wherever in the last two (2) Amos Alonzo-Stagg Bowls, our Purple Raiders have won 54 straight in the regular season. Their last regular season loss was on October 22, 2005, when Ohio Northern beat them 21-14.
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE? Efforts to get two Americans currently jailed in Iran on an illegal hiking conviction released are proving entertaining. Earlier this week Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad proclaimed their release was imminent. Ahmadinejad, it turns out, is not the decision maker here, with the Iranian courts appearing to think they're on the point on this one. On Wednesday they said the deal, which involves the payment of $500,000 bail for both Shane Bauer and Josh Fattal, still needed to be reviewed.
On The Dock: Both men were sentenced last month to three years each for illegal entry into Iran and five years each for spying for the U.S. Recall the men claim to be innocent hikers who inadvertently off their trail in the semi-autonomous Kurdistan region of Iraq and into Iranian territory.
Back To The Future: Iran made the world go through this song and dance last year, too when the third member of the party, Sarah Shourd, 32, who was released, also on $500,000 bail and also amidst simila confusion and also with Ahmadinejad a few days away from a trip to New York City.
Question: Who, exactly, is paying this bail?
We're Not Saying, We're Just Saying: Yeah, we know, Kurdistan is nothing like Iraq. In fact, this is the first trouble American tourists have had in the region. So what? Some big picture thinking on the matter of traveling near the Iraq/Iran border may well have told you:
"…hey, like maybe we shouldn't go hiking near the Iraq/Iran border, ya know? In fact, maybe we shouldn't go to Iran or Iraq at all. Maybe we're just asking for trouble, sort of like those yahoos who go yachting off the coast of Somalia who seem surprised when some rather serious looking black guys board their yacht and take them hostage."
COME SAIL AWAY: The Mayflower begins its voyage to the New World on this date in 1620. It sailed from near Plymouth, England and on November 21, 1620 landed at Cape Cod, Massachusetts even though they had really wanted to go to the mouth of the Hudson River, near present-day New York City, though at the time it was the northern outpost of the Virginia Colony. The Mayflower carried 102 passengers, plus a crew of around 30.
The pilgrims got off on good terms with the natives by looting their stores and desecrating their graves, setting a precedent of screwing the Indians that didn't stop until we had taken the entire continent away from them.
Get Out Your History Books: Jim Bottomley of the St. Louis Cardinals establishes the major league record for RBI's in a game with 12 on this date in 1924. Bottomley, nicknamed Sunny, goes 6-6 with two home runs as the Cardinals beat the Dodgers, then known as the Robins, 17-3 in a game played at Brooklyn.
Thank You: The old record was eleven, which had been established by Wilbert Robinson, who was managing the Dodgers at the time, in 1892. The record still stands, though it was tied by the Cardinals Mark Whitten in 1993.
Yer Out…And Out…And Out: Tom Browning of the Cincinnati Reds throws the 12th perfect game in major league history on this date in 1988, a 1-0 home victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers. The following July, 4 in a game at Philadelphia, Browning came within three outs of becoming the first person two pitch two perfect games, however Dickie Thon of the Phillies led off the ninth inning with a double.
Thought For The Day: Why has government been instituted at all? Because the passions of man will not conform to the dictates of reason and justice without constraint. - Alexander Hamilton
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Since 1982, 36 percent of those executed in Texas have been black.
Today's Stumper: Before Tom Browning, who threw the last perfect game in the National League? - Answer next time!
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