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The Daily Dose/March 14, 2008
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
   
The Daily Dose returns, with more notes from around the human experience, as we continue to milk the Spitzer Affair for every last column inch, taking the opportunity to demand the immediate legalization of prostitution if for no other reason than hot, young women can make a decent living legally. Also, we are taking the high road by not publishing her picture, even though pics of the girl are not the most difficult thing to find on the Internet. Also, some modest On This Date action, plus the Column Four Foto: Angela Gheorghiu Week continues!
WELL, AT LEAST SHE WAS HOT: You know, if a politician is going to ruin his career because he messed around with a whore, then at least he went down, so to speak, with a pretty foxy one. We hope his wife appreciates his good taste, though we tend to doubt it.
The Dust Settles: So what are we left with? Well, Spitzer is out of a job, of course, and good luck with those future job prospects, too, as Spitzer may well be obliged to have his wife put her long-dormant law degree back to work. Or, maybe he can rent her out through the Emperors Club. He probably has lots of options.
You Can Pay Me Now, Or Pay Me Later: Is this country any better off, though? Sure, we all had a chance to strike great moral poses and say what a rat Spitzer is and how he sure is unfit to govern the chaste and holy state of New York because he paid for a little nookie. So what? All us guys pay for it; the only question is how. Do you make a direct cash payment in exchange for sex, or do you take her dinner and a couple of movies first?
Get Your Official Writer's Shack Policy Right Here! Honestly, what consenting adults - from you to your neighbor to the Governor of New York - do behind closed doors is their business. And, of course, the business of whomever they are doing whatever they are doing with. And their spouses. That's it. If the Governor of New York wants to arrange for a little pay-for-play nookie, and if a pretty foxy young girl wants to make her body available to him for a fee, it's nobody else's business. It's not your business, it's not thy neighbor's wife's business and it's not my business.
Then Why The Hell Are You Writing So Much About This? Well, we do have a column to fill, at least when we're not on one of our famous, frequent hiatus'. Look, if prostitution was legal none of this happens. The financial transactions that first drew the attention of banking officials and the IRS never get noticed because the transfers, if they were made at all, would have been made to a legitimate business and Spitzer would not have needed to ask the bank to take his names off the wires.
Uh, Thanks For The Help Guys: But his bank got curious at this and notified the IRS who actually thought Spitzer might have been the victim of either identity theft or blackmail, opened an investigation.
This Will Surprise You: The Writer's Shack, which is on record as favoring the legalization of whatever professional athletes what to put into their bodies, also favors the legalization of prostitution.
Warning! Just because we favor legalizing something, does not mean we favor doing it. There is a difference. I don't want anybody writing me saying we are Satan incarnate or a bunch of scoundrels. For the record, we personally do not engage in this activity. And just because something is legal does not make it mandatory. If you don't want to engage the services of a prostitute, then don't bother. You're under no obligation. But all we are doing, as with all morality laws, is creating an unneeded, extra class of criminal.
Resume Builder: The woman who find themselves turning tricks for a living were, by and large, abused as kids and are still abused as adults. That's too bad. Nobody should be subjected to a life as lousy as that. But people are. My own brother was found dead under an overpass at the age of 35. Things like this happen in the human experience. It's not ideal, but like Hunter S. Thompson said, "some people get rich, others eat shit and die" and there isn't much you can do about it. And most of these girls ain't turning tricks in luxury hotels in the nation's capital with the Governor of New York. Most are working for ghastly, evil pimps turning tricks with guys who have guts that require separate introductions. (Note: to avoid my own messy plagiarism scandal, I hereby manfully concede the previous line was stolen from Garrison Keillor.) It's a lousy life, featuring a usually tragic past, a depressing present and a bleak future.
Uh, Can We Pick This Up A Bit? And, we are not saying that legalization would have made Mr. Spitzer's life any easier, because Mrs. Spitzer, when she found out, probably wouldn't have been all too pleased even if prostitution had been as legal as, say, parallel parking. Legalization does not confer morality. It just means people can engage in an activity - an activity they are already engaging in anyway because someone horny enough to hire a prostitute isn't worried too much about the legal aspects of what they are doing - without worrying about going to jail.
One More Thing: And legalizing prostitution isn't going make a hookers life sweetness and light, either. Girls with abusive pasts will still end up letting men pay them for sex. It's the way the world is built, and has been built for thousands of years. But at least they'll be able to face their bleak future without a criminal record.
READY, AIM, FIRE! On this date, in 1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on board HMS Monarch. Byng was condemned for "not doing his utmost" during the Battle of Minorca against the French in the Seven Years War. In his novel Candide, Voltaire satirizes the execution by having Candide witness the execution of an officer. Candide is told "in this country, it is wise to kill an admiral from time to time to encourage the others."
The Slaves Will Be Glad To Hear This: On this date in 1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin, an implement which removed seeds from cotton.
Quality Is Job One: On this date in 1914, Henry Ford introduced the assembly line method to assemble cars, decreasing the time to make a car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes. Also in 1914, Ford began paying workers $5 a day, roughly double prevailing wages.
Up, Up And Away: On this date in 1943 President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office.
Ready, Aim, Fire II: On this date in 1964 a Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. Ruby had pled insanity, and was sentenced to death, though the conviction was later overturned on appeal. Ruby would die of natural causes before the second trial could begin.
Democracy In Action: What If They Gave An Election And Nobody Came? Actually they did Wednesday night in Tamarac, Florida, where nobody showed up to vote in an election on an annexation referendum. There were 68 people eligible to vote in the unincorporated Prospect Bend neighborhood, which Tamarac had proposed to annex.
Budget Buster: The election cost $2,500 to hold.
Quotebook: "I'm just shocked that there was an election held and no one showed," said Jack Seiler, the state representative who authored the bill that authorized the election.
Money Talks: The government is fiddling with our money again, rolling out a new $5 bill Thursday. The new five spot has two new watermarks: a "5" located to the right of the portrait and three smaller fives going up and down to the left of Mr. Lincoln. There is a new security thread, too, the letters 'USA" - and, to make it really difficult for counterfeiters, the number "5" running vertically to the immediate right of the portrait.
Dry, Technical Matter: There are other changes, too, none of them terribly exciting. There is a large, purple '5' in the lower right-hand corner on the reverse side and the serial number on the front has been moved slightly to the right.
Conspiracy Theory: We're not entirely sure why, as the government has chosen not to say why.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: John Adams, John Quincy Adams, Rutherford B. Hayes, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, John Kennedy and George W. Bush are the seven presidents of the United States who graduated from Harvard University.
Today's Trivia Question: There is no trivia question today. You get the day off. Don't waste it.
Threats? Recipes? Trivia question answers? Email The Writer's Shack Here!
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