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The Daily Dose/March 13, 2008
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
   
Cash, Elliot, cash! It's the world's oldest profession largely because they have low overhead and don't have to keep real complicated books. Today your Daily Dose returns after a long weekend, which followed our most recent hiatus, and chronicles the human experience of New York Governor Elliot Spitzer, who is resigning because he could keep neither his shlong nor his wallet in his pants. Also, On This Date, trivia, and The Column Four Foto as Angela Gheorghiu Week continues!
NEWS ITEM: New York Governor Eliot Spitzer announces he will resign after being caught forking over some good dough for a hooker. Some reports suggest they may well not have been an isolated incident.
A Thought: You know, this wouldn't all that big a deal if prostitution were legal. That wouldn't be a whole lot of comfort to his wife and kids, but it probably would have been a matter between them instead of the media fiasco it has been because we all know Spitzer is an exception and all of the jackals who are screaming for his resignation have never bought a blow job or otherwise cheated on their wives and are all waiting to be beatified and have their likenesses etched on stain glass windows.
FunFact: You know, prostitution is legal in most parts of the great state of Nevada, providing honorable employment for hundreds of sex professionals throughout the state, as well as safe, expensive, though usually negotiable recreation for thousands of desperate, control-minded males. The sun still rises in the east every morning, locust and frogs aren't rampant in the streets and an ace and a face card still equals 21.
Those Who Do Not Learn From History Are Doomed To Resign: What Spitzer is really guilty of is not learning the lessons history has offered. And recent history, too, because the great lesson Bill Clinton taught every swinging dick is that a state governor who properly utilizes the state resources at his disposal can lay all the pipe he wants, from the Governor's Mansion to the local precinct house.
Act Now, And Get This Added Bonus!: Not only that, Clinton taught us you can bring all pain you want to your wife and lie about your philandering all you want and even get elected president twice, though you may not be able to avoid a tedious, distracting impeachment, though with some effort you can at least avoid complete embarrassment by avoiding conviction in the Senate. Not only that, she can run for President, too!
And I don't want to hear any whining about what a bad governor this made Spitzer. Clinton was getting head in the Oval Office and it is not a complete stretch to imagine he was laying pipe from Truman's Balcony to the Map Room. Did this make Clinton a bad president or lousy politician? No, Clinton was neither, though the staff here at the Writer's Shack manfully concedes the constant distractions attendant throughout the Clinton Administration certainly hampered his ability to govern.
Get Out Your History Books: Clinton, of course, is not the only president who played around while in the White House. Jack Kennedy once admitted that he got headaches if he went more than a few days without sex and it wasn't always dear old Jackie he was bending over the divan in the Lincoln Bedroom, either.
All Aboard The High Horse! This should come as no surprise to our regular reader(s), because for months we have been advocating that professional athletes should be able to put whatever they want into their bodies, but we really don't see the point to legislating morality. One, it doesn't work, except to create more criminals, because never has a society that has criminalized something successfully eliminated it.
Hey, Are You Saying We Should Legalize Murder? Well, no, of course not. Some things should be punished. And besides, murder isn't a morality crime. But as we learned during Prohibition and are continuing to learn during the Drug War, telling people they cannot smoke some grass or purchase fellatio doesn't make them stop doing these things. They're going to do it, be it a conventioneer in Vegas or the governor of New York.
Let's Go To The Video Tape: Looking back, Spitzer screwed a couple of things up. One, he should have paid cash. Two, he should have discussed this with his wife. Really. It could have gone something like this:
"Hey, look, babe, we got a pretty nice gig here as a family, but I have this crippling control complex and I need to pay woman for sex not because I'm a loser who can't get his own piece of tail but because I like the feeling that comes from knowing a really hot younger babe has no choice but to do me and I'm governor of the goddamn State of New York and I find myself in a position to pay lots of money to have what I think is mind-blowing sex with really high price hookers because I make lots of money and my daddy lent me lots of money to insure I was elected attorney general and I'm going to do it, so better you find out from me than from, say, I don't know, The New York Times."
ON THIS DATE: In 1639, New College is renamed Harvard College, after a minister named John Harvard, who had bequeathed his library and half his estate to the school, which had actually been established in 1638. Harvard would graduate its first class in 1642 and grew from nine students taught by one master, to 18,000 students with a faculty of 2,000.
Speaking of Impeachment: On this date, in 1868, the impeachment trial of President Andrew Johnson began in the US Senate. Johnson, who had the misfortune to not only follow Saint Abraham Lincoln in the White House, but was also obliged to preside over the reconstruction of the Union, which would have been an almost impossible task even for St. Abraham. Johnson was impeached, frankly, for pissing off Congress by having the nerve to exert some executive authority and also for not doing what an extremely radical and bossy Congress wanted. He would be acquitted by one vote in May. Kansas republican Senator Edmund G. Ross cast the decisive vote in favor of acquittal and was rewarded for voting his conscience by being defeated for reelection. Hectored when he and his family returned to Kansas, Ross, a printer and journalist by trade, moved to New Mexico, where he was Territorial Governor from 1885-89 under President Grover Cleveland.
FunFact II: Both Ross and Johnson were Freemasons.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Of the 28 New Hampshire primaries since 1956, 21 of the winners have claimed their party's presidential nominations.
Today's Trivia Question: Seven graduates of Harvard have become President of the United States. Name them. - Answer next time!
Threats? Recipes? Trivia question answers? Email The Writer's Shack Here!
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