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The Daily Dose/February 13, 2010
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around the Human Experience...
LEADING OFF: In our role as God, not to mention hack Internet columnist, we have decided that figure skating has got to go from the Olympics. There's no sense beating around the bush. One, it is boring. Sure, it is also artistic and graceful and stuff, but it is possible to be artistic and graceful and also be boring.
The big problem though is there is no objective way to determine a winner. There is not a finish line to cross before an opponent or a time to beat nor can you score more points or goals than your opponent.
Warm, Fatherly Advice: As dear old Dad used to say, this isn’t a sport it’s an activity.
Fly In The Ointment: And as we saw at the Salt Lake City Games in 2002 – and this is rich considering Salt Lake organizers bribed to get the Games in the first place – figure skating judging has not been without scandal, with the French skating federation in league with the evil Russians to insure the French and Russian skaters won.
In League? Yeah, it’s kind of like “fortnight” or “interregnum” one of those bonus phrases we don’t get to throw out there all that often but that we always enjoy using.
Now Hear This: Another criteria we would like to see used for Olympic inclusion is that it would be nice if an Olympic medal was the crowning achievement for a sport. Fortunately, this is more or less the case with the Winter Olympics, although it is less true in the Summer Games.
Higher, Stronger, Colder: Consider this: do you watch luge in odd-numbered years? Of course you don’t. Nobody does. Even ESPNNordic doesn’t cover it. Unless there’s a white flag with five rings on it flying at a luge competition, only the athletes and their families and the most hard core fans care.
But every four years there we are watching Scandinavians who have utterly lost their mind flying feet first on a sled down an icy track. The same with curling, speed skating and – speaking of Scandinavians who have lost their minds – ski jumping. It’s fun to watch these sports every four years because in the context of the Winter Olympics it’s like a reunion with friends you neither want nor need to see all that often, but who you enjoy catching up with.
Face Off: Whether or not an Olympic gold medal is hockey's highest prize is subject for debate. For the women, yes, it is.
But for men? We're not sure. Of course, an Olympic gold medal is a treasured accomplishment, but if you play hockey in the National Hockey League, which would you rather win, an Olympic gold medal or the Stanley Cup?
Hell, We Don’t Know: We’re not experts in the matter. Not that that is going to stop us from issuing an opinion in the matter because it’s not. But we suspect that most NHL players would rather win the Stanley Cup.
That’s An Awfully (North) American-centric View: Yes, it is. It is entirely possible that European professionals would prefer to win a gold medal.
So What’s Wrong With Amateurs? Nothing as far as we’re concerned. We don't enjoy Olympic hockey any more than years past simply because there are NHL players playing because with NHLers Olympic teams aren't really teams as much as they are assembleges of talent.
Dry, Technical Matter: Of course, the Soviets weren’t really amateurs, but we beat them in 1980 anyway, with 1980 Olympic hockey tournament producing some of sports most poignant moments.
Play Ball…Or Not: This is why baseball really made no sense in the Olympics. Which would your average American boy want to be, an Olympian or a big leaguer? A big leaguer of course.
Don’t Get Us Started: Which is why tennis should get the heave-ho from the Summer Games and why we are still scratching our heads over the return of golf to the Olympic program. Does the Olympic tennis tournament overshadow any of the Grand Slams? Will Olympic Golf in 2016 make everybody forget The Masters? Of course it won't.
Proposed Rule Change: Maybe if they put golf in the Winter Games and used balls that were orange and would explode at random it would interest us. Or maybe not.
Talk About Giving A New Meaning To Playing 18 Holes: Although, based on what we know now, does anybody really think Tiger Woods is going to pass on the opportunity to pass on playing golf in Rio?
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The category of what might have been is already too crowded. - Gore Vidal, Creation.
ORDER IN THE COURT: On this date, in 1633, Galileo Galilei arrives in Rome for trial before the Roman Inquisition on heresay charges stemming from his book Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems, A light, whimsical piece which discusses the Copernican system of the universe, which has the Earth and other planets revolving around the Sun and Ptolemaic system which asserts, incorrectly we feel, that the Earth is the center of the universe with everything revolving around it.
Members of the Roman Inquisition, already on record as favoring a strict interpretation of the Bible, did not look with much favor at Galileo's assertion that the Bible was written by humans who didnt even know Mr. Sun rose and set and that everybody should lighten up a little and found him guilty. Galileo would spend the rest of his life in house arrest and would die at 77 in 1642.
FunFact: While it is difficult to underestimate Galileo's importance to the fields of atronomy, physics and optics, it is interesting to note his first views of Saturn confused him. Hilariously, he mistook Saturn's rings for other planets and thought it was a three planet system. Later, he thought the planets had disappered when he happened to be observing Saturn with its ring orientated towards Earth.
Tough Racket: William and Mary are declared co-rulers of England on this date in 1689. To acquire the throne for himself, his wife and his descendants, William invaded England and overthrew his father-in-law James VII and II.
Play Ball: The Negro National League, the first professional Negro baseball league to last more than one year, is formed on this date in 1920 in Kansas City, Missouri. Teams played in Chicago, Kansas City, Detroit, Indianapolis, St. Louis and Dayton, plus there was a team of Cubans. The league would fold during the 1931 season, though the Negro League would flourish through the 1948 season.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: There wasn't a trivia question last time. You were given the day off.
Today's Stumper: What nation has won the most Olympic hockey gold medals? - Answer next time!
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