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The Daily Dose/May 11, 2011
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around the Human Experience...
THIS WILL HELP: Like you would if your father was attacked and killed by US Navy SEALs while in hiding, a son of Osama Bin Laden issued a statement to the New York Times about his father's death.
FunFact…Or Maybe It's Dry, Technical Matter: The statement, issued by Omar Bin Laden, spells Osama's full name as Ossama Binladin, though after the initial reference it usually refers to him as OBL, which makes one of History's great villains sound like a baseball league or a medical procedure, but what the hell, if it's cool with his son, we'll use it here.
Not Too Bad A Question, Actually: In the statement Omar Bin Laden wonders:
…why an unarmed man was not arrested and tried in a court of law so that truth is revealed to the people of the world.
Yeah, Well, You Know: We had a pretty good line about this earlier, along the lines of Bin Laden more or less having to be found starkers, holding white flags in each hand while singing "God Bless America" to avoid being shot.
Speaking In All Seriousness, As A Hack Columnist: Anybody who believes that taking OBL into custody was a practical idea is deluding themselves. Like turning over his body or releasing photos of a dead OBL, it would've done more harm than good, because killing OBL already put us back on thin enough ice with Allah's warriors and we don't need to go giving them more reasons to martyr themselves so they can be coddled in heaven by dozens of virgins.
Besides, the twin towers of the World Trade Center are no longer standing, how much more truth do you need?
There's No Use Being Stubborn About It: The family also maintains they doubt their father is dead.
…we are not convinced on the available evidence in the absence of dead body, photographs, and video evidence that our natural father is dead.
OK, well, how about th fact nobody can find him and carrier pigeons are returning without a forwrding address?
Actually, we might be on board with this, circumstantially though not intrinsically, if al-Qaeda hadn't already acknowledged OBL's death.
Duly Noted: Omar bin Laden then went funny on us - somebody has to in this column - having the nerve to invoke a couple of fundamental tenets of our rule of law. It's pretty funny, in a dry, technical way:
If he has been summarily executed then, we question the propriety of such assassination where not only international law has been blatantly violated but USA has set a very different example whereby right to have a fair trial, and presumption of innocence until proven guilty by a court of law has been sacrificed on which western society is built…
This Is Rich: Great, thanks Omar. Nice of you to find it convenient to buy into what the western world stands for.
OTOH: Maybe in a perfect world this would've happen. Of course, in a perfect world your old man wouldn't have sent airplanes flying into our buildings either and I would be writing about something else today.
Duly Noted: Omar Bin Laden also whined about how OBL's burial at sea courtesy of the US Navy deprived his family of providing a proper Muslim burial.
God, We Hate Your Whining: Yes, it did. As noted, this is not a perfect world. Apologies are issued, at least from us, because we've buried our father, actually, he was cremated, so we're kind of sympathetic on this one, because it's nice to be able to close the circle of life.
Dry, Technical Matter: See above for a suggestion about what a perfect world might be like, as well as blather about us having to scrounge up another topic for this column.
Yeah, Yeah, Whatever: Since nothing involving this country is complete without somebody suing someone, Omar Bin Laden even threatened legal action, although exactly who he would sue, and in what jurisdiction, was left refreshingly unclear:
A panel of eminent British and international lawyers is being constituted and a necessary action may be taken if no answers are furnished within 30 days of this statement.
Missed Poignancy By This Much: The statement checks in at 711 words.
TAKE ME OUT THE BALLGAME: Rick Ferrell of the Washington Nationals establishes a major league record that still stands, throwing out eight Baltimore Orioles that were attempting to steal bases on this date in 1897.
FunFact: The modern major league record for most runners caught stealing is six, done once in each league.
Oh Jesus H: In 1897 there were 12 teams in the National League, which was then the only major league. Louisville is the only city from that time that no longer has a major league team.
Take Me Out To The Ballgame II: Cy Young establishes the major league record for most consecutive hitless innings in a season on this date in 1904, with 24. The streak had started on April 25 and included his perfect game against Philadelphia on May 5.
Honey, Don't Hold Dinner: Nazi Adolph Eichmann is captured by Israeli agents - who had infiltrated the sovereign nation of Argentina the previous month - on this date in 1960.
Lucky For History: Eichmann was caught in large part because he got careless and never got around to changing his family's names, even though he changed his last name to Klement. His son began dating the daughter of a Jew who had been held in a concentration camp but had escaped and fled to Buenos Aires. The family eventually verified Eichmann's identity with the father writing West German authorities, who eventually told Israel.
After some surveillance, which included Eichmann bringing his wife flowers on their anniversry, they identified Klement as Eichmann, and a plan to kidnap Eichmann as he walked home from the bus stop following his shift working in an auto factory was hatched.
Fly In The Ointment: Hilarity, as is sometimes its wont, ensued when the zany Eichmann failed to take his usual bus home, which led to the Israeli agents pretending to fix the getaway to draw attention to themselves.
He showed up a half-hour later and was wrestled into the car. Eichmann was taken to a safe house where he was given the option of being killed there or being taken to Israel and tried and executed there.
Dry, Technical Matter: Eichmann's trial would begin in Jerusalem the following April, he was convicted in December and hung in May, 1962.
The More Things Change…Aw, Hell, You Know: The parallels between the capture of Eichmann and the death of Osama Bin Laden are striking. Both are responsible for the deaths of innocent people. Both then fled to other countries, where they were eventually found without the knowledge of the host country, though Eichmann was living a normal life, while Bin Laden was in hiding.
Oh Yeah: Like Pakistan, the Argentineans got their shorts in a knot, too, whining to the United Nations who grabbed the bull by the horns and passed a strongly worded resolution calling for Israel to make reparations with Argentina, while in no way condoning the crimes Eichmann was accused of.
Strong Finishing Kick: Like Osama, Eichmann was buried at sea, too, though he was cremated first.
Thought For The Day: I will leap into my grave laughing because the feeling that I have five million human beings on my conscience is for me a source of extraordinary satisfaction. - Adolph Eichmann, 1945.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: In addition to the Confederate States of America, the following nations have had current US cities as their national capitals over the years: Republic of Vermont, the Kingdom of Hawaii, the Republic of Hawaii, and the Republic of Texas.
Today's Stumper: Who holds the National League record for most consecutive hitless innings in a season? - Answer next time!
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