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The Human Zoo/August 11, 2011
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around The Human Experience...
OH JESUS H: This whole world's going to hell. The whole world-wide economy, paced by the United States but aided and abetted by Europe, will be in the crapper within the week, they're rioting in England again, which they do from time to time, and nations continue to butchering each other - and their own citizens left and right.
Don't Blame Us: To help calm a frightened world, the Writer's Shack is pleased to offer two upcoming events to cheer everyone up.
Hut, Hut Hike: One, were just a couple of weeks away from the return of The Bottom Ten, the hilarious ranking of the very worst college and professional football teams.
Breakdown Segment: Can San Jose State - or whoever won last year, we can never remember - repeat, or will Duke or Washington State run the table? Who will contend for the Tostitos Plaque, given to the team with the longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win? And which service academy will claim the Sgt. Bilko Trophy, symbolic of service academy lousiness?
Do The Haka: Second, we are a month away from official Writer's Shack Fave the All Blacks, New Zealand's national rugby team, competing in the Rugby World Cup.
Bend Over And Say Oui: And this year there's none of this traveling to Europe crap so the goddamned French can cheat and screw our All Blacks like they did four years ago in France, where our All Blacks lost in the quarterfinals. This year the World Cup is being held in New Zealand.
USA! USA! Despite the fact the United States has won the last two Olympic rugby gold medals (Antwerp, 1920, Paris 1924) neither us here at the Writer's Shack, nor anyone who knows anything about rugby, expect Team USA to get out of pool play. The Eagles will play one final tune-up match this Saturday against Canada before both teams ship out to New Zealand for the World Cup.
GET OUT YOUR HISTORY BOOKS…OR NOT: Ed Karger of the St. Louis Cardinals throws a perfect game on this date in 1907, defeating the Boston Braves, then known as the Doves, 4-0.
You don't read much about Karger's perfect game, except in half-baked columns like this, because Karger's game was the second game of a doubleheader that, as often happened back then, was only scheduled for seven innings.
Get Your Official Writer's Shack Policy Right Here: We don't get too worked up over this, but it isn't Karger's fault his game was only scheduled for seven innings and it was a regulation complete game so, while it is not in the major league record book as a perfect game, we are pleased to include it on the official Writer's Shack list of perfect games which we keep lying around here somewhere.
A Bygone Era: August 11 was a Sunday in 1907 and, as usual, everyone was scheduled for doubleheaders. Although not everyone played, because Sunday baseball wasn't legal everywhere. The New York Giants and Pittsburgh Pirates took the day off because New York still banned Sunday games and the entire American League couldn't be bothered to play, either.
Dry, Technical Matter: There was a reason this was called the Dead Ball Era: in the three doubleheaders a total of just 24 runs were scored. By everyone, meaning the average score of each game was a 2-2 tie.
Baseball Fever…Catch It: Included in that 24 run total were the Cubs winning a pair of 1-0 games from the Phillies.
Let Corruption Ring: Noted African nation Chad obtains its independence on this date in 1960.
Slow News Day: We found this almost interesting for a couple of reasons. One, we're pretty good at stuff like this and we weren't sure exactly who Chad had secured their independence from.
Really Dry, Technical Matter: Second, there's not much to Chad. It's mainly desert and it's landlocked besides. It's tough enough to make a go of it an Africa, more so when you're landlocked, so we were curious as to who would have held on to Chad in the first place.
Survey Says: Turns out it was the zany French! At least they had good sense to let Chad go peacefully, probably because they saw there was no sense fighting to keep it.
Hard Time: Alcatraz Penitentiary receives its first federal prisoners on this date in 1934.
This was not Alcatraz's first tour of duty as a prison. It had held prisoners of war in both the Civil and Spanish-American wars, held prisoners following the 1906 earthquake and served as a military prison from 1907 until 1933.
Oh Yeah: Alcatraz would serve as a federal penitentiary until 1963. Tours of the prison include the cafeteria, which still shows the menu for the final meal, breakfast on March 21, 1963.
Yeah, Well? Before being transferred to other prisons, Alcatraz prisoners were treated to what was probably a really lousy meal of dry cereal, cream of wheat, scrambled eggs, milk, toast, bread, butter and coffee.
Those Zany Angelenos: The Watts Riots begin in Los Angeles on this date in 1965. The riots would last for six days, killing 34 with over a thousand buildings, mostly white-owned businesses, being destroyed.
The More Things Change…: As with most riots in Los Angeles, this one started when a black guy was pulled over by the fuzz for erratic driving. The black guy was unable to pass a sobriety test and was arrested and the white cop wouldn't let the driver's brother take the car home. A crowd gathered, some rocks were thrown, and the rest is history.
Dry, Gentrification Matter: Even the blacks started getting tired of Watts and in the 1980's they started moving to nicer areas of South-Central LA and the Watts is now roughly two-thirds Hispanic and one-third black.
Thought For The Day: Aim high; believe yourself capable of great things. You will succeed. - Brice Union Taylon, the first All-American football player at the University of Southern California.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: The Fidelity Medallion, issued to three soldiers in 1780, was the first military decoration in the United States.
Today's Stumper: What prisoner served the longest time at Alcatraz? - Answer next time!
Comments? Recipes? Complaints? Email the Writer's Shack here!
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