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The Daily Dose/Novemeber 12, 2007
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
  
Notes from around the human experience, including 21st century roller derby, which itself includses a shoutout to the Los Angeles Thunderbirds, which itself includes a sub-shoutout to Little Ralphie, plus a poingnant On This Date, featuring Robert F. Scott's final, touching letter to his wife, plus the Column Four Foto, the extremely adorable Devil's Advo-Kate, from the Sin City Neander Dolls.
CAPSULE ROLLER DERBY REVIEW: You would think that we here at the Writer's Shack would have better things to do on Saturday night in Vegas than watch roller derby, but we don't, so there we were this past weekend at a roller hockey rink at the Las Vegas Commercial Center, which also houses Showgirls Wigs, the local gay and lesbian center, plus the world famous Green Door social club, watching the Sin City Neander Dolls take on the dreaded Grand Raggidy Roller Girls from Grand Rapids, Michigan, do battle.
Flashback: This is not the roller derby we grew up with. I don't know about you, but we go way back with roller derby here at the Writer's Shack, to the Olympic Auditorium in Los Angeles and the more or less legendary Los Angeles Thunderbirds. Funny thing is, pro wrestling was cool to follow in LA during this time, too, and while we knew, though really didn't want to admit, that pro wrestling was rigged, we were never really sure about roller derby. We're sure the T-Birds lost every now and then, but, honestly, we don't remember it. They could be losing 253-7 and coach John Hall would give the jammers helmet to Little Ralphie Valladares who would streak around the track a couple of times and the next thing anybody knew Little Ralphie was slamming his hands on his hips and the T-Birds had pulled out another thrilling, last-second victory and Dick Lane was achieving and maintaining a state of arousal yelling "Whoa Nellie!".
Welcome To The Big Show: The big difference between roller derby of yesteryear and today is this took place on a flat track, not the banked track we grew up with, probably because banked tracks cost a lot of money, not that we've put a banked track out to bid here at the Writer's Shack lately, because we haven't. But not only is it probably cheaper, set up is a breeze, too, because after some Taekwondo tournament was shooed out of the roller rink, the girls had the track and trackside seating set up within an hour.
Up Close And Personal: And we do mean trackside, the theory evidently being why bother putting rails up when the audience is much more fun to crash into.
Dry, Technical Matter: The match was conducted under the auspices of the Women's Flat Track Derby Association. Uniforms were pretty skimpy, even by Vegas standards, though they were heavy on knee and elbow padding. Players, probably not wanting anybody to know they actually skate in roller derby, used names such as Dot Matrix, Battleaxe and Sigourney Beaver. We are not making that up.
Dry, Technical Matter II: The rules are relatively simple. Each team sends five skaters out. One is called the pivot. She wears a stripe on her helmet and skates in front of the blockers. In the back is the jammer, who has a star on her helmet. The referee blows the whistle and the pivots and blockers start skating and a few seconds later the referee blows the whistle again the jammers start skating. The first jammer to make it through the pack is designated the lead jammer and she has to work her way around and back to the pack to start scoring by passing the other team's skaters. Jams last two minutes, or until the lead jammer calls it off by putting her hands on her hips.
The Final From The Commercial Center In Las Vegas: The match - which are called bouts in the trade - was not close. The Grand Raggidy Roller Girls demolished the Sin City Neander Dolls 145-58. We are not experts on roller derby, but it was clear that Grand Raggidy, led by the inevitable, talented Dot Matrix, were the superior skaters and a couple of times the Neander Dolls were caught starting a jam without a pivot. Since we've admitted we know squat about roller derby, we admit this could have been a strategy ploy, though when you lose by 87 you have to admit it didn't work.
We Interrupt This Program For A Word From The Ratings Department: Following Is The Official Writer's Shack Rating scale. We realize this is the rating scale we use for capsule book and movie reviews, however we do not seem to have a rating scale in place for roller derby and Research and Development was not able to produce one in time. The usual apologies are issued.
EX - Excellent; as good as the medium can produce in every respect.
VG - Very Good; well worth your time.
AR - All Right; not completely without merit.
SP - A steaming pile, utterly without merit and not worth your time, my time or anyone else's time.
Overall Rating: AR. It was a fun time. The crowd, estimated in the hundreds, appeared to enjoy themselves, and though the score wasn't close, the caliber of skating was pretty good. We even won a door prize, a Fosters hat and a Miller beer t-shirt, which actually kept the overall rating down, because we really wanted to win the Penn and Teller prize pack.
ON THIS DATE: In 1912, the frozen bodies of Robert Scott and two other members of his expedition are found on the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica, ten months after they had become the second expedition to reach the South Pole and one month after Roald Amundsen and his party had done it. The remains of Scott and his party were left on the Ross Ice Shelf.
FunFact: Earlier this year Scott's family released the final letter Scott wrote to his wife. It is a poignant, stirring letter, showing that Scott knew he would not make it out alive. In fact, this is clear from the start:
"To my widow,
Dearest Darling - we are in a very tight corner and I have doubts of pulling through..."
Well, This Day Is Off To A Bad Start: Had she not already known her husband was dead, that would've been a pretty good indication right there. Scott knew he and his men could not make it to the next supply depot. Their provisions were too few and the weather was too bad. Though resigned to his fate, Scott appeared to hold an instinctive shred of hope:
"...if anything happens to me I shall like you to know how much you have meant to me and that pleasant recollections are with me as I depart."
Scott's farewell letter to his wife did not written in one sitting, either:
"We have gone down hill a good deal since I wrote the above. Poor Titus Oates has gone - he was in a bad state - the rest of us keep going and imagine we have a chance to get through but the cold weather doesn't let up at all - we are now only 20 miles from a depot but we have very little food or fuel."
Dry, Technical Matter: Scott encouraged his wife to remarry and to look after their son, who was nine-months old when dad left on his final expedition. Scott continued to write when he could.
"Dear it is not easy to write because of the cold - 70 degrees below zero and nothing but the shelter of our tent...The inevitable must be faced..."
Uh-Oh: Scott knew he and his men would die tragically close to relief:
"Since writing the above we have got to within 11 miles of our depot with one hot meal and two days' cold food and we should have got through but have been held for four days by a frightful storm - I think the best chance has gone. We have decided not to kill ourselves but to fight it to the last for that depot but in the fighting there is a painless end so don't worry."
Famous Final Scene: Interestingly, the penultimate and final paragraphs are requests to stay in contact and take care of various people. Scott's touching sign off came in the third to last paragraph:
"What lots and lots I could tell you of this journey...but oh what a price to pay - to forfeit the sight of your dear dear face."
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