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The Daily Dose/October 8, 2007
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
CAPSULE NATIONAL PARK REVIEW: Zion National Park: Let's start off with a warning: the animals are accustomed to humans! At the last tram stop, I wandered down to the river to see how close I could get to a family of deer that was enjoying a Sunday afternoon together. Turns out I could get pretty close. Though they regarded my arrival with no visible signs of rapture, they didn't really panic until I got within a few feet, then they would trot a few feet further away. I credit this to the fact that deer can sense I one of them and was born to the wild, which is funny because I'm not and was not. Dogs, in fact, see right through me and despise me immediately, which they should, because the feeling is more or less mutual, especially when my neighbor lets his pit bull - who would like nothing better than to sick his teeth into my leg - run around without a leash.
The deer episode was part of a rather pleasant day spent by me, The Woman, her daughter and her daughter's friend. Entry is $25 per vehicle, which seems kind of steep for a park, not that we cared because we utilized The Woman's National Park Service annual pass.
By and large vehicles are no longer allowed in the park. You can park either at the visitor's center near the main entrance, or in adjacent Springdale, where a complimentary park shuttle will provide transportation to the park, and from the visitor's center, the shuttle system provides transportation to eight different points in the park, which is one of the most beautiful places the planet can muster in a planet filled with beautiful places. Shuttles run every few minutes, too.
FunFact: Park shuttle busses run on propane.
Beware II: The animals may be too accustomed to humans. The Woman sat down on a bench and opened a small bag of mixed nuts and before you could say "Tarzan!" a manic squirrel acting like it had never eaten before was literally all over her, having hopped up on the bench and into her lap before being thrown off. And this wasn't one of those adorable incidents where the cute little squirrel hops up and stands on its hind legs and looks cute as button begging. No, this was a little storm trooper on the attack, a soldier in the War on Cashews. Even after being thrown off he continued to charge a couple of times.
Restaurant Review: The Red Rock Grill at the Zion Lodge: The Red Rock Grill is located on the second floor, above the lobby of the Zion Lodge. The décor was, and this will surprise you, wooded and rustic, just like outside, though there weren't squirrels running around attacking you for your food.
The Hired Help: Prompt, competent, if rather intense, service was provided by Bud. Bud greeted us, told us he was going give us a minute and then come back and "try to get a drink order out of you" as if he expected us to hold out on him and getting our beverage preferences was going to be his biggest professional challenge to date. As it was, we willingly gave him our drink order, lemonade, a Coke, some hot tea and water. He seemed relived he didn't have to get out the bamboo strips out to force it out of us.
He also had the annoying habit of taking possession of things that weren't his. For example, when pointing out the (uninspired) menu, he mentioned "my Navajo Eggplant is very good" as if his family had been producing it for generations and he also announced that "my butchers block this evening" consisted of something or another.
OTOH: Bud was prompt, our glasses were refilled promptly (in fact, after I downed two glasses of water before anyone could look at the menu, he said 'screw it' and went and brought a carafe) and he seemed to care about his job.
Which Is More Than We Can Say For The Cooks: The food was uninspired. It wasn't completely noxious, but it wasn't anything that causes poets to write sonnets, either. The salad bar was small, but fresh, and featured a very good beef and pork soup and was not too bad a value at $3.95, though if that is all you're having it will cost you $9.95, in which case it would be overpriced.
There were not a whole lot of menu options, either. A couple of pasta choices, one chicken entree, an eggplant dish the woman officially proclaimed "good", a couple of obligatory fish selections, tilapia and trout, plus steak and prime rib. Being from Vegas, I have too much respect for prime rib to try it in Utah, especially at $21 for 10-ounce cut. The Pasta Zion was not fresh and the chef must've sprinkled it with the same bland No Taste powder they have in the service, because none of the ingredients stood out. It came with bow tie pasta, sautéed in olive oil with a white wine reduction, along with carrots, garlic, mushrooms, broccoli, and zucchini and seasoned with those herbs that come with those really small deals that are more like sharp sticks that I never liked anyway because they always get stuck in your teeth. It was overpriced at $13.95.
Dinner for four was $74, which was overpriced, too, especially if you're from Vegas, where it is possible to eat twice as good for half as much. The room was nice, however, with an excellent view and atmosphere. But bring a picnic lunch and enjoy the scenery, though watch out for the squirrels.
ON THIS DATE: In 1871, the great Chicago fire erupted, destroying four square miles of the city, killing about 250 people and leaving approximately 90,000 homeless.
WHEN ALL THE RUGBY DIED IN SORROW: Our All Blacks lost Saturday in the Rugby World Cup quarterfinals! We are not making that up! Writer's Shack faves the All Blackswere beaten, 20-18, by Le Bleu Homosexuels from France in a match played in goddamn Cardiff, Wales, wherever that is, even though France is the host arm pit, er, country.
Cheaters: France started in on the cheating even before the match, managing to rig the coin flip earlier in the week to decide who would get to choose which jersey they got to wear.
The All Blacks are called the All Blacks for a reason: they wear all black. France, by rigging the coin flip, chose to wear their gay, new navy bleu uniforms, which obliged the All Blacks to wear gray shirts. They also stood eye to eye with the All Blacks as they performed the haka right before kickoff.
The Good, The Bad, And The Comeback: The All Blacks, New Zealand's national team, led 13-3 at the half, but the French started cheating as soon as the second half started, kicking our All Blacks in the groin when the referee wasn't looking. They got two tries (the rugby equivalent of a touchdown) in the second half, bribed the effing refs so that two close calls went against our All Blacks, and generally outplayed our All Blacks in scoring what has to be considered the biggest upset in sports history. Well, maybe a minor upset.
Drought: The All Blacks haven't won the Rugby World Cup since winning the first one in 1987 and this is the first time they haven't made the semi-finals.
Yeah, Whatever: France advances to the semi-finals Saturday where they will take on defending champion England, who defeated Australia in a slugfest 12-10. The other semi-final will be Sunday, when South Africa takes on Argentina.
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