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The Human Zoo/September 7, 2011
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around The Human Experience...
CAPSULE STOCK DOG TRIAL REVIEW: The Steamboat Stock Dog Trials, The Stanko Ranch, Outside Steamboat Springs, Colorado: As any regular reader of this crap knows, we are refreshingly open to new things here at the Writer's Shack, especially when they're result of The Woman making her now-infamous "noises" about trying something different.
Woof, Woof: So there we were Labor Day morning, sitting on a grass bank overlooking a hay field at a ranch just outside of town, settling in for a full day of stock dog trials.
Breakdown Segment: The rules are deceptively simple, at least until you realize you're dealing with dogs trying to herd sheep: Master and dog start at a post and about 300 yards, more or less, downrange are a group of four sheep who had been moved there by two guys on horseback called sheep setters. On command, the dog runs off to the right or left (except for one trailblazer who chose to run right down Broadway) and circles its way around in back of the sheep. Then Fido goes tactical and lays down before springing into action and approaching sheep, which is usually good enough to get them moving.
The master/dog team has to get the sheep to march between two gates, called fetch gates, then the dog chases the sheep to the post the master is stationed at and goes around it and then herds them back out towards yet another gate, which they're required to circle before making their way back. Then the master can go to the pen and, ideally, they will team up to get all four sheep in a pen.
They're allowed eight minutes to get this done in, however this is not a timed event. Eight minutes is merely the cutoff point on the theory if you can't pen four sheep in eight minutes, well, let's not waste everybody's time.
Dry, Technical Matter: Everyone starts with 100 points, and deductions are made of various infractions.
Fly In The Ointment: The only downside was it appeared all the really good dogs went on Saturday and Sunday. By Monday it was the doggie equivalent of the low minor leagues. The dogs were young and still needing experience, and towards the end of the day they ran out of sheep and lambs, who looked like the were wondering exactly what the hell was going on, were trotted out. The sheep were feeling frisky, too, with most not too inclined to get penned and most masters ended up throwing in the towel when Spot invariably chased the sheep to the Wyoming state line. Only a few actually made it to the pen stage and only a couple of those managed to pen their sheep.
Standard Internet Disclaimer: We don't know enough about stock dog trials to even issue our usual half-wit disclaimer. Apologies are issued.
We Interrupt This Program For A Word From The Ratings Department: Following Is The Official Writer's Shack Capsule Review Rating scale:
EX - Excellent; as good as the medium can produce in every respect.
VG - Very Good. Well worth your time.
GD - Good. More or less worth your time.
AR - All Right. Not completely without merit.
SP - Nothing of substance; a steaming pile, utterly without merit.
Final Rating: GD. The gorgeous weather and spectacular view at the Stanko Ranch saved an AR rating. It would have been really nice to see this sport with expert dogs and sheep that weren't tired after a weekend of trying to get penned.
GODDAMNED FRENCH: Official Writer's Shack Faves the All Blacks, the national rugby team of New Zealand, begins pool play in the 2011 Rugby World Cup Friday night (New Zealand time, about 1:30am in the Pacific time zone) against Tonga.
The Long And Winding Road: The All Blacks are in the same pool as evil France, who, as if anyone could ever forget, cheated their way to a victory over our All Blacks in the 2007 World Cup quarterfinals.
Mark This On Your Calendars…In Red: The rematch is September 24. Also in Pool A are Japan and Canada.
FunFact: Tonga is coming off a pretty good 2007 World Cup, going 2-2 in pool play, good for third in Pool A.
Dance Fever: Get your dancing cleats out because both teams begin their matches with native dances. Our All Blacks, of course, do the Haka, a dance native to New Zealand, while Tongans, or Tongaites Tongaotians or whatever they're called do a cute little jig called the Kailao.
Breakdown Segment II: New Zealand leads the all-time series 3-0.
USA! USA! The Americans, known as the Eagles, open up Pool D play on September 11 against Ireland. Argentina and Australia are the favorites to advance from this pool, which also houses the Russians, who are making their first Rugby World Cup appearance.
GREAT MOMENTS IN CIVIL WAR, UNION EDITION: Union General William T. Sherman orders Atlanta evacuated on this date in 1864. He would burn Atlanta in November.
Here She Comes: The first Miss America pageant begins in Atlantic City on this date in 1921.
Great Moments In Race Relations: Despite traditionally producing some really foxy women, blacks were not allowed to enter the contest proper until 1970, and one wouldn't win it until 1984.
Enlightenment 101: Black women did appear in entertainment numbers in early pageants, usually as slaves.
Going…Going…Gone…And Gone: In the second game of a doubleheader in Cincinnati, Mark Whitten of the St. Louis Cardinals ties the major league record for home runs and runs batted in a game, and the record for runs batted in in a doubleheader on this date in 1993.
Get Out Your History Books: This is simply one of the greatest single game batting performances in major league history. Whitten became the ninth player to hit four home runs in a game and the second to drive in twelve runs in a game. He had an RBI in the first game, too, becoming the second player to drive in 13 runs in a doubleheader.
Oh Yeah: The Reds and Cardinals split the doubleheader. Cincinnati got a late field goal to win the first game, and the Cardinals won game two 15-2.
Thought For The Day: The only absolute attainment is absolute abandonment. - Gautama Buddha
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: The following countries border Uzbekistan: Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan and Turkmenistan.
Today's Stumper:Whose RBI single game and doubleheader RBI records did Mark Whitten tie on this date in 1993.
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