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The Human Zoo/August 6, 2011
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around The Human Experience...
CAPSULE BOOK REVIEW: Painted Ladies, By Robert B. Parker: Regular reader(s) of this crap know we've spent a lot of time whining about the Spenser series, mainly because for the past decade or so his books have been more or less the same and not quite as good as they were in years past. In fact, we considered not even providing a review of the book because, like recent Spenser books, we were fearful this review will read a lot like prior Spenser reviews.
Ah, Screw It: But we thought about it, and is it really any different with our treasured Nero Wolfe mysteries? Those seldom varied either. Wolfe takes a case and sends the intrepid Archie Goodwin looking for clues. Wolfe annoys Inspector Cramer. Wolfe plays with his orchids twice a day. Archie - himself a first-rate detective - is baffled and sometimes threatens to resign before Wolfe gathers everyone in his office and exposes the murderer.
Oh Yeah: And Lord knows Wolfe, like Spenser, prefered to do things his way.
So Lighten Up, Will You? And, honestly, it's this familiarity that keeps us coming back. And since Parker died last year - and rumor has it there is only one more Spenser novel in the hopper - our time with Spenser, Susan, Hawk, Quirk, Belson and the rest of the gang is winding down.
Leading Off: We found the story rather compelling. Spenser is hired by an art professor named Ashton Prince to guard him while he exchanges a ransom for a stolen painting. Spenser and Prince drive to the drop site, Prince gets out of the car, makes the exchange and while he is walking back to the car the package he is carrying - presumably the painting, though somewhat maddeningly we never find out for sure - explodes, killing Prince.
Well, Spenser can't have this, of course. Like most recent Spenser mysteries, Spenser has only himself for a client and he has no clue what the hell is going on, only that his client is dead. So, as usual, he dives in and starts sniffing around.
Fly In The Ointment: Also as usual Spenser manages to rather annoy some people with Spenser surviving two rather ingenious assassination attempts. The first came when he killed two men who were waiting for him in his office and the other came when his bed exploded and not because he was rolling around in it with that minx Rita Fiore.
Good Doggie: He survived both through sheer luck. He happened to have Pearl the Wonder Dog with him the first time, with Pearl alerting him to the danger in his office before he unlocked the door. The second time he was saved because he noticed a suspicious car outside his apartment building as he entered it and - wanting to further watch the car - tossed an overnight bag on his bed, instead of setting it on the bed.
Q and A: Which brings up a question: where the hell was Hawk? We spent the first half of the book waiting for Hawk's arrival because this story was screaming for Hawk, but Spenser told Frank Belson, who had asked, that Hawk was farting around in Central Asia for - speaking of Parker's penchant for using characters from the past - that rascal Ives.
There were other shout-outs from the past. For example, the lady with the nice hips who used to occupy the office across the street from Spenser's was mentioned and it was nice to see Spenser still enjoying corn muffins and coffee, even if they were from a college cafeteria and not Dunkin Donuts.
The Usual Suspects: Most of the complaints we've had with Spenser the past decade or so are still in effect, though: clipped, inelegant dialogue, plus the usual this-is-who-he-is-and-what-he-does-and-good-luck-trying-to-stop-him fawning by everyone, including, now, Spenser. This included a fawning session between Spenser and Susan in Chapter 25 that was so sappy it might well make you vomit.
OTOH: It's always nice to have Rita Fiore make an appearance. If we made a list of fictional women we would like to meet Rita would probably top it, just above Lily Rowan.
Get Your Official Writer's Shack Policy Right Here: Spencer, as usual, refuses to sleep with Rita despite Rita doing everything but giving him a hand job while they had lunch. We've noted this before: we would not violently object to Spenser and Rita - or, better yet, Spenser, Rita and Susan - jumping in the sack together.
Gee, This Is A Surprise: As usual, most of the literary references Parker uses escaped us, however we did note the bastardizing of a Thoreau quote. Prince's widow, who happened to be a poet, said "I do not cast my words before swine" which, as any idiot knows, came from a phrase concerning nature not casting pearls before swine from Thoreau's November 4, 1858 entry into his journal.
Standard Internet Disclaimer: Though Gaylon is rather well read he is not Einstein for Pete's sake and is not a professional book reviewer. Reviews are based on his own personal tastes, are completely subjective and not measured against established literary standards. He has a habit of re-reading selected favorites and books that were published as early as the 20th century.
We Interrupt This Program For A Word From The Ratings Department: Following Is The Official Writer's Shack Capsule Review Rating scale:
EX - Excellent; as good as the medium can produce in every respect.
VG - Very Good. Well worth your time.
GD - Good. More or less worth your time.
AR - All Right. Not completely without merit.
SP - Nothing of substance; a steaming pile, utterly without merit.
Final Rating: GD. This is a pretty average Spenser novel. Not as good as the very best in the series, but a bit better than the unreadable screed he was mailing in a decade or so ago. If you are a Spenser fan you will enjoy it, although we are still wondering where the hell Hawk was.
GREAT MOMENTS IS EXECUTION: William Kemmler becomes the first person to be executed via electrocution on this date in 1890, in Auburn, New York.
Fly In The Ointment II: It did not go particularly well. The first shock, eleven seconds of 1,000 volts, didn't kill Kemmler, so a second jolt of 2,000 volts was ordered, which essentially fried Kemmler, causing an odor that made several witnesses sick. It took an hour for Kemmler's body to cool enough for doctors to conduct the post mortem, which revealed blood that resembled charcoal.
More Great Moments In Killing People: Nuclear war comes to mankind as the United States drops an atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan on this date in 1945. Following another nuclear attack three days later, Japan would surrender, ending World War II.
Thought For The Day: Take it easy and do it properly. I'm in no hurry. - William Kemmler, immediately before being executed.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: There wasn't a trivia question last time.
Today's Stumper: Following electrocution, what was the next execution method introduced in the United States? - Answer next time!
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