| | Home
The Daily Dose/July 4, 1776
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Notes from around The Colonial Experience...
THAT'S HOW WE ROLLE: The American experiemnt continues. Two days after passage of the Lee Resolution freed us of our British Shackles, the white landowners comprising the Second Continental Congress are expected to approve Mr. Jefferson's Declaration today in that Sewer known as Philadelphia.
Ye Matter Drye And Technical: They were supposed to do it yesterday, however - and this will Surprise you - Congressional Bickering, mainly over the Slavery sections, preculded an agreement, and Mr. Benjamin Harrison, chairman of the Committee of the Whole, adjourned the proceedings until today.
Too Many People Are Copy Editing This Stuff: All accounts show Mr. Jefferson, the Colonies most able wordsmith, taking the hacking of his Declaration with Resentment. He spends most of his time sitting in the back with Mr. Ben Franklin sticking pins in a doll that bears a striking resemblance to Mr. Adams.
Meanwhile: General Washington continues to await developments and fortify New York City against future British invasion after having chased the evil General Howe to Nova Scotia.
To Review: Recall that on June 11th past the Congress appointed a Committee of Five (V) to produce said Declaration. Their instructions were to build on the fine resolution of Mr. Richard Henry Lee calling for Independence, which had originally been presented to the Congress in Congress Assembled on June 7.
The Committee Of Five: August and Distinguished members Robert Livingston of New York and Roger Sherman of Connecticut wisely left the task Messers Adams, Franklin and Jefferson. Adams - looking to attend Vespers and write his beloved Abigail - and Mr. Franklin - anxious to attempt familiarities and get in the bloomers of that Skank he met at the Goat and Compass - prudently left most of the work to Mr. Jefferson.
A Leak In The Congress. Go Figure: Thanks to one of Mr. Jefferson's slaves, er, personal assistants, we managed to procure a copy of the document Congress will be considering today.
More Of Ye Matter Dry And Technical: Mr. Jefferson did his work well. Drawing on influences provided by John Locke's Second Treatise of Government, England's own 1689 English Bill of Rights and Mr. Lee's Resolution, Mr. Jefferson has brilliantly captured the essence of Liberty, offering a treatise which will live down the ages and be read and quoted by all future Generations of Americans, at least until the Slavery issue destroys this country next century.
This Will Surprise You: The nosy Mr. Franklin himself took time out fromprocuring Skanks to get his mitts on the Declaration, finding disfavor with Mr. Jefferson's "Life, Liberty and Property" line, recommending instead "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness".
Cutting To The Chase: Mr. Jefferson, brilliantly and typically, gets to the heart of the matter right off the bat. This from the second paragraph, which followed a rather long-winded Introduction:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Standard Internet Disclaimer: It is anticipated the phrase "all men are created equal" will not, of course, apply to the Negro since they are not White, or to women, since they are not Men. We are not entirely sure what Mr. Jefferson was thinking. Probably writing for History or Posterity or some crap like that.
God Save The King...Or Not: After the Preamble, Mr. Jefferson's Declaration brilliantly issues an Indictment of His Majesty, King George III. Our complaints are as numerous as they are valid. To Wit:
His Majesty has refused Assent to our laws, which are necessary to secure life.
He has taxed us, though we enjoyed no representation in Parliament.
The Proclamation of 1763 prohibited us from moving west of the Appalachian Mountains, even though some Subjects had already purchased vacation homes or time shares in the area.
And the keeping of Standing Armies in our midst without our consent, and for intolerably forbidding us use of the Port of Boston for commerce, until such time as we agreed to pay him Tribute and Ransom.
Order In The Court! There are others, of course. Mr. Jefferson concludes the Indictment of His Majesty with his typical Brilliance:
In every stage of the Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by ever act which my define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Acts And Things And Stuff Like That: Mr. Jefferson tends to Ramble a bit in summation, and we encourage all citizens of the new United States to gather at Ye Olde Neighborhood Print Shop or local Towne Square for a full reading. But, to sum up, Mr. Jefferson finishes with a Splendid, Edited For Content, Flourish:
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled… do…declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States…and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And…we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
Sire, We Have News From The Colonies: Owing to the six week lead time required for communications to cross the Ocean, official comment from His Majesty is not expected until early September, at the earliest. Frankly, we are not too optimistic for a peaceful hearing of our Petitions.
MAYBE NOW WE CAN GET THESE ROADS BOARDED OVER: On this date, in 1636, the city of Providence is formed in what is now known as the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantation. It is founded by one Roger Williams after he was expelled from the Massachusetts Bay Colony.
Star Light, Star Bright, First Star I See Today: Men in China, Japan and Arabia all report seeing a a supernova bright enough to be viewed in the daytime on this date in 1054. It is visible in the daytime for over three weeks, and visible at night for over nearly two years.
SHAMELESS PLUG: Though the days are still long, the calendar does not have that many pages left until the strapping lads start returning to Campus. As usual, Ye Olde Writer's Shack will be there to chronicle the usual folly of the Autumn lawn bowling revels in The Bottom Five.
Will Harvard run the table again, or will graduation take its toll and make the Crimson Reverends B-10 contenders? Can arch-rival Yale defend last year's B-10 title and keep the East India Company Trophy? Will the Lawn Bowling Championship Series (LBCS) continue to make a better argument for a National Colonial Collegiate Athletic Association (NCCAA) playoff than we can? Will the Avian Pox make a laughing stock of the Kings College cock fighting team again?
Find out, only in The Bottom Five at Ye Olde Writer's Shack!
Answer To The Last Question Of Trivial Importance: In his famous April, 1775 "Midnight Ride", patriot Paul Revere actually stopped to use bathroom twice.
Today's Trivia Offering: What are General Washington's teeth made of? - Answer after the Revolution!
Comments? Recipes? Complaints? Email the Writer's Shack here!
Home |
| |
