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The Daily Dose/June 2, 2008
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
From The Photo Lab: Pics will return! Honest!
Notes from around the outdoors human experience...
CAPSULE CAMPSITE REVIEW: Space B-41, Watchman Campground, Zion National Park: I'll be honest, spending a weekend in the wilderness would not naturally occur to me as a recreational activity. I do not come from an outdoors family, and, in fact, consider a bed and breakfast roughing it because you are left to fend for yourself for the final two meals of the day, not to mention the cocktail hour.
But when the woman and myself had our original vacation plans changed by the whims of fate, I was surprisingly open to her suggestion we go camping, despite the fact just one of the previous 15,500 or so nights I have spent on this planet have been spent camping.
Get Out Your Lineup Cards: Yours truly, the woman and her two kids, Alan and Amanda, 19 and 18 respectively, were in attendance this weekend.
Why? I am still not entirely sure. Long before I became part of this family they've enjoyed this "camping", as they call it. They enjoy sleeping in insulated, nylon bags placed in temporary, collapsible shelters they call "tents". Food is cooked by starting what they call a "fire". Nature's call is answered at a centrally located building (though once I went behind a tree when no one was looking) which had a sink and a trash can though, typical of the government, they neglected to provide paper towels to throw into the trash can. They also forgot soap, which gave them something in common with me.
Ronny And Mary, A Love Story: Friday evening we went on a sensory and interpretive hike led by a Forest Ranger named Amy. It was the four of us, plus a woman and her two young, well-behaved girls, plus Ronny and Mary, a 30-ish couple from Phoenix. Ronny had dark hair combed back and was wearing a red Teamsters tank top and dark gray sweats, while Mary was wearing a blue Navy shirt with dark blue sweatpants. Ronny also brought along his camcorder and was always falling behind because he was recording things like flowers and rocks and doo doo found on the trail. Ronny also liked to ask Ranger Amy which things were edible and Ronny and I came to the conclusion that if we were ever stuck in the wild together we would starve in fairly short order unless we could find a pizza and Ronny got off a pretty good line about having the women gather some of the wild rice that was out there for us, which led to a line by yours truly about how Ronny could tape it cause he seemed to be taping everything else.
A Break In The Action: About three-quarters of the way through Ranger Amy stopped us at the grotto, a very pretty area where the trail worked its way behind a couple of waterfalls, and Ranger Amy declared a rest period for us, even though the hike hadn't been particularly difficult to that point. Ronny sat down and started shooting some video of the area, which overlooked a modest canyon we were going to work our way down when Ranger Amy gave the order. After a few minutes of taking in the scenery and its attendant aromas and other outdoorsy crap, Ronny observed to Amy that in a mere 250 million years or so, all this could look completely different. "This could all be collapsed in 250 million years, couldn't it?'
Ranger Amy allowed that yes, that could definitely happen.
A Funny Line: The classic pause before opening my yap:
"Maybe you could tape it, Ronny?"
Mary pointed out, as did Ronny, that he only had eight minutes of recording time remaining on his recorder, hardly enough to handle a shot lasting a quarter of a billion years.
Dry, Technical Matter: Ronny had a digital recorder, not a videotape recorder, so the 'tape it' line was inaccurate but rolled off the tongue better than "maybe you could digitally record it, Ronny".
What The Hell's Going On Here?: Saturday I actually dove into the Virgin River! I am not making that up! This is a bulletin because I am not the type of person who normally dives into water that has not been heated or chlorinated, but for reasons which still are not entirely clear I completely lost my mind and dove in for a bit of horseplay that was as brief as it was hilarious.
I also mistook a small dog for a bobcat. Fortunately I noticed the difference before wetting my pants.
Thy Daily Bread: We ate very well. Some really good steaks Friday night, and stew Saturday and hotcakes and bacon and sausage for breakfast. Well, except for Sunday morning when Allan cooked the bacon a color usually associated with deep space, but even that was useful because the bacon was pressed into duty keeping the coffee warm.
A Little Overboard: Some neighboring "campers" were roughing it with refrigerators and satellite dishes. I am not making that up, though I wish I were. I mean, I am not Grizzly Adams, but it seems to me that if you can't make do without a refrigerator or a dish you should probably stay at home.
Final Evaluation: I had a great time, although Zion National Park really could use some convenient, complimentary valet parking. The fresh air was splendid, as was the peace and quiet, and I slept great, key in any excursion involving yours truly leaving his house. Although exactly why people want to leave a perfectly good home and transport the goods required to house and feed four people for a weekend to a patch of dirt in the middle of the woods still somewhat confuses me. But it was a great time, though the amount of stuff required for just a couple of nights was surprising. Tents, sleeping bags, chairs, food, the implements to cook them in, and the utensils to cook and eat it with. Water. Playing cards. And get this: after each meal - and this was a new concept for someone who has always been a bachelor - all dishes and pans were washed! After every meal! Nothing was left till the next day or hidden in a microwave. Whatever.
Paying The Price: In order to give you, our valued reader(s) as big a taste of this experience as possible, this column was written immediately (more or less) upon returning home, before even showering, shaving or brushing our teeth, none of which have been done since Friday morning. We did turn the air conditioning on, though.
More Stuff In Italics/Editor's Note: To commemorate the 100th anniversary of the last Chicago Cubs World Series victory, On This Date is pleased to take a look back on the 1908 Chicago Cubs did on this date!
Briefly, We Don't Have All Day: On this date, in 1908, the Cubs dropped their third straight to the Pittsburgh Pirates, 12-6, at West Side Grounds. The sweep moves the Pirates to within 2 games of the first place Cubs in the National League.
Careful, Don't Jinx Them: The 2008 Cubs are in first place, too, currently two-and-a-half games up on St. Louis.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Mars 3, launched by those rascals in the Soviet Union, was the first spacecraft to land on Mars. It was launched on May 28, 1971, and landed on Mars on Dec. 2, 1971. For unknown reasons it stopped transmitting to Earth approximately 14 seconds after touchdown.
Today's Stumper: What is the only state in the Union that does not have something owned or operated by the National Park Service in it? - Answer next time!
Threats? Recipes? Trivia question answers? Email The Writer's Shack Here!
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