Editor's Note: The Daily Dose is on hiatus for a while as Gaylon works on a project. It will return.

Funny, thoughtful commentary from around the Human Experience. Includes On This Date, Trivia and the Thought for the Day.


August 17 -
Capsule County Fair Review!
August 16 -
RIP Washington Generals
August 10 -
Some thoughts on the Aurora theater shooters sentences
August 9 -
You can't tell the candidates without a scorecard
August 6 -
The real issue at the heart of the Planned Parenthood debate
August 2 -
 Capsule Aircraft Carrier Review!

July 31 -
Lots of great stuff! Trust us!
July 27 -
Cut and paste the last mass shooting column
July 20 -
El Chapo, Pluto and Apollo!
July 19 -
Records that will and will not be broken
July 16 -
Back on the lamb!
July 14 -
 New Horizons! Pluto!
July 12 -
Can we get some straight talk, please?
July 10 -
Jeb Bush and the American worker
July 9 -
Evangelical Chirstians and gay marriage 
July 6 -
Uber vs. a taxi

June 23 -
 Here we go again
June 13- 
Louis L'Amour and the national debt

May 31 -
The Department of Justice scorecard!
May 21 -
How much do we want our government to do for us?
May 7 -
The shooting in Garland, Texas and how America has completely lost its mind.

March 29 -
Business 101
March 5 -
More Death Penalty Fun!
March 1 -
Some Thoughts On Net Neutrality

February 16 -
Be Fruitful And Multiply...Or Not. Plus Some Death Penalty Crap
February 15 -
The Economy Is Still In The Tank
February 12 -
Military Force, The Constitution, And Thou
February 9 -
 This Planet Has Gone Completely Bonkers
February 3 -
 Vote Early, Vote Often: The Latest From Gaylon For US Senate
February 1 -
Capsule Book Review! Capsule Book Review!

January 26 -
 Capsule Restaurant Review! Capsule Restaurant Review!
January 23 -
DeflateGate And Where Were The Game Officials?
January 22 - 
The State of Our Union
January 18 -
 Can A Nation Conceived In Liberty Do Anything Else?
January 15 - 
How Much Do We Want Our Government To Do For Us?
January 14 -
Read My Column: No New Taxes
Janury 12 -
 A Peaceful America, A Peaceful World
January 8 -
The Carter Criteria
January 3:
Go Congress!

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The 2015 Bottom Ten
Week 7: NCAA NFL
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NCAA NFL
Week 5:
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There is no other reason to do it, folks.
None whatsoever.
  
Copyright, 2013-15, Gaylon Kent, All rights reserved.

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There is no other reason to do it, folks.
None, whatsoever.
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Current Month    2015    2014
   
 

The Bottom Ten/2015's Greatest Hits

By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack

January 13, 2016

Still basking in the glow of the international acclaim for 2014's Best Of survey, Bottom Ten pollsters carefully reviewed every Bottom Ten survey this season to come with 2015's Greatest Hits.

This year, instead of picking the ten best lines, Bottom Ten pollsters picked the Line of the Year before presenting all the other funny lines, more or less in the order they were written.

On behalf of the Bottom Ten pollsters, Vic their bartender and the accounting staff that keeps track of their bar tab, thank you for reading, we hope you enjoy reading The Bottom Ten as much as we enjoy writing it.

The 2016 Bottom Ten will begin in 231 days.

The final fiasco:

Line of the Year:

Army: Plan to distract Penn State coaching staff with sideline performance by Vienna Boys Choir thwarted when mix-up inadvertently gave credentials to Insane Clown Posse tribute act.

Caught in the Lint Trap:

Ad on splash page of Cheney football's website allows visitors to permanently skip ad, as if anybody is going to visit Cheney football's homepage more than once.

Army expected to benefit from Secretary of Defense ruling requiring civilian opponents to show proper respect for future warriors by calling all play signals and audibles to the tune of God Bless America

Commodores still seeing benefits from early-century merger of Student Affairs/Athletic Department as incoming crop of interpretive dancers, ROTC cadets expected to provide help at linebacker.

Sure, ties are exciting and everything, but even NASA engineers not sure how ties affect playoff races…League said to be looking into skipping overtime and issuing win to team with least number of domestic violence arrests.

Vanderbilt still reeling from turn-of-century merger of Athletic/Student Life departments, as Chilean foreign exchange students take over play calling duties, producing six (6) punts, three (3) interceptions and seven (7) corner kicks.

London city officials - who've caught on that Americans don't really want to see the Jaguars play - have informed NFL they will sublet future Jaguar games to Budapest or Los Angeles…

B-10 pollsters taking wait-and-see attitude after visit to Charlotte football site produces pop-up ad for assorted nail polishes.

Jayhawks issued first ever BFE Cup, issued to first ever major division team to lose to both Dakota States in same century.

Vanderbilt still hampered by turn of century merger of Athletic, Student Life departments, as only students from gymnastics team available to try two-point conversion late in game as gymnasts shocked to learn zero (0) points were awarded for vaulting kicker through uprights.

Army hindered by pregame Army Secretary ruling requiring Cadets - to better prepare them for future Army service - to have water bottles filled not with a cold, refreshing beverage, but with scalding hot coffee that more resembles an engine additive you put in tanks for improved engine performance. 

Owls do everything but place ball in end zone and let Buffalo fall on it, having two (2) fumbles and an interception returned for touchdowns…

Game not a close as score indicated, as final TD came against Rutgers players from 1869 team that played in first ever college football game and still had some eligibility remaining.

Teams thrill ESPN792 audience with 100 running plays and just 45 passing plays…While B-10 pollsters don't have any specific figures, they are "pretty sure" this was "really boring and stuff".

"Want To Be A Vandal" link on Vandal homepage clicked even less than "Read The Latest Bottom Ten" link at the Writer's Shack.

With 48 penalty yards and 40 yards lost rushing, Wolves have more backwards yards (88) than forwards yards (69).

Noted British city tired of being force fed lousy US football teams, as steady diet of Jacksonville Jaguars and Miami Dolphins has Queen looking into whether Treaty of Ghent can be revoked and War of 1812 renewed

Jayhawks not even bothering in this one, breaking out to 7-0, 14-7, 21-7, 24-7, 31-7, 38-7, 45-7, 52-7, 59-7 and 66-7 deficits before calling off the dogs and holding Baylor scoreless in fourth quarter…

Lions fans, thirsty for yet another 0-16 campaign, up in arms over benching of QB Matt Stafford, wondering "For who?"

UCF never in this one, trailing 35-0 before third stringers can even get limbered up…

Four (4) out five (5) dentists surveyed think Louisiana-Famous Dead Person is funniest B-10 combined entry ever, easily outdistancing Tri-Lateral Commission (Duke, Vanderbilt, Rice) and College of Cardinals (Notre Dame, Anna Maria).

With one win coming against lower level team and two others against major division teams with a combined 3-13 record, Vandals strength of schedule points could influence final B-10 standings if they lose out…Or not, as B-10 pollsters still not entirely sure how strength of schedule affects a survey ranking bad football teams.

Jayhawks so bad, athletic website leading with pic of four (4) chick soccer players before big match - or whatever soccer games are called - with Texas Tech this week.

UCF players issued B-10 library cards after announcement football team has 90 percent graduation rate…Despite ability to comprehend complex offensive concepts, Knights brainiacs still unable to run the ball, ranking Dead Last in Rushing Offense (78.7 ypg)

Wolves have punted for over 1.3 miles in 2015 have made zero (0) field goals…While NCAA record books does not list record for Fewest Field Goals Made, Season, B-10 pollsters "pretty sure" zero (0) in a season would "basically" be a record. 

Black Knights of Confusion hindered by Army Secretary ruling requiring Cadets - to better prepare for future battles against ISIS - to play entire game on defense while wearing combat boots and while jotting every Air Force offensive formation in triplicate with a government pen that usually doesn't write.

An EMU linebacker selected as MAC West Division Defensive Player of the Week…Probably for blowing coverages or missing tackles or something like that…B-10 staff is still investigating. 

Cadets hampered by Secretary of Army directive requiring all offensive and defensive signals to be sent in via Morse code, which resulted in 950 yards in delay of game penalties.

To avoid further public humiliation, heirs of Paul Brown, who the team is named for, thinking of changing name to Cleveland Lebowskis

Total team effort as punt return average made the difference, with Jayhawks only mustering six (6) feet every return - a mark that could be improved simply by getting some 7-foot basketball players to fall forward after catching a punt.

While veteran B-10 watchers know you overlook Washington State at your peril, Beavers appear primed to keep Spotted Owl Jug - symbolic of Pacific Northwest B-10 supremacy - for the next few years.

Cowboys in that infrequent, dread state of being in race for both NFL playoffs, B-10 title at same time…Cowboys need help for both, needing to finish 0-3, plus have other teams win to earn B-10 title; win out, have everyone else in division lose, have New Horizons spacecraft reverse course, land on Pluto to make playoffs


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Sunday October 18
The Wife and I went for a walk today and ended up inside a house for rent a block down for us...The house is, at least, 8o years old while 80 years ago occupants would've marveled at the indoor plumbing, it would not be a very functional house right now…The stairs are very narrow and are mostly between two walls and don't have the handrails that become more and more important as you get older…Plus, the only bathroom is on the ground floor, also important as you get older, especially if your sleeping on the top floor and have to negotiate fun house stairs to get there.
The young couple that bought it was out staining the deck and said they've had some calls on it, but nothing has worked out so far…I forgot to ask how much they're asking for it.

Also on the walk we ran into a mom, Becky, out for a walk with her kids…One was a girl scout with an order form The Wife - an old girl scout herself - spotted from more than a block away…We thought it was for cookies, but no, it was for nuts and other assorted stuff like that…The Wife ordered some stuff that was chocolate covered and shaped like daisies, while I ordered some whole cashews, which I dearly love.

When we knocked off work Friday night we didn't know what we would be in store for Monday because our truck was being towed back to the branch…Well, Keith called me today and said we are driving to Town A Monday morning to pick one up that someone from Route 21 is driving up.

This means we will have to be on the road by 6am and ol' Sparrow will miss his now-treasured workout, but I will take the opportunity eat really well...I am almost down a notch on my belt and I am highly motivated to make it so I can get down a couple of more notches.

Current Month    2015    2014

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The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.

Copyright 2013-14, Gaylon Kent, all rights reserved. Only excerpts for a review may be used in any form without Gaylon Kent's express written consent, just like on NFL telecasts.

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