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Gaylon Kent
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The Diary of a Nobody
I write so you will remember it the rest of your lives.
There is no other reason to do it, folks.
None whatsoever.
Copyright, 2013, Gaylon Kent, All rights reserved.

I write so you will remember this the rest of your lives.
There is no other reason to do it, folks.
None, whatsoever.
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Friday February 6
One thing about this job is it is difficult to make plans for after work…Today was a great example of that…It's Winter Carnival weekend in town and generally it's fun to go and watch some ski jumping and have dinner and generally enjoy the atmosphere.

And if today were a normal day we would've been able to do that…However, we picked up a couple of Freddie's stops in Town A…Route 22 didn't run this week, so Freddie got stuck with a lot of them and he asked if we could take a couple of his Doily Dispensing Machines for him and I said sure, of course…One of them gave me problems, too, insisting it was empty even tho I had just stuffed it with doilies and we were over an hour behind schedule as we headed out of Town A…So instead of getting back to town about 7 or so and being able to enjoy some quality Winter Carnival time because you can never really see enough live ski jumping we got back to town about 9 or so.

We swapped trucks at the end of our route, too, Freddie forking over is beloved truck, which is identical to the one I crashed last month, and taking possession of our 072404 with non-working running lights.

Aaron, Freddie's driver and a pretty good guy, said it was a "death trap" and the dashboard looked like a Christmas tree with all the warning lights that were on, including the engine light and a triangle that no one seems to know the significance of, but it got us back home safely and it will be nice to have a drum truck again.

It's called a drum truck because you enter it from a door on the side…You walk up a couple of steps and you are in a drum and you turn the door of the drum and you get access to the inside…For ultimate security there's a thingy that reads your palm which in turn lets you rotate the drum door, but that is disabled for some reason.

Today's first world problem concerns the heater in the back of the truck: it only has two settings: "Gobi Desert" and "Off"…You can either bake, or freeze and compounding the tragedy the control isn't in arms reach of where you're sitting, you have to undo your seat belt and lean forward, a violation of company policy while the truck is moving.

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The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.

Copyright 2013-14, Gaylon Kent, all rights reserved. Only excerpts for a review may be used in any form without Gaylon Kent's express written consent, just like on NFL telecasts.
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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 6

By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack

October 8, 2015

With the Detroit Lions (still) winless and back in their natural habitat - atop the Bottom Ten survey - Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere are turning their attention to the race for the Bottom Ten medal stand.

There's no shortage of talent waiting to step in, with no less - and no more - than twelve (12) 1-3 teams vying for the attention of Bottom Ten pollsters.

In other Bottom Ten news, with all remaining Bears games expected to be really bad, Don Criqui, the Hall of Fame announcer whose name helps the herald the second worst NFL game of the coming weekend at the end of this column, has signed on to become Voice of the Bears for the remainder of the season.

This week's mess, as the nags head into the clubhouse turn:

 Detroit Lions (0-4; lost to Seattle 13-10) -Lions even catching breaks from officials now in quest for second 0-16 campaign, as back judge helps secure loss by allowing Seahawks to bat ball out of end zone without throwing penalty flag…Front office getting in gear, too, already working on how they will blow projected #1 draft pick…Next Loss: Arizona

Miami Dolphins (1-3; lost to New York Jets 27-14, at London) - Dolphins, clearly best 1-3 team in the NFL, make rare leap to B-10 medal stand from #8 spot…Dolphins so intent on first ever B-10 title they fired head coach who actually won a game, promoting assistant who is looking forward to breaking up fights at practice…Next Loss: at Tennessee (10/18)

 Kansas City Chiefs (1-3; lost to Cincinnati 36-21) - B-10 pollsters "pretty sure" Chiefs 7-to-1 field goal to punt ratio this past Sunday best in NFL in "probably a long time and stuff"…Next Loss: Chicago

 San Francisco 49ers (1-3; lost to Green Bay 17-3) - San Francisco another team hell bent on B-10 glory after winning opener, as offense produces eight (8) first downs and only 77-yards rushing and is averaging almost eight (8) points every game…San Francisco fans issuing collective sigh of relief over not having to worry about fighting for tickets if Niners became first team to play in Super Bowl in own stadium…Next Loss: at New York Giants

London, England - Noted British city tired of being force fed lousy US football teams, as steady diet of Jacksonville Jaguars and Miami Dolphins has Queen looking into whether Treaty of Ghent can be revoked and War of 1812 renewed…Next Loss: October 25 and November 1, when Jacksonville and Detroit invade.

NFC East (7-9) - Takes weekly Ray Malavasi Pin, issued to NFC's worst division…Three teams 2-2, including Dallas, which has lost two (2) straight and is on track for its own B-10 ranking…While nobody is expecting it to be as bad as last season's NFC South, with nobody in division Lion-esque bad, B-10 fans could be looking at a 8-8 or 7-9 champion…Next Loss: Spot in NFL playoffs…If playoffs began today, automatic berth would go to winner of play-in game between Washington Generals and Chicago Cubs.

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3; lost to Indianapolis 16-13 OT) - Ability to lose close ones, get shutout in second half and overtime not lost on B-10 pollsters, as Jaguars lose second straight…Jaguars to get special award from AARP, as QB and K who led Colts to victory have combined age of 82…Next Loss: at Tampa Bay

Jacksonville at Indianapolis - AFC South thriller tosses hat in ring for B-10 Game of the Year honors, keeping nation spellbound wondering if either team would score at any point in second half…Teams show mastery of fundamentals with 17 penalties, six (6) fumbles and two (2) touchdowns.

AFC South (7-9) - With one division in each conference unable to produce team with winning record, B-10 pollsters suspend weekly, league-wide Pete Rozelle Award in favor of individual conference trinkets, with AFC South earning (another) Marv Levy Broach, symbolic of AFC divisional ineptitude…Next Loss: Berth in expanded Sun Belt Conference.

Kansas City Royals (95-67; American League Central Division Champions) - America's Team is back in the ML playoffs, doing charity work before the start of their division series against the Houston Astros…Remaining teams in playoffs already getting "Wait Till Next Year" banners ready…Next Win: 2105 World Series

This Week's Clash of the Titans:
 Jacksonville at Tampa Bay

This Is Don Criqui, Voice of the Chicago Bears, Reporting:
 Chicago at Kansas City

Let's Screw CBS II:
Cleveland at Baltimore

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