The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 6
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
October 8, 2015
With the Detroit Lions (still) winless and back in their natural habitat - atop the Bottom Ten survey - Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere are turning their attention to the race for the Bottom Ten medal stand.
There's no shortage of talent waiting to step in, with no less - and no more - than twelve (12) 1-3 teams vying for the attention of Bottom Ten pollsters.
In other Bottom Ten news, with all remaining Bears games expected to be really bad, Don Criqui, the Hall of Fame announcer whose name helps the herald the second worst NFL game of the coming weekend at the end of this column, has signed on to become Voice of the Bears for the remainder of the season.
This week's mess, as the nags head into the clubhouse turn:
1. Detroit Lions (0-4; lost to Seattle 13-10) -Lions even catching breaks from officials now in quest for second 0-16 campaign, as back judge helps secure loss by allowing Seahawks to bat ball out of end zone without throwing penalty flag…Front office getting in gear, too, already working on how they will blow projected #1 draft pick…Next Loss: Arizona
2. Miami Dolphins (1-3; lost to New York Jets 27-14, at London) - Dolphins, clearly best 1-3 team in the NFL, make rare leap to B-10 medal stand from #8 spot…Dolphins so intent on first ever B-10 title they fired head coach who actually won a game, promoting assistant who is looking forward to breaking up fights at practice…Next Loss: at Tennessee (10/18)
3. Kansas City Chiefs (1-3; lost to Cincinnati 36-21) - B-10 pollsters "pretty sure" Chiefs 7-to-1 field goal to punt ratio this past Sunday best in NFL in "probably a long time and stuff"…Next Loss: Chicago
4. San Francisco 49ers (1-3; lost to Green Bay 17-3) - San Francisco another team hell bent on B-10 glory after winning opener, as offense produces eight (8) first downs and only 77-yards rushing and is averaging almost eight (8) points every game…San Francisco fans issuing collective sigh of relief over not having to worry about fighting for tickets if Niners became first team to play in Super Bowl in own stadium…Next Loss: at New York Giants
5. London, England - Noted British city tired of being force fed lousy US football teams, as steady diet of Jacksonville Jaguars and Miami Dolphins has Queen looking into whether Treaty of Ghent can be revoked and War of 1812 renewed…Next Loss: October 25 and November 1, when Jacksonville and Detroit invade.
6. NFC East (7-9) - Takes weekly Ray Malavasi Pin, issued to NFC's worst division…Three teams 2-2, including Dallas, which has lost two (2) straight and is on track for its own B-10 ranking…While nobody is expecting it to be as bad as last season's NFC South, with nobody in division Lion-esque bad, B-10 fans could be looking at a 8-8 or 7-9 champion…Next Loss: Spot in NFL playoffs…If playoffs began today, automatic berth would go to winner of play-in game between Washington Generals and Chicago Cubs.
7. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3; lost to Indianapolis 16-13 OT) - Ability to lose close ones, get shutout in second half and overtime not lost on B-10 pollsters, as Jaguars lose second straight…Jaguars to get special award from AARP, as QB and K who led Colts to victory have combined age of 82…Next Loss: at Tampa Bay
8. Jacksonville at Indianapolis - AFC South thriller tosses hat in ring for B-10 Game of the Year honors, keeping nation spellbound wondering if either team would score at any point in second half…Teams show mastery of fundamentals with 17 penalties, six (6) fumbles and two (2) touchdowns.
9. AFC South (7-9) - With one division in each conference unable to produce team with winning record, B-10 pollsters suspend weekly, league-wide Pete Rozelle Award in favor of individual conference trinkets, with AFC South earning (another) Marv Levy Broach, symbolic of AFC divisional ineptitude…Next Loss: Berth in expanded Sun Belt Conference.
10. Kansas City Royals (95-67; American League Central Division Champions) - America's Team is back in the ML playoffs, doing charity work before the start of their division series against the Houston Astros…Remaining teams in playoffs already getting "Wait Till Next Year" banners ready…Next Win: 2105 World Series
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Jacksonville at Tampa Bay
This Is Don Criqui, Voice of the Chicago Bears, Reporting: Chicago at Kansas City
Let's Screw CBS II: Cleveland at Baltimore
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