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Gaylon Kent
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The Diary of a Nobody
I write so you will remember it the rest of your lives.
There is no other reason to do it, folks.
None whatsoever.
Copyright, 2013, Gaylon Kent, All rights reserved.

I write so you will remember this the rest of your lives.
There is no other reason to do it, folks.
None, whatsoever.
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Friday February 6
One thing about this job is it is difficult to make plans for after work…Today was a great example of that…It's Winter Carnival weekend in town and generally it's fun to go and watch some ski jumping and have dinner and generally enjoy the atmosphere.

And if today were a normal day we would've been able to do that…However, we picked up a couple of Freddie's stops in Town A…Route 22 didn't run this week, so Freddie got stuck with a lot of them and he asked if we could take a couple of his Doily Dispensing Machines for him and I said sure, of course…One of them gave me problems, too, insisting it was empty even tho I had just stuffed it with doilies and we were over an hour behind schedule as we headed out of Town A…So instead of getting back to town about 7 or so and being able to enjoy some quality Winter Carnival time because you can never really see enough live ski jumping we got back to town about 9 or so.

We swapped trucks at the end of our route, too, Freddie forking over is beloved truck, which is identical to the one I crashed last month, and taking possession of our 072404 with non-working running lights.

Aaron, Freddie's driver and a pretty good guy, said it was a "death trap" and the dashboard looked like a Christmas tree with all the warning lights that were on, including the engine light and a triangle that no one seems to know the significance of, but it got us back home safely and it will be nice to have a drum truck again.

It's called a drum truck because you enter it from a door on the side…You walk up a couple of steps and you are in a drum and you turn the door of the drum and you get access to the inside…For ultimate security there's a thingy that reads your palm which in turn lets you rotate the drum door, but that is disabled for some reason.

Today's first world problem concerns the heater in the back of the truck: it only has two settings: "Gobi Desert" and "Off"…You can either bake, or freeze and compounding the tragedy the control isn't in arms reach of where you're sitting, you have to undo your seat belt and lean forward, a violation of company policy while the truck is moving.

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The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.

Copyright 2013-14, Gaylon Kent, all rights reserved. Only excerpts for a review may be used in any form without Gaylon Kent's express written consent, just like on NFL telecasts.
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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 5

By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack

October 1, 2015

The cream is starting to rise.

Sure, the Lions on the Week 3 medal stand at 0-3 is hardly a bulletin. They're the Lions; it's what they do, start 0-3. Heck, once they even started 0-16.

The Ravens and the Bears, however, have served notice that the race for The Dan Henning Trophy - symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy, will be nothing less than a knockout, drag out affair until the final fumbles and false starts in Week 17. And everyone ignores New Orleans at their peril, Miami is coming on strong and does any Bottom Ten fan ever count out the Cleveland Browns?

This week's mess, as the nags approach the clubhouse turn:

Baltimore Ravens (0-3; lost to Cincinnati 28-24) - Ravens again showing mettle of B-10 champion, overcoming yet another pesky deficit to score 17 points in final period, but defense still good enough to overcome, giving up go-ahead touchdown in final minute…Next Loss: at Pittsburgh (10/1)

Chicago Bears (0-3; lost to Seattle 26-0) - Bears all in in quest for first B-10 title, with first shutout loss since 2002…Bears sashay into NFL record book with mark that can never be broken: a perfect 1-to-1 Drives-To-Punts ratio (ten drives/ten punts)…Next Loss: Oakland

Detroit Lions (0-3; lost to Denver 24-12) - Lions use time-tested equation in latest loss: no rushing game (28 yards) + turnovers (3) = B-10 medal stand…After opening second half with touchdown, Lions offense settles down and either punts or turns it over the rest of the way…0-3 for fifth time this century, and for first time since 2010 quad started 0-4…Next Loss: at Seattle

New Orleans Saints (0-3; lost to Carolina 27-22) - Unable to crack B-10 survey at 0-2, Saints make big pitch for B-10 glory blowing two leads with final, exciting rallies coming up short…Rushing game impresses, with leading rusher gaining 50 yards and three (3) others gaining at least four (4) yards. …Next Loss: Dallas

San Diego Chargers (1-2; lost to Minnesota 31-14) - Charger offense holds on, punting or fumbling on first five (5) possessions until defense breaks through and produces 10-0 deficit…After beating up on dreaded Detroit in opener, Chargers have lost two (2) straight…Next Loss: Cleveland

 Cleveland Browns (1-2; lost to Oakland 27-20) - Browns show who's boss in matchup of B-10 perennials, with offense producing four (4) drives of six (6) or fewer yards…With three (3) of next four (4) games on road, Browns poised for strong medal stand run if they muster decent losing streak…Next Loss: at San Diego

AFC South (4-8) - Takes weekly Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL's worst division…Everyone tied for first at 1-2, everyone tied for last at 1-2…Division so bad that if NFL playoffs began today, tiebreaker would go to LSU.

Miami Dolphins (1-2; lost to Buffalo 41-14) - Another team sinking like stone after winning opener, breaking out to 27-0 deficit and never looking back…Score would have been worse had Bills been able to convert three Dolphin interceptions into more than three (3) points…Next Loss: vs. New York Jets, at London, England

Tennessee Titans (1-2; lost to Indianapolis 35-33 ) - Selected  because while every AFC South team is 1-2, they are the only one to have lost consecutive games and with Buffalo next up, they stand a good chance of making it three (3) consecutive losses…Next Loss: Buffalo

Chicago Cubs (92-65) - Cubs, usually eliminated by the Week 2 B-10 survery, hanging tough…Not only have they not been eliminated yet, they have actually qualified for the National League playoffs as they seek their first pennant since 1945 and first World Series titles since - all together now - 1908…Next Loss: National League Wild Card Game

This Week's Clash of the Titans:
 Cleveland at San Diego

This Is Don Criqui Reporting:
Oakland at Chicago

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