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Gaylon Kent
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The Diary of a Nobody
I write so you will remember it the rest of your lives.
There is no other reason to do it, folks.
None whatsoever.
  
Copyright, 2013, Gaylon Kent, All rights reserved.

I write so you will remember this the rest of your lives.
There is no other reason to do it, folks.
None, whatsoever.
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Friday February 6
One thing about this job is it is difficult to make plans for after work…Today was a great example of that…It's Winter Carnival weekend in town and generally it's fun to go and watch some ski jumping and have dinner and generally enjoy the atmosphere.

And if today were a normal day we would've been able to do that…However, we picked up a couple of Freddie's stops in Town A…Route 22 didn't run this week, so Freddie got stuck with a lot of them and he asked if we could take a couple of his Doily Dispensing Machines for him and I said sure, of course…One of them gave me problems, too, insisting it was empty even tho I had just stuffed it with doilies and we were over an hour behind schedule as we headed out of Town A…So instead of getting back to town about 7 or so and being able to enjoy some quality Winter Carnival time because you can never really see enough live ski jumping we got back to town about 9 or so.

We swapped trucks at the end of our route, too, Freddie forking over is beloved truck, which is identical to the one I crashed last month, and taking possession of our 072404 with non-working running lights.

Aaron, Freddie's driver and a pretty good guy, said it was a "death trap" and the dashboard looked like a Christmas tree with all the warning lights that were on, including the engine light and a triangle that no one seems to know the significance of, but it got us back home safely and it will be nice to have a drum truck again.

It's called a drum truck because you enter it from a door on the side…You walk up a couple of steps and you are in a drum and you turn the door of the drum and you get access to the inside…For ultimate security there's a thingy that reads your palm which in turn lets you rotate the drum door, but that is disabled for some reason.

Today's first world problem concerns the heater in the back of the truck: it only has two settings: "Gobi Desert" and "Off"…You can either bake, or freeze and compounding the tragedy the control isn't in arms reach of where you're sitting, you have to undo your seat belt and lean forward, a violation of company policy while the truck is moving.

Read More At The Diary of a Nobody Homepage

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.

Copyright 2013-14, Gaylon Kent, all rights reserved. Only excerpts for a review may be used in any form without Gaylon Kent's express written consent, just like on NFL telecasts.
 
   
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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 2:
The Interregnum Poll
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

The American classic is back. Admit it, you missed it.

The NFL Bottom Ten Interregnum Poll - mandated because of the extra week between the first NFL Bottom Ten survey and the start of the regular season - again takes center stage.

As usual, the Jim Hanifan Medallion - symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude - is awarded, as well as the usual, witless social commentary you've come to know and love.

This week's mess, as the nags limp to the starting gate:

1.
Washington Generals (6-16,000, more or less) - Former fodder for Harlem Globetrotters earn first ever Jim Hanifan Medallion, symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude…Generals disbanded this summer after Trotters decline to renew contract, pledging to find opponents that won't win six games in 60 years.

2.
Interregnum - From exciting Latin word meaning "between reign", dry, seldom-used word makes first ever medal stand appearance, and in the runner-up position no less!!!…Commonly used to describe time between sovereigns, usually only seen in US to describe time between a president's election and inauguration and in two-bit column ranking lousy professional football teams.

3.
Kim Davis (0-1) - Thank you forcing your religious beliefs on everyone else…If you don't want to gay marry - and you've married four (4) men, so you probably don't  - you don't have to…It's legal, not mandatory…Probably would've taken Jim Hanifan Medallion if not for Washington Generals…B-10 pollsters "pretty sure" Davis first county clerk to make B-10 medal stand.

4.
 Chicago Cubs (78-57) - Interregnum poll regulars, Cubs usually safely out of pennant race by this time, though they would make playoffs if season ended today…2015 seventh anniversary of Daily Dose feature chronicling 100th anniversary of Cubs last World Series title… Next Loss: National League wild card game

5.
 Gaylon Kent For United States Senate (0-1) - Third-party whackjob candidate gets more than 52,000 votes in 2014 election, more than any other third-party candidate ever in a Colorado US Senate election and only 800,000 or so less than the winner…Next Loss: 2016

6.
Thursday Night Football (0-17) - NFL foisting another season of lousy, mid-week football played by banged up players on short rest…Games so thrilling average margin of victory in 2014 was 17 points.

7.
2016 GOP Presidential Hopefuls (0-16) - With entry of Albany insurance broker Jay Bowen into race, every Republican over 35 has now entered race…GOP commitment to diversity evident, as race currently paced by wealthy, white businessman…Next Loss: History, as GOP may well vanish if they don't win White House next year.

8.
Tim Tebow (0-3) - Former Jim Hanifan Medallion winner final cut by Eagles over the weekend…B-10 pollsters have always liked Tebow who works hard and generally wins football games even if he is not the most technically precise passer in league history.

9.
NFL - League takes now usual hit in federal court, as Tom Brady's Deflategate penalty erased because NFL can't follow standard legal procedures or their own collective bargaining agreement…With concussion concerns rising and youth football participation down B-10 pollsters "pretty sure" nation probably less than two generations away from spending Sundays watching National Lacrosse League.

10.
 Los Angeles (0-20) - Despite having three (3) teams fighting to build two (2) stadiums in town, a year from now, with the Raiders in San Antonio and the Chargers and Rams staying put, city will be asking itself what the heck happened?

Opening Week Clash of the Titans:
 Carolina at Jacksonville

This Is Don Criqui Reporting:
 Green Bay at Chicago

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