The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 1
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
From scandals that still aren't resolved, to three (3) teams trying to build two (2) stadiums in one (1) city to the usual wife beatings, Bottom Ten pollsters certainly do not anticipate a shortage of material in 2015.
And this doesn't even include the usual on field fiascoes, as the very worst the NFL can muster - and it's going to be pretty bad - fight it out for the NFL Bottom Ten's top prize: The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.
The opening week mess, as the nags step on to the track:
Editor's Note: 2104 records, final B-10 finish in parenthesis:
1. Washington Redskins (4-12; 6th) - Redskins the only obstacle standing in their path for B-10 glory, as only Week 16 win prevented season-ending eight (8) game losing skid…B-10 pollsters "fairly certain" Redskins can become first NFL team to go from first to worst to worst "in a really long time" with 2015 last place finish …Opening Loss: Miami
2. Cleveland Browns (7-9; 10th) - A B-10 perennial, Browns have the resume for B-10 medal stand contention: three consecutive last place finishes - no easy feat in a division that includes the Bengals - and one (1) playoff appearance this century and have spent this decade alternating between four (4) and five (5) wins…New owner has let it be known it is time to start winning B-10 titles…Opening Loss: at New York (A)
3. Tennessee Titans (2-14; 1st) - Defending champions said to be using Week 1 B-10 snub as motivation for 2015 repeat…Current ten (10) game losing skid best in NFL……Next Loss: at Tampa Bay
4. NFL Overtime Procedures (0-1; NR) - Sure, ties are exciting and everything, but even NASA engineers not sure how ties affect playoff races…League said to be looking into skipping overtime and issuing win to team with least number of domestic violence arrests.
5. Deflategate - Entire offseason not enough to resolve this barn burner…Look, game officials touched the football on every play…They threw exactly (0) footballs out of the game…Blame them…Of course, the Patriots don't want to go 0-16 this season, so Patriots will not blame officials and Brady will take whatever punishment the arbitrator issues.
6. Oakland Raiders (3-13; 3rd) - Raiders use strong start in 2014 (0-10) and strong finish in 2013 (0-6) to cement strong B-10 runs and are looking for complete season in 2105 to earn B-10 title….Complete lack of running game helps…Opening Loss: Cincinnati
7. Saskatchewan Roughriders (0-9; lost to Ottawa 35-13) - CFL juggernaut 0-9 for third time in team history, chasing vaunted 1979 squad's historic 0-12 start…B-10 pollsters still not entirely sure how team can trail 14-1 after first quarter, but suspect it might have something to do with exchange rate…Next Loss: Winnipeg
8. NFC South (22-41-1; 5th) - Will be hard pressed to top 2014 when champion won only seven (7) games and entire division was 20 games under .500, but even having one or two teams with winning record could ensure defense of Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL's worst division…Next Loss: Status as official NFL division, as league looks to farm them out to CFL.
9. Chicago Bears (5-11; 8th) - Bears three (3)-year plan to cut number of wins in half complete success, as team goes from ten (10) wins in 2012 to five (5) wins last season…Management's plan to win 2.5 games this season sent back to steering committee for revision…Opening Loss: Green Bay
10. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-13; 4th) - Pivotal year for Jaguars, who followed up 2103's glorious medal stand finish by slipping to #4 in 2104 after sprinting to 1-10 start…London city officials - who've caught on that Americans don't really want to see the Jaguars play - have informed NFL they will sublet future Jaguar games to Budapest or Los Angeles…Next Loss: Carolina
Opening Week Clash of the (Tennessee)Titans: Tennessee at Tampa Bay
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Carolina at Jacksonville
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