The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 12
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Novembeer 18, 2015
The first in-season Bottom Ten hardware of the season has been won, as Bottom Ten staffers prepare to drop ship the Continental Cup - issued to the team with the longest all-division losing streak in NATO - back to Cheyney College…The Division II Wolves finished (another) season 0-11 and have lost 43 straight. To celebrate the Wolves become the first lower level team to ever be ranked #1 in a weekly survey.
In other news, both Kansas and idle Central Florida remain on track to finish the season winless…Since both have losses to lower level teams, Bottom Ten staffers are scrambling to figure out the next tiebreaker.
This week's fiasco:
1. Cheyney (0-11; lost to Indiana, Pennsylvania, 62-0)
Mitigating Factors: Division II Wolves, already in B-10 Hall of Fame for winning Continental Cups - issued to team with longest all-division losing streak in NATO - in 2014 and 2009, earn second Hall of Fame bust for becoming first team to win consecutive Continental Cups (2015, 2014)….With 43 consecutive losses Wolves can tie all-time D-II losing streak of 46 (Minn-Morris, 1998-03) in Week 3 next season…Wolves march into NCAA record books, with zero (0) field goals kicked in 2015 a record B-10 pollsters still "pretty sure" for, like, "a really long time".
Numbers Racket: Wolves got outscored 49.4-to-9.4 in 2015. .
Next Loss: 2016
2. Kansas (0-10; lost to TCU 23-17)
Mitigating Factors: Tied 10-10 early in second quarter, offense takes charge, punting on every possession till early fourth quarter when they were safely trailing by 13…Kansas ranks 100th or worse in 17 official stat categories, 110th or worse in 15 and 120th or worse in eight (8), including Dead Last in Total Defense…
Carry On Wayward Sons: Jayhawks still setting pace with 13-game overall and 36-game road losing streaks.
Next Loss: West Virginia
3. Eastern Michigan (1-10; lost to UMass 28-17)
Mitigating Factors: Eagles take charge of MAC race, doubling UMass' win total in one afternoon… With four (4) rushing first downs and four (4) punts, Eagles have 1:1 rushing first downs-to-punts ratio, which says something, though B-10 pollsters aren't entirely sure what yet…Nobody declines to stop the run better than the Eagles, ranking Dead Last in Rushing "Defense" (329.4 ypg)
What In The Hell's Going On Here?: An EMU linebacker selected as MAC West Division Defensive Player of the Week…Probably for blowing coverages or missing tackles or something like that…B-10 staff is still investigating.
Next Loss: Central Michigan (11/27)
4. SMU (1-9; lost to Navy 55-14)
Mitigating Factors: Mustangs show patriotic spirit, rolling over for latest crop of Naval service officer candidates… Mustangs have lost at least eight straight games in consecutive seasons for first time since 2007-08…Stubborn defense show tenacity that leads straight to B-10 glory, holding Navy offense one (1) punt and only five (5) red zone scoring opportunities in five (5) tries.
Bound For Glory: Mustangs making strong, mid-decade push for B-10 Team of the Decade honors, having lost 22 of last 24.
Next Loss: Tulane
5. Louisiana-Famous Dead Person (5-14; UL-Monroe: lost to Arkansas State 59-21; UL-Lafayette: lost to South Alabama 32-25)
Mitigating Factors: Iconic joint entry - recently named Joint Entry of the Year by Walter Camp Foundation - takes big step towards strong B-10 finish with double loss…Balanced UL-M ranks 122nd in Rushing Offense, 116th in Rushing Defense and can't even kick, ranking Dead Last in Net Punting…Lousy season by U-M anticipated by Student Union, who made Warhawks play eight (8) road games in 2015.
Keep Your Eye On The Prize: UL-L can make pitch for hilarious, joint entry's inclusion on B-10 medal stand with loss to former #1 New Mexico State this week.
Next Losses: UL-Monroe: Texas State (11/19) ; UL-Lafayette: New Mexico State
6. Sun Belt Conference
Mitigating Factors: Despite strong push from MAC, Mountain West, AFC South, Sun Belt retains B-10 weekly Conference of the Week award thanks to almost two-thirds of teams having losing records and over half having four (4) or fewer wins…Eight (8) of eleven (11) conference (conference) teams are giving up at least 30 points per game, and another is giving up 29.
Cut And Paste/I See The New Material Budget Is Still $0.00: Sun Belt Conference continues to come back strong in conference play with .500 mark, with average score of Sun Belt Conference games 79.3-to-64.932
7. Army (2-8; lost to Tulane 34-31)
Mitigating Factors: Black Knights of Confusion maintain front-runner status in race for Sgt Bilko Trophy - symbolic of service academy lousiness - with spirited loss…Cadets show type of versatility that will pay dividends on battle field against ISIS, blowing early lead then overcoming large deficit to tie it late, only to lose on last-second field goal…Cadets hampered by Secretary of Army directive requiring all offensive and defensive signals to be sent in via Morse code, which resulted in 950 yards in delay of game penalties.
And The Army Goes Rolling Along: Hoping to get offense to do better job of paying attention to detail, Cadets given extra KP this week after five (5) fumbles resulted in only one (1) turnover.
Next Loss: Rutgers
8. Hawaii (2-9; lost to Fresno State 42-14)
Mitigating Factors: After showing cursory early interest with 7-0 first quarter deficit, Hawaii breaks it open in second quarter, getting outscored 21-7…Not only is football team taking season off, sports information department mailing it in, too, leaving links to buy tickets up for games that have already been played.
Numbers Racket: With losses in four (4) time zones so far in 2105 Warriors looking to schedule late game in Maritime province so they can become first team to lose games in five (5) time zones since Tijuana Tech's ill-fated Soviet Union road trip in 1973.
Next Loss: San Jose State
9. 2015 NFL Bottom Ten NFL Survey
Mitigating Factors: With a couple of projects demanding attention, B-10 staffers announce weekly ranking of lousy professional football teams will run intermittently for the rest of the season.
FunFact: While NFL Bottom Ten has, from time to time, taken bye weeks, B-10 pollsters "pretty sure" this is the first time they've completely thrown in the towel midseason.
10. Charlotte (2-8; lost to Texas-San Antonio 30-27)
Mitigating Factors: 49ers, in their first year of major division football, ineligible for final B-10 ranking, but included this week to give B-10 fans taste of things to come…After starting off with wins against defending B-10 champion, lower level team, Charlotte has lost eight (8) straight…
FunFact: B-10 pollsters "pretty sure" 49ers are in ConferenceUSA, though with near-constant realignment, Charlotte could end up in AFC South in 2016.
This Week's Clash of the Titans: UL-Lafayette at New Mexico State
This One Isn't Going To Be Any Good, Either:San Jose State at Hawaii
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