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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 1
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
120 teams.
One trophy.
On your mark. Get set. Stumble.
The race for the most coveted trophy in collegiate sports - The Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6 - fumbles its way out of the starting gate this week with no shortage of teams capable of contending for the top spot.
As always, veteran B-10 watchers will be anxious to see whether B-10 stalwarts like North Texas, Rice and Notre Dame will contend, or whether some up-and-coming team will storm out of nowhere to grab a medal stand berth. All anyone knows for sure is that with two 0-12 and 1-11 teams, plus a smattering of 2-10 teams from last year, and only three medal stand spots, the Quality of Loss component could play a big part in the final rankings.
The opening week mess. 2009 records, plus current losing streaks, are in parenthesis.
1. Cardinal Heading U. (W. Kentucky, E. Michigan, 0-24, L32)
Mitigating Factors: Defending B-10 champion and runner-up, not to mention the teams with the two longest major-college losing streaks, combined into potential juggernaut entry for administrative, entertainment purposes…After three seasons of major college football, W. Kentucky has 1-27 record against major college teams…E. Michigan, still smarting after running the table in 2009 and still failing to win B-10 title, will be led by 17 seniors who have won eight (8) games in four (4) years.
Born To Run: Entry would have tough time stopping running game of powder puff team, with EMU ranking Dead Last in Rushing Defense (276.75 ypg) and WKU ranking Next-To-Next-To Dead Last (244.93 ypg).
Opening Losses: W. Kentucky: at Nebraska; E. Michigan: Army
2. Rice (2-10; L1)
Mitigating Factors: Owl fans still hooting after 2009 snub that left Rice out of final B-10 rankings despite lousy record and loss to Vanderbilt squad that finished #10…Owls have only selves to blame, as late, curious two-game win streak takes momentum out of strong 0-9 start…Owls so bad athletic department has tarped over most seats at venerable Rice Stadium, bringing capacity down to 137.
Why: Owls return entire offensive line from unit that paved way for running game to rank 104th in Rushing Offense and allowed over two (2) sacks per game.
Opening Loss: Texas (at Reliant Stadium, Houston)
3. Washington State (1-11; L9)
Mitigating Factors: Following a number seven finish in 2008 and a strong medal stand performance in 2009 Cougars look to continue ascent up B-10 charts in 2010 with well-balanced squad that finished Dead Last in Total Defense (512 ypg) and Next-To-Dead Last in Total Offense (248.5 ypg) last year …With only 2009 win coming in OT, Cougars first team in B-10 history to not lead a game in regulation for entire season and not win B-10 title.
Total Team Effort: Cougars ranked 100th or worse in, ah hell, it's easier to list the categories they ranked 100th or better in: 52nd in Net Punting (36.1 ypk) and 85th in Punt Returns (6.89 ypr).
Opening Loss: at Oklahoma State
4. Vanderbilt (2-10; L8)
Mitigating Factors: Commodores come back strong following 2008 bowl victory with fifth two-win season this century…Former coach Bobby Johnson so pleased with this year's prospects he fled in mid-July rather than suffer through this year's fiasco…Current eight-game skid second time this century Vanderbilt has lost eight straight in single season, and is longest losing streak since iconic 1997-98 squads lost eleven straight.
Old College Try: With merging of Athletic Department with Student Life Department a few years back, open coaching spot filled by Drum Major who immediately shifted drill team's responsibilities from halftime show to special teams, with Commodores scheduled to debut exciting, new, prancing, high-stepping punt coverage this year.
Opening Loss: Northwestern
5. College of Cardinals (Notre Dame, Anna Maria College, 6-15, L13)
Mitigating Factors: Fun-loving B-10 pollsters, already more or less damned to hell anyway, take advantage of storied program fallen on hard times, upstart, winless D-III program for, fun, gratuitous entry…Irish have not won more than three consecutive games in a season since 2006 while producing three four-game losing streaks since 2007…Wildcats only team in NCAA - not to mention the hemisphere and planet - to average negative yardage on punt returns in 2009.
Onward! Christian Soldiers: Looking to build storied program like Irish did, Wildcats attempted to schedule easy wins this year against Edgewood High, Rush Medical and Physicians and Surgeons like Notre Dame did in their early years.
Opening Losses: Notre Dame: Purdue; Anna Maria: at Worcester State (9/3)
6. North Texas (2-10; L4)
Mitigating Factors: B-10 perennials, Not-So-Mean Green looking to rebound from 2009's #7 finish, which followed triumphant 2008 title…After slow start to century that included four bowl appearances, North Texas has been a second-half juggernaut, winning a total of ten (10) games the past five (5) seasons.
The Defense Rests: Offense actually pretty respectable, but, like everybody else in conference, Not-So-Mean Green never plays defense, giving up over 400 yards and 35 points per game in 2009.
Opening Loss: at Clemson
7. Duke (5-7; L4)
Mitigating Factors: B-10 perennials and Team of the Decade for the Double Aughts placed on thin ice with nine (9) wins the past two (2) seasons…Blue Devils finished 2009 strong, though, rebounding from 5-3 start with solid four-game losing streak…Blue Devils pinning B-10 hopes on inexperience, hoping 54 underclassmen will counter the 15 returning starters, who aren't too good to begin with.
Strong Finishing Kick: Blue Devils have ended season with a win only once this century, and have produced season-ending losing streaks of 12, 11, 11, 9, 8, 7, 5 and 4 games in Double Aughts…The 12, 11 game skids were also season-starting losing streaks, as Duke as had three winless seasons this century.
Opening Loss: Elon
8. Army (5-7; L1)
Mitigating Factors: Current holders of Sgt. Bilko Trophy - symbolic of service academy lousiness - Black Knights of Confusion hoping to regain form that produced eight seasons of between zero and three wins in Double Aughts…Army hoping to benefit from new Department of Homeland Security regulation requiring opponents to submit to TSA cavity searches, background checks, before entering end zone.
Insert Asterisk Here: Of five wins last year, one was intramural, touch football fiasco vs. VMI at Defense Department picnic while other four "wins" came against B-10 stalwarts that mustered six wins between them.
Opening Loss: at Eastern Michigan
9. Sun Belt Conference
Mitigating Factors: With its teams winning two of the last three B-10 titles, Sun Belt gets preseason Conference of the Year nod despite the fact the Mid-American Conference had eight teams finish with losing records in 2009, including three teams with two or fewer victories.
Repeat Of Gratuitous Line Used Every Year: Rebounded from stellar 6-28 non-conference mark for tolerable .500 record in conference play.
Next Loss: Major college status as NCAA looks to secure automatic entry into D-II playoffs for conference champion.
10. NCAA
Mitigating Factors: NCAA executives slapping themselves on backsides for deflecting attention away from BCS mess with embarrassing off-season that reaffirmed the NCAA and its schools are adept at being both whore and john at the same time…Though fans spared from seeing budding Texas/Washington St. rivalry, soon the Big Ten will have twelve teams, while the Big 12 will have ten.
Not So Fun Fact: Despite proven success in pretty much every level of every other sport, NCAA still refuses to sanction a major-division college football playoff.
Opening Week Clash of the Titans: Army at Eastern Michigan
These Aren't Going To Be Any Good Either: Entire Sun Belt, MAC schedules;
Available On espn4536.com: Northwestern at Vanderbilt
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