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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 7
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
The true legacy of the Detroit Lions may not be the first 0-16 season in NFL history, nor the longest losing streak in a generation, or even their follow-up losing streak, now at two games. No, the Lions legacy might well be the inspiration they provided to other loser teams in the NFL that are now striving to match the 0-16 mark last year as no less than four teams remain unvictoried as the hunt for The Dan Henning Trophy rolls on.
There are so many bad teams in the NFL this year, and we have so much witless social commentary thrown in this week, that B-10 pollsters were unable to find room for the Buffalo Bills who for the second straight week gave a winless team their first win of the season.
This week's mess, as the nags negotiate the clubhouse turn:
1. Tennessee (0-5; lost Indianapolis 31-9) - Titans take command of B-10 race with nationally televised debacle…Offense so good of three field goals that accounted for their scoring, the shortest one was from 43-yards out…Next Loss: at New England
2. Kansas City (lost to Dallas 26-20, OT) - Pass defense steps up, chipping in with 59-yard touchdown pass to break tie in fourth quarter and 60-yard touchdown pass to lose it in overtime, which heroically overcame game-tying touchdown by offense in last minute of fourth quarter…Chiefs have lost nine (9) straight, 28 of 30 and have not won consecutive games since October, 2007…Next Loss: at Washington
3. Tampa Bay (0-5; lost to Philadelphia 33-14) - Buccaneers defense key, giving up touchdown passes of 51, 40 and 20 yards overcoming offense that actually manages 20 first downs, 303 total yards and goes 7-for-16 on third down conversions… Buccaneers have lost nine (9) straight, four straight to end 2008, which took them out playoff contention, and five straight this year, to take them out of playoff contention…Next Loss: Carolina
4. St. Louis (lost to Brett Favre 38-10) - Rams never in it, allowing B-10 pollsters to dust off trusty 'they were out of it before anyone needed a deodorant" line, trailing 14-0 after first quarter and 17-3 at halftime…34 points - for the entire season - fewest in NFL…Rams in car right behind Lions on losing streak train, having lost 15 straight …Next Loss: at Jacksonville
5. Oakland (1-4; lost to New York Giants 44-7) - Head coach Tom Cable tries pregame beatings as motivational tool, inspiring quarterback JaMarcus Russell to complete eight passes, lose three fumbles and get sacked six (6) times…Next Loss: Philadelphia
6. Detroit (1-4; lost to Pittsburgh 28-20) - Lions become first NFL team to lose consecutive games twice in 2009 with uninspired, assembly line loss to defending Super Bowl champions…Next Loss: at Green Bay
7. North Texas (1-4; lost to UL-Lafayette 38-34) - NCAA B-10 perennial ranked here following inadvertent omission from Week 7 NCAA poll…Leading 34-24 after third quarter, UNT offense announces their work is done, allowing defense to give up 14 points in clutch Sun Belt Conference loss…Next Loss: Florida Atlantic
8. Nobel Peace Prize - Actual Nobel citation is not completely without merit, though fact nominations closed eleven (11) days after Mr. Obama took office and the fact we are at war on two fronts make one of mankind's highest awards seem like a Special Olympics prize issued to improve morale of polarized, dysfunctional nation…Next Loss: Bottom Ten winning Nobel Prize for Literature
9. MLB Playoffs - 10pm Eastern Time starts, games played at night in freezing weather, three-and-a-half hour games, all great ways to drive baseball even farther behind NFL and NASCAR in national consciousness…Next Loss: Another generation of fans.
10. NFL Uniforms - Look, we like nostalgia as much as the next wingnut, but those throwback Denver Bronco uniforms made them look like not particularly masculine jesters from the court of that creepy monarch in the Burger King commercials...As of press time, B-10 pollsters still debating whether they are as ugly as those neon lime green Seattle Seahawk blouses… Next Loss: Manhood cards for NFL players.
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Carolina at Tampa Bay
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: St. Louis at Jacksonville
Strategies of the Great Coaches Series: "We have to go back and evaluate what we've done." - Tampa Bay coach Raheem Morris, 0-5 in his NFL career.
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