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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 5
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Honestly, just when B-10 pollsters, exhausted from the effort required to produce the NCAA Bottom Ten survey, think about deep sixing the NFL poll, they're saved by the Detroit Lions going winless. Then the Lions up and win - we are not making that up - just when you think there is reason to come to work the Seattle Seahawks wear the ugliest uniforms in the history of sports.
Detroit's win blows the 2009 race for the Dan Henning Trophy - symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy - wide open, as there are no less than six (6) winless teams remaining in the NFL, and none of them may be as bad as the Redskins who have actually won a game.
This week's imbroglio, as the nags past the grandstand for the first time:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-3; lost to Baltimore 34-7) - Offense already in midseason form, producing four interceptions leading to 21 Ravens points…Fourth quarter field goal breaks six-quarter scoreless streak and means Browns have scored in three straight games!...Offense has produced one (1) touchdown since November 17, 2008 and Browns now own NFL's longest losing streak, nine (9) games...Next Loss: Cincinnati
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-3; lost to New York Giants 24-0) - Buccaneers don't even bother in this one, going three and out on six (6) drives and getting 71 total yards in fourth quarter, 30 yards rest of game…With Detroit loss, Buccaneers now have NFL's second-longest losing streak, seven games…Next Loss: at Washington
3. Seattle Seahawks Uniforms - Oh, Jesus H., neon lime green jerseys and metallic dark blue pants…The once-proud Seahawks looked like 45 faggots heading out for a night of clubbing…Fortunately they lost to the classically attired Chicago Bears, so maybe jerseys will be regarded associated with bad luck and never worn again.
4. Washington Redskins (1-2; lost to Detroit 19-14) - Redskins storm into B-10 poll for first time in 2009, hoping to capitalize on momentum gained from snapping second-longest losing streak in NFL history for strong B-10 run…Redskins in key stretch of five games against fellow B-10 teams.…Next Loss: Tampa Bay
5. Kansas City Chiefs (0-3; lost to Philadelphia 34-14) - Chiefs have only scored twice in first and third quarters, leading coaching staff to rethink plan of resting in odd-numbered quarters, scoring 90 percent of points in even-numbered quarters, might not be working…Next Loss: New York Giants
6. Miami Dolphins (0-3; lost to San Diego 23-13) - Dolphins returning to form that earned them 2007 B-10 title, are 0-3 for the second time in three seasons, and the third time since 2004…Stubborn Dolphins hang tough until fourth quarter when offense seals loss with interception returned for touchdown…Next Loss: Buffalo
7. Detroit Lions (1-2; defeated Washington 19-14) - In breaking 19-game losing streak, Lions go from lovable B-10 poster boys to being just another 1-2 team with problems…Despite win, Lions have still lost 19 of 20, of course, as well as 25 of their last 27...Lions would have to undefeated through Week 4 of the 2013 season to reach .500 mark for century…Next Loss: at Chicago
8. Tennessee Titans (0-3; lost to New York Jets 24-17) - QB Kerry Collins clutch in fourth quarter, stalling two drives with an interception and a sack before ending game with incompletion thrown into double coverage…Titans follow up 17-point rally that gave them the lead with six drives ending in five consecutive punts, interception…Next Loss: at Jacksonville
9. Carolina Panthers (0-3) - Except for curious drive late in first half that resulted in a touchdown, Panthers make big B-10 splash by sleepwalking through Monday Night Football loss…Next Loss: Washington (Oct. 11)
10. NFC South (5-7) - One-third of NFL's winless teams fester in this petri dish, as division is first 2009 recipient of Pete Rozelle Pin, given to NFL's worst division!
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Tampa Bay at Washington
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Detroit at Chicago
Let's Screw CBS Too: Cincinnati at Cleveland
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