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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 2: The Interregnum Poll!
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
September 9, 2009
With the Week 1 NFL B-10 survey already in the books, and with the regular season still not started, B-10 pollsters are pleased to present the now highly anticipated Bottom Ten Interregnum Poll!
It's great fun. As always, we are pleased to award the Jim Hanifan Medallion - symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude - as well throw in the usual witless social commentary that regularly attends the Interregnum Poll.
This week's mess, as the nags grab a breather before heading to the starting gate:
1. Arizona Cardinals (0-4) - Awarded Jim Hanifan Medallion - the first award of the B-10 season - in tiebreaker over fellow 0-4ers Carolina and Kansas City based on last season's Super Bowl appearance.
2. Detroit Lions (3-1) - 2008's 0-16 darlings actually win three preseason games, eclipsing regular season win totals of 2008, 2006, 2002 and 2001.
3. US Congress - Has done nothing of substance for two generations, except spend more money than they take in and ensure their own reelection, both of which should be enough to guarantee that nothing resembling the current US of A exists within two generations! Thanks guys!
4. Buffalo Bills (1-4) - Uses bonus, Hall of Fame game appearance to get extra loss, which will be good practice for regular season.
5. US Health Care - Medical care per person in US costs more than in any other country. Maybe if two-thirds of this country wasn't obese this would change!
6. US Health Care - About 15 percent of the country is uninsured…Maybe the government should worry about them instead of farting around worrying about those who are.
7. Cowboys Stadium (2-2) - Stadium's video board is as omnipresent and annoying as its owner…It also gets hit by live, in-game punts…Rumors persist Jerry Jones made two sons and daughter, who are executives with team, pay him naming rights fee since real company has refused to fork over to have name attached to stadium.
8. Michael Jackson, Ted Kennedy - Both born with advantages most others lack - one with more talent than all but a handful of human have had at any one thing and the other personal wealth and a good education - both manage to parlay their advantages into legacies ranging from child molester to drunk killer.
9. ESPN - Friends, do we really need national, HD coverage of high school football? Come on guys, if we want to watch a high school football game, please let us go to our local high school and watch one in person. Go back to your roots and show Australian Rules Football or something. We don't need another excuse to stay in the house!
9A. Interregnum - Tedious, seldom used word usually refers to a vacancy in the throne or any period where a continuous series lapses but here refers to the week we have to kill before the NFL starts…Often used in US to refer to time between the election and inauguration of a new president, usually amongst snotty folks who think they are too good to use 'transition'.
10. Don Criqui - Talented, Hall of Fame announcer deserves better than being mentioned in hack column with weekly, lousy NFL game.
Opening Week Clash of the Titans: San Francisco at Arizona - Match-up so historically bad NFL once made them play in Mexico.
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Detroit at New Orleans.
Sad But True: With a Thursday game and two (2) Monday night games, Criqui actually doesn't have an assignment this week.
Now Hear This: When B-10 pollsters were looking for a network announcer to highlight a lousy NFL game with a 'This Is So And So Reporting' lead line, we also considered Tim Ryan, another highly talented announcer who never got any decent assignments either.
Comments? Recipes? Complaints? Email the Writer's Shack here!
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