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The Bottom Ten/Team of the Decade: The Double Aughfulls!
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
All good things must come to an end, including the Double Aughts. Sure, nobody broke B-10 Hall of Fame charter member Northwestern's all-time losing streak of 34 games (which ended a stretch where they lost 73 of 78) but any decade that sees four (4) losing streaks of at least 20 games (including Western Kentucky's current 20-gamer) must be considered a resounding success.
The polling was close, with pollsters showing due regard for early decade juggernauts like Buffalo and Duke, while remaining mindful of teams that flourished later, like Florida International, North Texas and Notre Dame.
This decade's mess. See you in 2019!
1. Duke
Overall Record: 19-97
Winless Seasons: 3 (2006, 2000-01)
Longest Losing Streak: 23 games (1999-2001)
Decade In Review: Blue Devils easy choice for B-10 Team of the Decade honors…Had two longest losing streaks of Double Aughts, also producing 22 game losing streak from 2005-07…Only 2007 win against B-10 Hall of Famers Northwestern prevented decade best 32-game losing streak…From 2000-08, only twice failed to lose consecutive games, or, to put it another way, they had only two one-game losing streaks...Blue Devils have not won a bowl game since winning the 1961 Cotton Bowl.
2. Army
Overall Record: 25-91
Winless Seasons: 1 (2003)
Longest Losing Streak: 19 games (2002-04)
Decade In Review: Historic 2003 team first, only team in NCAA history to go 0-13 in one season…Leadership on that team so strong that seniors from that team have all been discharged from the service for being queer or inadvertently shooting themselves, or someone else, while cleaning rifle…Black Knights of Confusion have not had winning season since first Clinton Administration…Earns Gomer Pyle Award, issued to worst service academy team of decade…In patriotic gesture, record for decade at end of 2007 season was - and we are not making this up - 17-76…Have lost eight straight to Navy, causing Army secretary to call for emergency legislation requiring Midshipmen to play Army each year wearing swim fins instead of cleats.
3. North Texas
Overall Record: 42-78
Winless Seasons: none
Longest Losing Streak: 8 games (twice: 2006-07; 2008)
Decade In Review: Not So Mean Green have strong finishing kick, recovering from three straight winning seasons (2002-04) to win 2007 B-10 title...North Texas constantly shooting selves in foot though, as inopportune wins prevent them from rattling off anything more than an eight game losing streak…Has not won consecutive games since seven (7) game winning streak in 2004.
4. Buffalo
Overall Record: 30-88
Winless Seasons: none
Longest Losing Streak: 18 games (2002-03)
Decade In Review: A bowl appearance in 2008 and five wins this year can't hide the fact Bulls were early decade B-10 juggernauts, losing 18 straight, winning all of seven (7) games from 2002-06 inclusive and not winning consecutive games in Double Aughts until October, 2007…Buffalo beat a major division team that finished season with winning record once (once) this decade and a full one-third of their wins this decade came against teams that finished season with either one (1) or zero (0) wins.
5. Temple
Overall Record: 34-82
Winless Seasons: 1 (2005)
Longest Losing Streak: 20 (2004-06)
Decade In Review: Owls started decade with three consecutive run-of-the-mill four-win seasons before really hitting B-10 stride and winning only four (4) games from 2003-06 inclusive, leading to their being kicked out of the Big East…Owls lost 51 of 56 between October, 2002 and September, 2007 and had losing streaks of at least four games in first nine years of decade.
6. Vanderbilt
Overall Record: 34-83
Winless Seasons: none
Longest Losing Streak: 8 (2009, 2003)
Decade In Review: …A B-10 'Legacy" team, Commodores curious, seven-win 2008 season was first winning season since 1982 squad went 8-4…Commodores actually averaged more wins per season after they disbanded their athletic department and merged it with Student Affairs Department, showing student senate, vending machine stockers and drum major can run football team better than professional athletic administrators…2-10 2009 mark was fifth time in Double Aughts Vanderbilt finished season with two (2) wins…2008 bowl win was first since beating Auburn in 1955 Gator Bowl.
7. Toronto
Overall Record: 4-76
Winless Seasons: 7 (2002-07; 2000)
Longest Losing Streak: 49 (2001-07)
Decade In Review: NAFTA-mandated entry, the Varsity Bleus earn Continental Cup Team of Decade Award, as 49-game winning losing streak is Double Aughts hemisphere's best all-division losing streak…Actually finished off Double Aughts by winning games in both 2008 and 2009…Actually lost to something called McMaster 80-0 in 2003.
8. Notre Dame
Overall Record: 70-52
Winless Seasons: none
Longest Losing Streak: 7 (2006-07)
Decade In Review: Irish made first B-10 presence in 2007, earning final #8 finish and winning Sgt. Bilko Trophy - symbolic of service academy lousiness - after losing to Navy and Air Force in same season…Had three coaches in Double Aughts (not counting an interim coach and the guy who lied on his resume), the same number Notre Dame had from 1918-40 and 1964-85…Despite Papal Bull authorizing BCS bowl victory and peeks down the jock strap by priets at confession after bowl losses, Irish still have not won bowl game on continental United States since defeating Texas A&M in 1993 Cotton Bowl.
9. Florida International
Overall Record: 17-52
Winless Seasons: 1 (2006)
Longest Losing Streak: 22 (2006-07)
Decade In Review: Newest team in survey, as Golden Panthers started playing football in 2004…Team sucked immediately, losing first seven (7) games to I-A teams…2007 B-10 title there for the taking, but win over eventual champion North Texas foiled title dreams, as Panthers settled for Tostitos Plaque, issued to team with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win…Nobody is entirely sure why FIU started playing football...Has yet to beat a I-A team that finished the season with a winning record.
10. BCS
Overall Record: Don't even start
Winless Seasons: Every year there is not a playoff
Longest Losing Streak: 12 years
Decade In Review: List of transgressions is long: refuses to acknowledge brilliance of playoffs, despite fact lower divisions produce exciting playoffs every year…Has twice sent teams not good enough to win conference title to national championship game…In was termed a 'paperwork error' once forgot to send #1 team in both AP and Coaches polls to title game…In incident now embarrassingly known as "Travelgate" once sent Big Ten and Pac-10 champion to Orange Bowl…In order to avoid further embarrassment and ensure one of them lost and didn't finish season undefeated, BCS made Boise State and TCU play each other in Fiesta Bowl…Is responsible for foisting meaning exhibition games - called bowls - sponsored by things called AdvoCare, Roady's Truck Stops and - we are not making this up, not that we made the previous two up - Beef O'Brady's on American public.
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