Home
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Bowl Game Edition
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
While the BCS didn't have too much controversy this year - really, only some Texans from Ft. Worth, who are always fun to annoy, and some white supremacists from Idaho, who are somewhat less fun to annoy, are angry this year - the wingnuts here at the Bottom Ten are still pleased to present the annual bowl game edition of the Bottom Ten.
Like last year there are eight (8) team playing this postseason who were not good enough to win more games than they lost, including one who had a five-game losing streak.
Also, like last year if seven wins had been required for bowl eligibility like it probably should be there would not have been enough teams for all 34 bowl games. There would have been enough for 30, which is actually better than 2008, when there were enough seven-win teams for 29.5 bowl games.
The 2009 bowl season is so meaningless that Sugar Bowl-bound Cincinnati had their coach flee to Notre Dame where he doesn't have to worry about coaching in a bowl game.
This year's mess:
1. Insight Bowl (12/31 Iowa State 6-6, vs. Minnesota 6-6)
Details: December 31, Sun Devil Stadium, Tempe, Arizona
Teams: Iowa State (6-6) vs. Minnesota (6-6)
Reasons To Watch: You are addicted to ending your year by watching two 6-6 teams play football.
Reasons Not To Watch: Both teams finished 3-5 in conference play. They aren't any good.
Bottom Line: The Insight Bowl takes over the top spot this year, moving out the two-time defending B-10 Bowl champ, the Independence Bowl…B-10 staffers "pretty sure" Minnesota trying to become first team in history to end season by losing to both Iowa and Iowa State…Cyclones won 2008 B-10 Tostitos Plaque, issued to team with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win.
2. Independence Bowl
Details: December 28, Independence Stadium, Shreveport, Louisiana
Teams: Georgia (7-5) vs. Texas A&M (6-6)
Reasons To Watch: You are special teams fanatic who appreciates the fact Georgia led the nation in Net Punting…You're from Shreveport, had the good sense to move away, and you're wondering why anyone would want to go there in late December.
Reasons Not To Watch: You have some zero clue what the title sponsor, AdvoCare V100 does.
Bottom Line: Georgia out to avenge 40-20 loss to Aggies in 1940 Presidential Cup Bowl.
3. Eagle Bank Bowl
Details: December 29, Robert F. Kennedy Stadium, Washington, D.C.
Teams: UCLA (6-6) vs. Temple (9-3)
Reasons To Watch: The novelty of seeing former B-10 perennial Temple in a bowl game…You enjoy watching football games played in RFK Stadium…It's okay to admit it…We all do.
Reasons Not To Watch: Despite trying five (5) times, UCLA did not win a game in October.
Bottom Line: UCLA third choice to play Temple, but Army was not able to muster the required six wins and the ACC was unable to muster eight bowl-eligible teams….From 2003-06 Temple won four games and went winless in 2005.
4. Alamo Bowl
Details: January 2, 2010, Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Teams: Michigan State (6-6) vs. Texas Tech (8-4)
Reasons To Watch: First time in NCAA history two schools are meeting for the first time in a bowl game played indoors that is named after a battle in a war between a large Southern state whose residents think they're better than everyone else and Mexico.
Reasons Not To Watch: Game is one of eight (8) played after New Year's Day, when nobody really cares about college football anymore.
Bottom Line: With losses to compass point school, iconic Catholic school and land grant school Michigan State looking to wrap up season with loss to state technical institution.
5. Humanitarian Bowl
Details: December 30, Bronco Stadium, Boise, Idaho
Teams: Bowling Green (7-5) vs. Idaho (7-5)
Reasons To Watch: You're a traditionalist, preferring your bowl games played in the freezing cold on blue carpeting...Idaho's given up 115 points in its last two games…Novelty of watching Bowling Green play so close to New Year's Day.
Reasons Not To Watch: Dude, it's Idaho vs. Bowling Green, do you really care?
Bottom Line: Dude, it's Idaho vs. Bowling Green, do you really care?
6. Hawaii Bowl
Details: December 24, Aloha Stadium, Honolulu, Hawaii
Teams: Southern Methodist (7-5) vs. Nevada-Reno (8-4)
Reasons To Watch: It's a sacred bowl season tradition to watch games from Hawaii and see how many empty seats there are.
Reasons Not To Watch: You live where there's 18 inches of snow on the ground and you get pissed watching anything from where the weather's warm.
Bottom Line: God fearing Mustangs originally balked at playing bowl game on eve of sacred Christian holiday celebrating Savior's birth but softened when bowl committee mentioned $750,000 check and that game was played in Hawaii…Nevada coach Chris Ault is - along with Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno - one of three coaches this bowl season who is in the College Football Hall of Fame.
7. St. Petersburg Bowl
Details: December 19, Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Teams: Rutgers (8-4) vs. Central Florida (8-4)
Reasons To Watch: You are a history buff and appreciate the fact this is one of two bowl games this year played in stadiums that have also hosted the World Series and United Football League games.
Reasons Not To Watch: It's early enough in December so that the weather is still decent enough to spend some quality time outdoors doing something instead of wasting three hours you'll never get back watching this fiasco.
Bottom Line: Game may not be too bad, actually, as neither team lost consecutive games this year and both teams can stop the run, though UCF couldn't stop a passing league team quarterbacked by your Aunt Zelda.
8. Bell Helicopters Armed Forces Bowl
Details: December 30, Amon G. Carter Stadium, Fort Worth, Texas
Teams: Air Force (7-5) vs. Houston (10-3)
Reasons To Watch: You're looking into buying a helicopter and are wondering if Bell helicopters are any good.
Reasons Not To Watch: Air Force ranked third in Rushing Offense this year, while Houston ranked 112th in Rushing Defense.
Bottom Line: These two teams met in this bowl last year and the ghost of Knute Rockne does not appear to be demanding a rematch…Houston ranked 1st in Passing Offense while Air Force ranked 1st in Passing Defense.
9. BCS Bowls
Details: Visonary system uses various human and electronic factors are combined to determine who plays for the BCS championship and other major bowl games.
Teams: Ten of them, including four who are still undefeated.
Reasons To Watch: The Rose Bowl, which we here at the Bottom Ten admit to being in love with - features the Big Ten and Pac-10 champion for the second consecutive year!
Reasons Not To Watch: There is not a playoff…All anyone needs to do to convince themselves that a playoff would become an instant American classic is to watch a real, NCAA football title game. See #10 entry below.
Bottom Line: As usual, some bastard in BCS media office denied the Writer's Shack's credential request.
10. The Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl: The NCAA Division III National Championship Game
Details: December 19, Salem Football Stadium, Salem, Virginia
Teams: Wisconsin-Whitewater (14-0) vs. Mount Union (14-0)
Reasons To Watch: We are not making this up: two 14-0 teams are concluding a 32-team playoff by actually playing for a real, NCAA national championship.
Reasons Not To Watch: There is no reason not to watch this game…We looked…Trust us.
Bottom Line:This is the fifth consecutive year these two teams have met in the Stagg Bowl…Official Writer's Shack fave Mount Union won in 2005-06 and in 2008, while evil Wisconsin-Whitewater won in 2007…Mount Union is looking for their eleventh national championship…This is just the third and fourth times a team has appeared in five consecutive NCAA national championship football games, joining Northwest Missouri State, who has appeared in the last five D-II title games (2006-09) and Augustana (Ill) played in five straight Stagg Bowls from 1982-86.
Comments? Recipes? Complaints? Email the Writer's Shack here!
Home |
|
