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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Final
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Controversy reigns supreme this year in the final NCAA Bottom Ten poll. First, with two 0-12 teams and only one Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6, a very deserving winless team is finishing in the B-10 runner-up spot.
Plus, pollsters were torn over who should get the final spot, Vanderbilt or Rice. Sure, Rice lost to Vanderbilt early in the season, but was that enough for the Owls to overcome their late, two-game win streak?
Either way, the inevitable calls for a Bottom Ten playoff are being issued but the usual malcontents.
Of course, we're paid to make the tough decisions here at the Bottom Ten! The envelopes please! And the Lysol, as the stench is particularly strong this year.
This year's final fiasco:
Presenting the 2009 Bottom Ten Medal Stand:
1. Western Kentucky (0-12; lost to Arkansas State 24-20)
Mitigating Factors: Hilltoppers rally from 20-10 fourth-quarter lead in finale to claim first ever Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6, symbolic of Bottom Ten supremacy, and extending the Nation's Longest Losing Streak to 20 games…Hilltoppers give game ball to quarterback, whose fumble with just under four minutes remaining was returned for go-ahead, title-clinching touchdown…Feel free to insert own QB-Fumbles-Game-Ball-Away joke here.
The Few, The Proud, The Winless: Western Kentucky becomes the third Sun Belt Conference team in four years to produce a winless conference season and the second in three years to win B-10 title.
2010 Outlook: With over 50 returning freshmen, battle tested with one winless season under their belts, the Hilltoppers should be primed for B-10 glory for many years to come.
2. Eastern Michigan (0-12; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Eagles, or maybe it's Bulldogs, fan(s) up in arms over B-10 runner-up finish despite also being lousy enough to go 0-12, renewing calls for B-10 playoff…Fans point to offense that scored eight or fewer points three (3) times and defense that gave up 40 or more points twice, 50 or more points twice and 60 or more points once.
Staying Power: 2009 was EMU's 13th straight losing season and their first winless campaign since treasured, iconic 1981 squad went 0-11.
2010 Outlook: Promising. Counting redshirt year, next year's seniors have won a total of eight (8) games, including seasons of zero (0) and one (1) win, laying solid B-10 foundation for underclassmen.
3. Washington State (1-11; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Cougars still scratching their heads wondering how they could have not led in regulation the entire season and still win a game…Still though, Cougars fans satisfied with medal stand finish following 2008's #7 finish…Cougars rank Dead Last in Total Defense (512.0 ypg), Next to Dead Last in Total Offense and Scoring Offense and rank 100th or worse in all but two (2) official NCAA stat categories.
Dry, Technical Matter: Cougars become first team in B-10 history to earn B-10 medal stand in a season where only win came to team that makes a bowl game and is quarterbacked by someone named Bo Levi.
2010 Outlook: Mixed. With three (3) wins the past two (2) seasons B-10 hopes should be high, but coach building from ground up has redshirted some talent, and Cougars, after obligatory high early ranking, might actually win a few games.
Presenting The Other Bottom Ten Laureates:
The Bottom Ten Tostitos Plaque Laureate:
4. New Mexico (1-11; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Traditionally teams win the Tostitos Plaque - issued to team with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win - by winning first couple of games before losing out, but Lobos break new B-10 ground in losing first ten (10) games, before winning penultimate game, rebounding to lose finale.
Consistency Counts: Lobos rank 114th in both Scoring Offense and Scoring Defense, getting outscored by an average of 35.92-16.33 every game.
2010 Outlook: Lobos usually aren't truly awful for very long and are enduring first consecutive losing seasons since 1999-2000 and might be in danger of falling out of survey next year.
The Bottom Ten Continental Cup Laureate:
5. Cheney College (0-11)
Mitigating Factors: D-II Wolves claim first B-10 honors in 2009, earning the Continental Cup - issued to the team with the longest all-division losing streak in North America - with 28 straight losses.
Family Affair: Wolves so bad they are even losing to individual families, with losses in 2009 to the Lincolns, the Gannon's and even Mr. C.W. Post.
2010 Outlook: It's never easy handicapping the lower divisions, but Cheyney ranked 140th or worse in Scoring Defense and Offense, plus Passing Offense, and since nobody who's any good wants to play there, look for the Continental Cup to stay in, well, wherever the hell they're located, probably back east somewhere, for a while.
The Bottom Ten Sgt. Bilko Trophy Laureate:
6. Army (5-6; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Season still not over for Cadets, who still have to face Navy, but Army has already earned Sgt. Bilko Trophy - symbolic of service academy lousiness - for second straight year…Black Knights of Confusion have won Sgt. Bilko Trophy - which is symbolic of service academy lousiness - every year this decade except for 2001 when Navy won it and 2007 when Notre Dame won it.
What The Hell's Going On Here? Expected benefit from federal law requiring opponents to weave way through mine field before entering end zone backfired when Army Corps of Engineers inadvertently constructed mine field in tunnel leading from Army locker room.
2010 Outlook: Army secretly plotting with VMI, Citadel to take over Bottom Ten next year.
The Bottom Ten Conference of the Year Laureate:
7. Mid-American Conference
Mitigating Factors: Breaks Sun Belt Conference stranglehold and takes B-10 Conference of the Year honors in closest voting ever…Both conferences finished 20 games under .500 in non-conference play…Both teams tied in the first tiebreaker, too, as both had winless, 0-12 teams, with MAC getting this years C of the Y award based on being bad enough to have a team (Miami, Ohio) with only one win.
What In The Hell Is Going On Here? Sun Belt Conference board of directors calling for investigation, as Conference had four teams ranking 100th or worse in Total Defense, compared to only two (2) for MAC.
2010 Outlook: Not good. B-10 pollsters have known penchant for Sun Belt Conference, and will be looking for any excuse to return them to prior Conference of the Year glory.
Presenting The Rest of the 2009 Bottom Ten:
8. North Texas (2-10; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: 2007 B-10 champion and 2008 medal stand laureates slip a bit in 2009 despite only wins coming against 2-10 Ball State and B-10 champion Western Kentucky…Expected strength of schedule points took nose dive after Ball State wins second game of year in 2009 finale.
Oh, What Might Have Been: UNT has come this close to potential B-10 immortality as three (3) of the Not So Mean Green's five (5) wins the past three (3) years have come against the Hilltoppers.
2010 Outlook: Strong. North Texas has been a B-10 perennial the entire second half of the Double Aughts. There is no reason to think they will start the second decade of the century off any better.
9. Miami, Ohio (1-10; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Another team wondering what might have been, as only horrifying Halloween victory over Akron prevented winless season and potential B-10 medal stand finish…Like all losers, rushing game key, as Miami ranked Next To Dead Last in Rushing Yards ( 70.08 ypg)…Ranking 117th in Scoring Offense (15.58 ppg), helped to, as offense got shutout twice and put seven (7) and six (6) points on the board once.
The Little Things: Redhawks do the little things in 2009, ranking Dead Last in non-glamour categories like Kickoff Returns, Turnover Margin and Sacks Allowed.
2010 Outlook: Hopes for next year high, as Miami has gone from six wins to two wins to one win in last three seasons.
10. Vanderbilt (2-10; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Controversy rages in B-10 community as Commodores earn final B-10 spot as Rice fans scream for B-10 playoff as Owls also finished 2-10 and lost on the field to Commodores in September…Commodores follow-up 2008's bowl appearance - their first since 1982 - with fairly standard two-win season, their fifth this decade and 26th season of two or fewer wins ever.
Doe, A Deer, A Female Deer: Decision to merge Athletic Department with Student Life Department a few years back still paying dividends for Commodores as, following 2-2 start, glee club tenor and quarterback switch roles, allowing Vanderbilt to lose final eight games and secure final B-10 ranking while glee club wins touch football intramurals.
2010: Never gone from the Bottom Ten for very long, there's no reason Commodores shouldn't be back in the thick of it next year.
This Week's Clash of the Service Academy Titans: Army at Navy
Stay Tuned: Your work isn't over as next week the Bottom Ten will present its annual ranking of this year's ten worst bowl games.
Stay Tuned II: And none of you will want to miss our rankings of the ten worst teams of the Double Aughts! Who will be the Bottom Ten Team of the Decade?!
Comments? Recipes? Complaints? Email the Writer's Shack here!
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