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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 14
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
It started in August, when 120 college football teams began practicing to see who had what it took to stumble to B-10 glory and win the Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6.
And it's come down to this: all that's left for Western Kentucky to fulfill its destiny and claim its first Bottom Ten title is to lose its final game this Thursday against Arkansas State.
This should be a routine enough assignment. Western Kentucky hasn't been atop the B-10 rankings for the past two months because they're in danger of winning out. But should the losers of 19 straight stumble and win, Eastern Michigan, already in the clubhouse with a perfect 0-12 mark, stands poised to take over the top spot.
This week's mess:
1. Western Kentucky (0-11; lost to Florida Atlantic 29-23)
Mitigating Factors: Hilltoppers retain vice-grip on top spot, extending Nation's Longest Losing Streak (NLLS) to 19 games…Showing heart that wins B-10 titles, Hilltoppers blow third quarter lead for second straight week…Defense continues to show way, ranking Dead Last in Passing Efficiency Defense - whatever that is - and Next To Dead Last in Scoring Defense (41.00 ppg) and 118th in both Total Defense (499.27 ypg) and Rushing Defense (257.91 ypg)
A Good Head Start: Hilltoppers first down offense key, mustering five (5) plays for negative yardage, one interception and two more plays that gain one (1) or two (2) yards.
Next Loss: Arkansas State (Dec. 3)
2. Eastern Michigan (0-12; lost to Akron 28-21)
Mitigating Factors: Eagles become first team to run the table in 2009, losing to Akron team that itself had lost eight of last nine… Eagles offense key, breaking open 14-14 game late in second quarter, allowing 62-yard interception return for touchdown…Eagles become first team in NCAA history to lose final game of winless season at something called Info-Cision Stadium-Summa Field.
The Defense Giveth, The Defense Taketh Away: Eagle defense ranks Dead Last in Rushing Defense (276.83 ypg), but opponents unable to pass - probably because they don't have to - as Eagles rank third in Pass Defense (150.08 ypg).
Next Loss: Season over
3. Washington State (1-11; lost to Washington 30-0)
Mitigating Factors: Cougars put exclamation point on triumphant 2009 B-10 campaign - and make big B-10 medal stand pitch - with first shutout loss of season…Cougars finish season with impressive nine game losing streak…Shutout not enough to wrangle Scoring Offense title away from New Mexico State, however, as Cougars finished a missed field goal short (12.00 ppg vs. 11.83 ppg)
Hey What About Us: Offense got all the glory, but defense wasn't any good either, ranking Dead Last in Total Defense (512.00 ypg) and 118th in Scoring Defense (38.5 ppg)
Next Loss: Season over
4. B-10 Perennials: Duke, Northwestern, Rice, Army, Buffalo
Mitigating Factors: Tough season for former Bottom Ten glory boys…Duke once controlled its destiny to the Orange Bowl but recovered to finish strong, losing last four…Rice teased B-10 pollsters with their 0-9 start, only to win two of last three…Buffalo won five games and Temple - Temple! - went 9-3!!!...B-10 Hall of Famers Northwestern completely lose their mind and go 8-4, the third time this century they've won at least eight (8) games.
Great White Hope: Army - already guaranteed the Sgt. Bilko Trophy, symbolic of service academy lousiness - can insure a sub-.500 finish with loss to Navy.
5. Rice (2-10; lost to Houston 73-14)
Mitigating Factors: Like a husband caught cheating on his wife, Owls try to make it up to B-10 pollsters who had penciled Rice in for B-10 title with blowout loss…Too little, too late, though as late two game win streak shatters B-10 title, medal stand dreams…Thanks to New Mexico, nine-game losing skid won't even qualify them for Tostitos Plaque, issued to team with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win.
Historical Context: B-10 historians 'pretty sure' Owls first team to be ranked twice in same B-10 college survey.
Next Loss: Season over
6. Miami, Ohio (1-11; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: 2009 a total team effort as defense gives up 40 or more points in four games, while offense gets shut out twice and puts up seven or fewer points on two other occasions...Rushing a sore spot, as offense ranks Next To Dead last in Rushing Offense (70.08 ypg) and 101st in Rushing Defense (186.92 ypg)
Oh Yeah: Redhawks a statistical juggernaut, with offense ranking 117th in Scoring Offense (15.58 ppg) and 108th in Scoring Defense (34.17 ppg).
Next Loss: Season over
7. North Texas (2-10; lost to Arkansas St. 30-26)
Mitigating Factors: Not So Mean Green tries to impress pollsters by sprinting to 27-0 deficit, then outscoring opponent 26-3 to suffer inspiring loss not decided till final minute…UNT offense able to overcome three interceptions by defense by only converting two of them into touchdowns.
The Big Push: With two (2) wins, Not So Mean Green pinning medal stand hopes on strength of schedule points for beating winless Western Kentucky and 2-win Ball State and having losing streaks of six (6) and four (4) games in 2009.
Next Loss: Season over
8. Colorado State (3-9; lost to Wyoming 17-16)
Mitigating Factors: B-10 office staff rummaging through attic for trophy/cup/plaque to award Rams for longest losing streak in a season that started with three straight wins….Rams show season ending nine-game skid no fluke, blowing no less than three (3) leads in loss to Cowboys.
Numbers Racket: Rams not playing numbers game, refusing to be ranked worse than 100th in any major NCAA stat category.
Next Loss: Season over
9. College of Cardinals: Notre Dame, Anna Maria College (6-15; ND: lost to Stanford 45-38; AM: DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Entry finishes season with impressive combined 13-game losing skid…Pollsters searching bylaws to see if entry qualifies for Tostitos Plaque - issued to team with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win…Precedent for Irish winning honors reserved for others came in 2007 when Irish were awarded Sgt. Bilko Trophy - symbolic of service academy lousiness - after losing to Navy and Army in same season.
Touchdown Jesus Full Of Grace: Former Irish coach Charlie Weiss - able to see the writing on the stained glass window - seen kneeling in prayer in preperation for firing, excommunication and damnation to hell for all eternity as Holy Spirit coordinates with Satan to prepare Weiss's new home on fifth ring, concierge level of Hell
Next Losses: Seasons over
10. NCAA Playoffs
Mitigating Factors: Small college football fans continue to be forced to endure dull, tedious playoffs in divisions I-AA, II and III…D-III particularly boring fans as teams that have met in last four (4) title games on collision course to meet in fifth straight title game…Snoozefest D-II opening round game between West Liberty and Edinboro produces a mere 147 points, 1,170 passing yards.
FunFact: With the Army/Navy scheduled for Dec. 12, the college football regular season will last 16 weeks this year, just one (1) week less than the NFL season.
FunFact II: A 16-team I-A playoff that begins on Dec. 5 could have the championship game played on New Year's Day.
This Week's Clash of the Titans/All The Marbles: Arkansas State at Western Kentucky
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