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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 8
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Though there are still a lot of false starts and clutch turnovers to go, Bottom Ten pollsters have conferred Most Favored Loser status on the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers, holders of the Nation's Longest Losing Streak (NLLS). This controversial move, which has sent shockwaves through the B-10/homeless community, means the Hilltoppers are but guaranteed the Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6 if they lose the rest of their games and B-10 pollsters aren't offered too many bribes.
There's no shortage of lousy teams - like Rice and most of the Mid-American Conference - standing by should the Hilltoppers stumble of course, as teams continue to jockey for B-10 medal stand positions and the race for the Tostitos Plaque - issued to the team with the longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win - starts to take shape.
This week's mess:
1. Western Kentucky (0-6; lost to UL-Lafayette 30-22)
Mitigating Factors: Rested following bye week, Hilltoppers return to B-10 top spot, extending NLLS to 14 games…Hilltoppers rebound from early 7-0 lead as defense gives up 20 unanswered points and offense chips in with punt, interception, fumble on next three possessions.
Light At The End Of The Tunnel: It's still early yet, and the rest of the treacherous Sun Belt Conference schedule remains, but with four of last six on the road and defense that ranks no better than 117th in any significant NCAA stat category, Hilltoppers authorized B-10 ombudsman to start clearing shelf space for Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6.
Next Loss: at Middle Tennessee State
2. Rice (0-7; lost to East Carolina 49-13)
Mitigating Factors: Defense showing the way to B-10 medal stand, as Owls only I-A team giving up more than 40 points a game (45.0 ppg)…Owls safely out of this one at half, trailing 28-10, thought Owls ruffle a few feathers with long third quarter drive, but after settling for field goal, an interception on the next drive leads to loss-sealing touchdown.
Knowledge Base: Owls get bonus points for being only B-10 team to know East Carolina isn't really a state.
Next Loss: Central Florida
3. Mid-American Conference
Mitigating Factors: Six I-A teams 1) are winless, and 2) have losing streaks of at least six (6) games…Three of them are from the MAC: Miami, Ohio (0-7); Ball State (0-7) and Eastern Michigan (0-6)…This week's showdown between Ball State and E. Michigan key as neither team plays Miami this season…Conference so weak Eastern Michigan's six game skid is only good for third-worst in conference, behind Ball State's nine-gamer and Miami's second-best in NCAA 12 game skid.
Ancient History: Sun Belt Conference officials privately fuming as previous B-10 standard bearer for conference ineptitude can muster only one school, Western Kentucky, who is winless.
4. North Texas (1-5; lost to Florida Atlantic 44-40)
Mitigating Factors: Not So Mean Green shows heart that won them 2007 B-10 title, overcoming 13-0 first quarter lead by getting outscored 30-6 in second quarter…UNT not only doing it with big-play defense that ranks 113th in Scoring Defense (35.50 ppg), but with little things, ranking Next To Dead Last in Punt Returns (- 4 inches per return) and 117th in Turnover Margin (-1.67 tpg)
Strong Finishing Kick: After appearing in four 94) straight bowl games from 2001-04 inclusive, UNT has lost 44 of 53 in second half of Double Aughts.
Next Loss: at Troy
5. Indiana State (0-7; lost to Illinois State 38-21)
Mitigating Factors: I-AA Sycamores return from bye week and reclaim Continental Cup - issued to team with longest all-division losing streak in North America - with 33rd straight loss…Game not as close as scores indicated, as Sycamore defense gets off to fast start, allowing scores on six of first seven Redbird possessions, while offense musters lone TD's in each of last three quarters.
Don't Worry, Be Happy: Sycamores getting extra happy faces on playbooks for putting up season-best numbers in rushing, passing and total yards and not ranking Dead Last or Next To Dead Last in any major NCAA state category.
Next Loss: Western Illinois
6. Nevada - Loss Vegas (2-5; lost to Utah 35-15)
Mitigating Factors: Rebels winding down Mike Sanford era with third straight loss of 20 or more points…Rebels achieve goal of never letting Utah think they're out of it, putting game away by giving up 21 points in second quarter…Offense does its part, too, electrifying crowd with three punts, two field goals and two interceptions in first half.
Light At The End Of The Tunnel: With two wins, Rebels have to lose out to have shot at Tostitos Plaque, issued to team(s) with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win.
Next Loss: at New Mexico
7. Florida Atlantic International Airport: Florida Atlantic, Florida International (FAU: defeated North Texas 44-40; FIU: lost to Troy Donahue State 42-33)
Mitigating Factors: Owls title hopes stumble in key loss to North Texas win weekly Sun Belt Conference showdown game…FIU loss total team effort, as offense musters just 38 yards rushing while defense gives up man-sized 565 total yards to drop from 117th to Dead Last in Total Defense (499.83 ypg)
Breakdown Segment: With games against Western Kentucky, Army and FIU remaining - none of them gimmies - FAU's must lose out to have any hope of winning B-10 title.
Next Losses: FAU: at UL-Lafayette; FIU: at Arkansas St.
8. New Mexico (0-6; DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Lobos didn't play, and with B-10 pollsters having already used up "ranked based on lousy week of practice" allotment for season, Lobos ranked out of habit, obscure B-10 bylaw dictating that all teams with nation's third-best ten-game losing streaks be ranked…Entire offense averaging 96 rushing yards a game, just two inches more than Mountain West Conference's leading individual rusher.
Total Team Effort: Lobos special teams doing its part, unable even to return kickoffs, ranking 118th in Kickoff Returns (16.13 ypr)
Next Loss: Nevada Loss Vegas
9. College of Cardinals: Notre Dame, Anna Maria (4-9; ND: lost to USC 34-27; Anna Maria: lost to Castleton State 24-21)
Mitigating Factors: 2007 B-10 darlings back following clutch, heroic loss to evil Methodists…All Irish victories in 2009 have come against teams that were so good they were either in the middle of - or starting - losing streaks when facing Irish…B-10 pollsters break vows prohibiting ranking of first year teams to send welcoming fruit basket to D-III Anna Maria Wildcats, off to an 0-7 start in first ever football season.
In Excelcis Deo: Anna Maria, originally scheduled to play in NCAA tennis regionals, rank Dead Last in hemisphere, giving up 53.67 points per game.
Next Losses: Notre Dame: Boston College; Anna Maria: at Norwich
10. Army (3-4; lost to Temple 27-13)
Mitigating Factors: Patriotic B-10 pollsters refuse to give up on perennial Cadets, who are bolstered by Strength of Schedule bonus points, with three wins coming against two winless teams (Ball State and Eastern Michigan) plus a former B-10 perennial (Vanderbilt)…With losable game to Rutgers coming up, Cadets trying not to look ahead to Nov. 7 showdown with Air Force, expected to be for Sgt. Bilko Trophy, symbolic of service academy lousiness...Army Secretary looking to pass emergency legislation requiring opposing teams to submit to halftime waterboarding treatments.
Strong Finishing Kick II: Black Knights of Confusion, who have had in-season losing streaks of at least four (4) games every season since 2002, still looking to break off long skid that would solidify place in final B-10 standings.
Next Loss: Rutgers
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Ball State at Eastern Michigan
Internecine Squabble of the Week/Shootout at the Sistine Chapel: Boston College at Notre Dame
Shootout at the Loser Corral: Nevada - Loss Vegas at New Mexico
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