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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 1
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Bottom Ten pollsters, always pessimistic sorts, are even more depressed about the prospects for the worst of the NFL than normal because they realize there is no way any team could ever top last season's Detroit Lions historic 0-16 blitzkrieg to the Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of professional Bottom Ten excellence.
But if the teams can put up with another season of missed blocks, fumbles and squandered opportunities, so can your B-10 pollsters. They ask only to serve. And to take a drink from time to time.
The opening week poll, as the nags limber up before heading to the starting gate. Last year's record and final B-10 finish are in parenthesis:
1. Detroit (0-16; 1st) - 2009 Lions can't rest on laurels if they expect to repeat as B-10 champions, but with a 40-104 record in Double Aughts you don't really expect them to…2008 was actually second time Lions went winless for an entire NFL season, joining 1942's 0-11 team.
2. Seattle (4-12; 5th) - Seahawks looking to go from division championship (2007) to B-10 Top 5 finish (2008) to B-10 medal stand.
3. St. Louis (2-14; 2nd) - Even with obligatory coaching change and roster bloodletting, Rams still team to beat in race for last place, even in the lousy NFC West…Rams ranked Next-To-Dead-Last in both Points Allowed (29.1 ppg) and Points Scored (14.5 ppg).
4. Cleveland (4-12; 4th) - Browns looking to capitalize on momentum from consecutive shutout losses to end 2008…Have not scored an offensive touchdown since before Thanksgiving and have not had consecutive winning seasons since rejoining NFL in 1999.
5. Minnesota (10-6; NR) - Any team desperate enough to sign an aging Brett Favre deserves a preseason Bottom Ten mention…Dissension factor alone could propel Vikings to Top 5 finish!.
6. NFC West (22-42; 9th) - Earned Ray Malavasi Pin in 2008, given to NFC's worst division...Last place team in NFC South would've finished second in this division in 2008!
7. Arizona Cardinals (9-7; NR) - Followed up playoff win after 1998 season with a 6-10 record in 1999…They're the Cardinals, 201 games under historical .500 for Pete's sake, and there is no reason to think they will be any good this year, despite going to, and, of course, losing, the Super Bowl last season.
8. Oakland Raiders (5-11; 10th) - Since losing Super Bowl XXXVII Raiders have gone 24-72, the fewest games ever won by a team in the six seasons following a Super Bowl appearance, and they have not won more than five games in any of those seasons…There is no reason to think this bizarre assemblage of alleged 'talent' will do any better.
9. Baseball Steroids - From A-Rod to Manny to that fat guy in Boston, who cares???...The Writer's Shack reiterates its policy that professional athletes should be allowed to put whatever they want into their bodies…If you don't approve of steroids, don't take them.
10. NFL Bottom Ten Awards - Between Dan Henning Trophy, Jim Hanifan Medallion, Marv Levy Cup, Ray Malavasi Pin, The Marty Schottenheimer Belt Buckle and the Pete Rozelle Cup (not awarded in 2008), B-10 pollsters feel like members of the Academy in early spring!
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