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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 16
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
It doesn't happen often, but Bottom Ten pollsters are running out of clichés to use regarding the Detroit Lions' quest for 0-16 immortality. We've used the one about making a mockery of the Bottom Ten race and how that really isn't all that hard to do, and we've also used the one about how the Dan Henning Trophy is Detroit's to lose - literally, both of which are yearly Bottom Ten staples.
Now, we're still able to trot a pretty good line this week out about how if the Lions had any sort of rushing game they'd be running away with the race for the Dan Henning Trophy, but we're not making any guarantees about next week.
This week's mess, as the nags are charging down the stretch!
1. Detroit (0-13; lost to Minnesota 20-16)
Mitigating Factors: Lions get smiley faces for leading at half for fourth time in 2008, but usual locker room miscommunication leads to offense turning game over to defense, defense turning game over to offense, and entire team turning game over to Vikings…Ground game key to Detroit title run, as Lions defense ranks Dead Last in NFL allowing 173.3 yards per game, and offense ranks 30th, gaining just 78.2 yards per game…Lions become fourth NFL team to start season 0-13.
Some Bullpen Help Would Be Nice: Lions have blown halftime leads of 6-3 and 3-2 this season.
Next Loss: at Indianapolis
2. Cincinnati (1-11-1; lost at Indianapolis 35-3)
Mitigating Factors: Bengals not even bothering anymore in effort to woo B-10 pollsters and catch Detroit, rolling over for third straight loss…Bengals throw more touchdown passes to Colts (1) than to own receivers (0)…B-10 staff "pretty sure" Bengals first team in NFL history to start season 1-11-1.
Screw It: After going three (3) weeks without a loss (win, bye week, tie) Bengals have scored 16 points in the last three games.
Next Loss: Washington
3. St. Louis (2-11; lost at Arizona 34-10)
Mitigating Factors: Rams gracious guests, allowing usually lousy Cardinals to clinch first division title in 33 years, giving Cardinal defense a fumble and an interception to return for touchdown with their compliments…Cardinals put up modest, token fight in second quarter, closing to within 14-7, but then proceed to sleepwalk until fourth quarter field goal makes it 27-10…Seven game losing streak second best in NFL.
Clutch Time: Rams have drives of 52, 46, 45 and 77 yards end in missed field goal, fumble, interception and turning the ball over on downs.
Next Loss: Seattle
4. Kansas City (2-11; lost at Denver 24-17)
Mitigating Factors: Chiefs rebound from last week's disastrous win with clutch, divisional road loss, the type of loss required for B-10 medal stand consideration…Chiefs plan to tire Bronco offense out by keeping them on the field for over 20 minutes in second half generally deemed a failure.
Clutch Time II: Chiefs preserve win when their final offensive play ends at Bronco one-yard line.
Next Loss: San Diego
5. Seattle (2-11; lost to New England 24-21)
Mitigating Factors: Seahawks make case for B-10 medal stand by losing despite out-rushing Patriots, going a respectable 7-12 on third down conversions and gaining over six yards a play…Lone turnover key, as lost fumble late in fourth quarter allows Patriots to run out the clock.
FunFact: Seahawks become first team this year to lose game by getting outscored 11-0 in fourth quarter.
Next Loss: at St. Louis
Caught In The Lint Trap:
6. Oakland (3-10) - Raiders manage just nine first downs and 163 total yards in latest uninspired fiasco…Oakland playing some of the worst football around, but three wins just not bad enough in 2008!
7. AFC West (18-34) - Marv Levy Broach awardees - symbolic of worst division in AFC - for second straight week, is 8-18 on road, 5-14 vs. non-divisional AFC teams…First place team has given up second-most points in AFC!
8. NFC West (17-35) - This week's Ray Malavasi Pin winners - given to NFC's worst division - has forty percent of NFL teams with at least 11 losses!
9. Pete Rozelle Cup - Venerable, treasured award given to NFL's worst division temporarily shelved for conference awards as NFL serving up more divisional slop than chuck wagon on a cattle drive!
10. Cleveland (4-9) - Offense hitting skids in campaign for Top 5 finish,, averaging only seven points a game during current three game losing streak!
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Seattle at St. Louis - Late season showdown between two 11-loss teams would normally have B-10 pollsters maintaining states of arousal, but loser may not even make B-10 medal stand in competitive 2008!
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: San Diego at Kansas City
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