| | Home
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 10
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Like last year, a classic battle for the Dan Henning Trophy is developing between the last two unvictoried teams in the NFL. And two more divergent teams would be harder to find! On the one hand, Cincinnati isn't even bothering, playing as they'd get the plague if they entered the end zone. The Bengals haven't lost a game by less than six points since week three.
The Lions, on the other hand, are showing their Bottom Ten mettle by losing the close ones - the test of a true Bottom Ten champion - and if both teams continue like this B-10 pollsters will certainly have their hands full, as Dan Henning Trophy by-laws prohibit a tie for the top spot, and, unfortunately, the Bengals and Lions don't meet during the regular season.
This week's mess, as the nags head up the backstretch:
1. Cincinnati (0-8; lost at Houston 35-6)
Mitigating Factors: Bengals match two Houston first half touchdowns with two field goals, realize this isn't the key to victory, mail in rest of game…Defense makes Houston QB Matt Schaub look like Johnny Unitas, allowing 24 completion in 28 attempts for 280 yards…Bengals rank Dead Last in NFL, scoring 13.0 points per game and gaining just 229 yards per game.
History In The Crosshairs: Bengals 0-8 for first time since 1994 and fourth time in history…All-time best 0-10 mark, first achieved in 1993, now bright light at the end of tunnel.
Next Loss: Jacksonville
2. Detroit (0-7; lost to Washington 25-17)
Mitigating Factors: Lions 'defense' makes something named Jason Campbell look like Matt Schaub, giving up 23 completions in 28 attempts for 328 yards and a touchdown…Defense will be key for Lions in historic race vs. Bengals, ranking Dead Last in NFL, allowing 30.3 points per game and allowing 421.6 yards per game.
Closer, But No Cigar: After losing first four games by and average of 19.5 points, Lions impressing B-10 pollsters by losing the close ones, as last three losses have been by a combined 17 points.
Next Loss: at Chicago
3. Kansas City (1-6; lost at NY Jets 28-24)
Mitigating Factors: Chiefs get smiley faces on playbooks for trying really, really hard to win, leading 14-7 at 21-17 at times…The Chief's defense, however giveth, and th Chief's defense taketh away in fourth quarter, returning interception for touchdown, allowing go-ahead touchdown with one minute remaining...Hoping either Bengals and/or Lions remain winless, so team can be in contention for John McKay Cup, issued to worst team in NFL that actually wins a game. (Note: awarded only in seasons where a team goes winless!)
Get Your Touchdowns Right Here! Chiefs have allowed opponents to score in 25 of 28 quarters this year.
Next Loss: Tampa Bay
4. Oakland (2-5; lost to Baltimore 29-10)
Mitigating Factors: After curious win against NY Jets, Oakland triumphantly returns to loss column by giving up points every way possible: safety, touchdown, field goal, point after touchdown…Offense says screw it, mustering only ten first downs, 47 yards rushing, as offense spends less than 24 minutes on the field…Current streak of five straight losing seasons - soon to be six - longest such stretch in once-proud franchise's history.
Commitment To Excellence: Raiders have not had a winning record after seven games since 2002 when they were 4-3.
Next Loss: Atlanta
5. St. Louis (2-5; lost at New England 23-16)
Mitigating Factors: Like last season, Rams stemming tide following two-game winning streak…Rams show early interest in this one, scoring on first two possessions, then return to B-10 form by scoring on only two possessions the rest of the game.
Yawn: Exciting game features six (6) field goals.
Next Loss: Arizona
Caught In The Lint Trap:
6. NFC West - Currently topped by B-10 perennial Arizona at 4-3, rest of division is 2-5, except for San Francisco, who's 2-6…Current holders of Pete Rozelle Shillelagh, symbolic NFL's worst division, overtaking NFC North.
7. World Series Umpires - With umpires calling whatever they goddamn well please, this has the potential to be the worst officiated major sporting event ever.
8. Cleveland (3-4) - Browns have won three of four against teams that are a combined 9-13.
9. San Diego (3-5) - Chargers have not won outside of California yet this year, having lost in four of the several states, three of its time zones and two countries whose governments are bailing out private banks!
10. San Francisco - Probably should have hired new coach Mike Singletary to play defense, as 49ers allow Leonard Weaver, a svelte 242-pound fullback, to catch touchdown passes of 62 and 43 yards.
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Arizona at St. Louis
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Whoever Cincinnati is playing.
Comments? Recipes? Complaints? Email the Writer's Shack here!
Home |
|
