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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 5
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
It's not often the previous week's #1 is dethroned after losing handily, but the Kansas City Chiefs are simply too awful to keep out of the top spot, which is saying something because they aren't exactly taking playoff ticket deposits in St. Louis, either.
And as the Chiefs move into the top spot the season within the season - the race for the Jim Brown Ribbon, given to the last B-10 team to score a rushing touchdown in a season - heats up, as there are still three teams that have yet to run the ball into the end zone
This week's mess, as they head into the clubhouse turn:
1. Kansas City (0-3; lost to Atlanta 38-14)
Mitigating Factors: Chiefs lose 12th straight as defense sets tone as Chiefs fall behind 24-0...Offense chips in three interceptions resulting in 17 Falcons points, while bothering to score just 14 points for their own team...Defense ranks Next to Dead Last in NFL, allowing 204.0 yards rushing a game.
Commitment To Boredom: Chiefs first five drives result in punts and none last more than three plays…Five drives net six (6) total yards.
Next Loss: Denver
2. St. Louis (0-3; lost to Seattle 37-13)
Mitigating Factors: Rams never in this one either, continuing to show how important ground game is to NFL success, rushing for 65 yards while giving up a whopping 245 rushing yards…Rams rank Dead Last in NFL, with 456.7 yards allowed per game, 116 points allowed and 56.3 rushing yards gained per game…They also rank Next To Dead Last with 202.3 rushing yards allowed per game and 29 points scored.
FunFact: Rams getting outscored by an average of 38.7-9.7 and have given up points in eleven of the twelve quarters they've played, while scoring in only five.
Next Loss: Buffalo
3. Detroit (0-3; lost to San Francisco 31-13)
Mitigating Factors: Lions well on their way to eighth straight losing season, not even bothering against 49er team that itself will probably contend for B-10 medal stand… Lions rank Dead Last in NFL allowing 207.7 rushing yards per game.
FunFact: In his bio on Lions website, President Matt Millen is quoted as saying "The team that wins the Super Bowl is a success and the other 31 teams are not."…Based on this criterion the Lions have never had a successful season...Spoiled, rich son of Lions owner gives Millen vote of confidence by saying Millen should leave team.
Next Loss: Chicago (10/5)
4. Cleveland (0-3; lost to Baltimore 28-10)
Mitigating Factors: Browns explode to 10-7 halftime lead, before offense takes command, with interceptions on first two second-half possessions accounting for two Baltimore touchdowns…Browns offense musters only 73 yards rushing and 96 yards passing…
A Good Start: Browns 0-3 for second time in three years…They were 1-2 to start 2007.
Next Loss: at Cincinnati
5. Cincinnati (0-3; lost at NY Giants 26-23, OT)
Mitigating Factors: Bengals maintain place in Top 5 with clutch, overtime, road loss to defending Super Bowl champions…Never-say-win Bengals blow four (4) leads and dodge big bullet when they somehow manage to kick a last-second field goal to send game to overtime.
FunFact: There is nothing fun about the 2008 Cincinnati Bengals
Next Loss: Cleveland
Caught in the Lint Trap:
6. New England (2-1) - Tom Brady's knee injury responsible for defense giving up 461 yards, five touchdowns and five drives of 70 or more yards to team that won one (1) game in 2007.
7. San Diego/NY Jets loser - Game starts after sacrosanct B-10 deadline, so insert own Bret Favre is too old or Chargers still don't have a rushing touchdown joke here.
8. Chicago Cubs - Unable to blow NL Central lead in Cub-like fashion, Cubs instead win second straight NL Central title…We certainly don't want to jinx the Cubs, but they certainly appear to be capable of winning their first World Series in 100 years.
9. Houston (0-2) - Only special, one-time hurricane dispensation, Cincinnati Bengals, prevent Texans from making Top 5 as three Texan drives starting in Tennessee territory produce three points, two interceptions.
10. Houston Texans Helmet - Still looks like a mad cow-ridden disaster.
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Cleveland at Cincinnati - All eyes on Cincinnati for first meeting of year between tw0 B-10 Top 5 teams!
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Buffalo at St. Louis
Strategies of the Great Coaches Series: Detroit head coach Rob Marinelli, whose team is 0-3: "Hopefully we'll see the corrections - and there are a lot of them to make - …then we come back and get ready to move on to game four."
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