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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 4
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
B-10 pollsters have been at this too long - some say way too long - to get too worked up after two games, but even the most cynical of us are going completely ga-ga over this year's crop of NFL losers.
St. Louis is giving away yards like their opponents have the plague, defending champion Miami can't be bothered to show up for the first half, Cincinnati has permanent B-10 reservations, Detroit must be under the impression they get points when the other team catches their passes and runs them into the end zone, and none of these losers have lost as many consecutive games as Kansas City!
This week's mess, as the race for the Dan Henning Trophy approach the clubhouse turn:
1. St. Louis (0-2; lost to NY Giants 41-13)
Mitigating Factors: Rams take over top spot based on strong second half where defense gives up three touchdowns and the offense gives up one…Rams tied for Dead Last in NFL, averaging 8 (eight) points per game and giving up 481.5 yards per game and - along with Cleveland - are the only NFL teams with one (1) touchdown.
Ground Game: Rams give one-game clinic on The Importance of the Ground Game In Football, giving up 200 rushing yards, while themselves gaining just 68 yards on the ground.
Next Loss: at Seattle
2. Cincinnati (0-2; lost to Tennessee 24-7)
Mitigating Factors: Bengals get off to slow start, trailing only 14-7 at halftime, but rebound for scoreless, turnover-filled second half where their longest drive went for 18 yards…Bengals offense showing way to B-10 medal stand, ranking Dead Last in NFL averaging 3.5 yards per play, 9.5 first downs per game and Next To Dead Last with 184.5 yards per game.
Dry, Technical Matter: Dull, boring game features 13 punts, 12 drives of less than 20 yards.
Next Loss: at New York Giants
3. Kansas City (0-2; lost to Oakland 23-8)
Mitigating Factors: Good news: Chiefs allow just 55 yards passing…Bad news: The Raiders didn't need to pass because they got 300 yards rushing…Chiefs fail to knock opposing quarterback out for season for first time this season.
Tough Crowd: Showing how tough 2008 B-10 will be, Chiefs have lost eleven straight and still have to settle for show money in Week 4.
Next Loss: at Atlanta
4. Miami (0-2; lost at Arizona 31-10)
Mitigating Factors: Again displaying the type of slow start that contends for B-10 titles, defending champion Dolphins never in this one either, trailing 17-0 at halftime and 24-3 before showing cursory, late interest…Average first half drive for Miami lasts 4.8 plays, just over two-and-a-half minutes…Dolphins have lost eleven straight road games.
FunFact: Dolphins have scored in just four of the eight quarters they played in 2008, and have yet to score more than seven points in the quarters they have bothered to score in.
Next Loss: at New England
5. Detroit (0-2; lost to Green Bay 48-25)
Mitigating Factors: Lions burst into B-10 with spectacular game two effort, showing character that wins B-10 titles by overcoming 21-0 deficit to lead 25-24, only get outscored 24-0 in last 5:17.
The Worst Offense Is A Bad Offense: Lions offense key, rushing for just 49 yards, throwing three interceptions, two of which were returned for touchdowns.
Next Loss: at San Francisco
Caught In The Lint Trap:
6. NFL Officiating - Ed Hochuli calls fumble an incomplete pass, costing Chargers possession and probably the game…They're only the Chargers, and had it not been that Norv Turner would have found some other way to blow the game, but still.
7. UTEP (0-2) - No room in NCAA Bottom Ten for Miners, whose eight-game losing streak is second in FBS…Pollsters manfully resist urge to steal old Steve Harvey 'Texas at El Intercepted Paso' line.
8. Cleveland (0-2) - Total team effort in last loss: ten penalties, two interceptions, and 55 yards rushing!
9. Oakland (1-1) - Two games against Chiefs may be only games they win!
10. Chicago Cubs - Can't even properly blow NL Central lead, despite stretch where they loss eight of eleven…Are now 7 ½ games up, a lead even they may not be able to lose.
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