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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 3
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Yawns all around as 2008 started out just like 2007 did, with both defending champion Miami and St. Louis throwing down the gauntlet and losing their openers.
It's a long season though, and the race for the Dan Henning Trophy promises to be a long, topsy-turvy affair, with Kansas City and San Francisco all promising to make a race of it, probably by next week.
This week's shenanigans, as the teams pass the grandstand for the first time:
1. St. Louis (0-1; lost at Philadelphia 38-3)
Mitigating Factors: Rams show type of dominance that wins B-10 titles, as offense punts on first ten possessions and defense allows 28 first downs and 522 yards…Punter Donnie Johnson is Rams best player, punting ten times and averaging .221 furlongs per kick.
This Can't Be Good: Rams earn 66 yards in penalties, 36 yards rushing, for NFL-leading 1.83-to-1 Penalty Yards To Rushing Yards ratio.
Next Loss: New York Giants
2. Miami (0-1; lost to NY Jets 20-14)
Mitigating Factors: Dolphins pull out clutch loss, mitigating key fourth-quarter touchdown with interception in end zone with five (5) seconds left…Interception thrown by Dolphins Chad Pennington spoils debut of much-heralded new Dolphins quarterback Chad Pennington.
God, We Suck: While Dolphins catastrophic Week 15 win last year means they have only lost a relatively modest two straight, they have lost impressive 20 of last 22, dating back to Week 12 of 2006.
Next Loss: at Arizona
3. Kansas City (0-1; lost at New England 17-10)
Mitigating Factors: Chiefs accomplish goal of knocking Patriots quarterback Tom Brady out of game in first quarter, then can't stop backup QB who hasn't played in anything other than garbage time since high school…Chiefs ability to turn two Patriot turnovers into punts could be key during long B-10 season.
Scoreboard, Bay-bee: Chiefs current holder of John McKay Cup, issued to team with longest current NFL losing streak (10 games).
Next Loss: Oakland
4. Cincinnati (0-1; lost at Baltimore 17-10)
Mitigating Factors: Quick start key for Bengirls, who have five punts, an interception and a fumble before mustering a field goal in their final first half possession…Bengirls offense explodes for eight first downs and 154 total yards.
Commitment To Boredom: Eight Bengirls drives last three plays.
Next Loss: Tennessee
5. San Francisco (0-1; lost to Arizona 23-13)
Mitigating Factors: Showing offensive prowess that spells long term B-10 success, 49ers manage just 13 first downs, while turning the ball over five times…44 offensive plays second fewest total in NFL in week 1.
Strategies Of The Great Coaches Series: Defensive strategy of tiring Cardinals offense out by keeping them on the field for 37 minutes generally considered to be a failure.
Next Loss: at Seattle
Caught in the Lint Trap:
6. Chicago Cubs (0-100) - 2008 collapse starting right on schedule, so as not spoil centennial celebration of last Cubs World Series title!
7. Matt Cassel - Patriots future depends on quarterback who has thrown just 90 collegiate and professional passes.
8. Monday Night Football Doubleheader - Second game now showcase for game NFL doesn't want anybody to see (See 2007 San Francisco vs. Arizona)…2008 game features two juggernauts (Oakland, Denver) who exploded for eleven (11) wins in 2007...Convenient 10pm EDT start ensures no one will see game anyway.
9. Cleveland (0-1) - Browns dominating on both sides of the ball vs. Cowboys (205 total yards and 11 first downs vs. 487 total yards, 30 first downs for Dallas) could spell B-10 medal stand!
10. Seattle (0-1) - Seahawks blow game open in third quarter, allowing touchdown on fake goal, strategically fumble the ensuing kickoff and allowing touchdown pass on next play, all in 21 seconds.
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Miami at Arizona
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: New York Giants at St. Louis
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