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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 1
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
  
Bottom Ten pollsters seldom agree on which way the wind's blowing, much less on the Bottom Ten, but everyone here is in agreement that it will take a lot to top 2007.
First, the nation's longest losing streak was broken not once, but twice, as both Duke and Florida International blew chances to earn the Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6, symbolic of Bottom Ten excellence. Then, in a once in a lifetime occurrence, B-10 fans were blessed with a Notre Dame Bottom Ten run!
While Duke remains the sentimental favorite, a cupcake early schedule could mean a couple of wins, and B-10 fans should expect the unexpected!
The opening week fiasco:
1. Duke (2007: 1-10)
Mitigating Factors: Perennial B-10 powder puffs still reeling from one-win season where 22-game losing streak was snapped…Current nine-game losing streak second-best in country…Leading rusher exploded for 432 yards and two (2) touchdowns in 2007…Duke has lost 49 of their last 55 games, and they still own nation's longest conference (25) and home (16) losing streaks.
What Might Have Been: Had Duke not beaten Northwestern last year, their Sept. 6 game against - get this - Northwestern - would have been to tie - get this - Northwestern's all-time Division I-A losing streak record of 34 games.
Opening Loss: James Madison
2. Florida International (1-11)
Mitigating Factors: With first B-10 title there for the taking, Golden Panthers choke and win last game, breaking nation's-best 23-game losing streak and becoming just another 1-11 team with problems…Despite heartbreaking win, Golden Panthers still issued Tostitos Plaque, given to team with longest in-season losing streak that manages to include a win.
Happy Faces On The Playbook: FIU did manage to score in double figures in their last seven (7) games.
Opening Loss: at Kansas
3. Toronto (0-8)
Mitigating Factors: NAFTA-mandated Canadian entry, Varsity Blues current holders of Continental Cup, with North American-best 49-game losing streak…Toronto is 1-63 this century, with seven winless seasons…Last win came on 10/13/02, a 13-11 thrashing of Windsor…Has gone winless in pretty much every other season in Double Aughts.
Numbers Game: Still needs to lose 121 games to get back to historical .500 (513-392-35). Or 129 games (517-388-34). It depends on who you ask. Nobody is entirely sure. Communique's to sports information office not yet answered.
Opening Loss: Windsor (9/1)
4. Sun Belt Conference
Mitigating Factors: B-10 perennial went NCAA-worst 7-29 in non-conference play in 2007…Highlights included North Texas' 74-62 loss to Navy, Louisiana-Lafayette's 38-17 loss to I-AA McNeese State and three-fourths of conference giving up more than 400 yards a game…Rebounded for strong .500 mark in conference play…Conferences automatic berth to Pop Warner playoffs rescinded by Pop Warner playoff committee.
Get Out Your History Books: Sometime this season, probably this weekend, conference will lose 200th non-conference game this century…Currently 33-196 non-conference since taking up I-A football in 2001.
5. BCS
Mitigating Factors: Current post-season fiasco continues to make better case for I-A playoff than even hack Internet columnists can… BCS has twice sent teams not good enough to win their conference championship to the national title game and once forgot to send the #1 team in both polls to title game.
Numbers Game: What's surprising is how little money, relatively speaking, schools make from the BCS. It's about $1.7 million per school, give or take, a small part of the $50 million-plus budgets of most I-A football programs.
6. NCAA
Mitigating Factors: Completely ruining one of this country's great institutions…Despite success at lower levels, sheer greed prohibits them from considering I-A playoff…Sheer greed also leads NCAA to approve two more bowl games for a total of 34.
Sure, We Need Two More Bowl Games: Maryland, Colorado and UCLA lost their bowl games and finished 6-7…Cal won the tradition-laden Armed Forces Bowl, broke its three-game losing streak and still lost six of their last nine.
7. Department of Homeland Security (Army, 3-9; VMI 2-9)
Mitigating Factors: Defending Sgt. Bilko Trophy winners - symbolic of service academy lousiness - the Black Knights of Confusion have lost six straight…Army defense expected to be hampered by new NATO regulations requiring hand salutes before tackling somebody, though Presidential directive allowing defense to use flame throwers should yield positive results…VMI so bad picture of cross-country coach is on sport department homepage…Keydets have lost at least six straight games in each of the past four seasons, including the historic 0-11, 2004 campaign.
Be All That You Can Be: 2007 wins came against four-win Tempe and Tulane, who played the 104th and 106th toughest schedules in country…Other win came against Rhode Island, who won four games against I-AA opponents.
Opening Losses: Army: vs. Temple (8/29); VMI: St. Francis (9/6)
8. International Border Commission (Minnesota, Idaho 2-20)
Mitigating Factors: Combined entry mandated by new Immigration Department regulations designed to keep University of Toronto from joining Ohio Valley Conference…B-10 pollsters worried Gophers could play themselves out of contention by opening against Northern Illinois, Bowling Green, Montana State and Florida Atlantic…Rare amongst 1-11 teams, Idaho scored in double figures in every game in 2007 and only ranked 100th or worse in one major statistical category, Scoring Defense (36.92 ppg, 110th)
Insert Witty Lead Line Here: Gophers and Vandals each have lost a nation's best ten straight games.
Opening Losses: Minnesota: Northern Illinois; Idaho: at Arizona
9. Holy Trinity (Notre Dame, Southern Methodist, Wisconsin Lutheran, 5-29)
Mitigating Factors: Catholics, Methodists and Lutherans combine for first ever Bottom Ten Crusade…After eight national championships, Irish hoping to build on momentum of last years 3-9 season and build B-10 powerhouse…SMU enters 2008 with nation's longest losing streak, ten games…Wisconsin Lutheran broke 22-game Division III losing streak in 2007 with 35-16 win over Albion, rebounded to lose last three games.
You Are So Going To Hell For This: Irish ranked dead last in NCAA in Total Offense (242.25 ypg)…Incredibly, four teams did worse than Notre Dame's 75 rushing yards per game.
Opening Losses: Notre Dame: vs. SDSU (9/6); SMU: at Rice; Wisconsin Lutheran: at Northwestern College, Minn. (9/6)
10. North Texas (2-10)
Mitigating Factors: Used clutch, final game loss to snap Florida International's 23-game losing streak to claim opportunistic, first, Bottom Ten crown…Ranked 105th or worse in every NCAA defensive statistical category…Played before slightly more fans in five home games (88,672) than they did at Oklahoma (84,472).
Get Your Touchdowns Right Here: Mean Green (which sounds a lot like Main Grain on the telephone) gives up 40 points or more in a game six times in 2007, 60 or more points three times.
Opening Loss: at Kansas State
Opening Week Clash of the Titans: Temple at Army (8/29)
Founding Fathers Clash of the Titans: James Madison at Duke
No Room At The Inn: B-10 stalwart Rice (3-9) inexplicably left out of lid-lifting survey.
Bottom Ten Alumni Association: Buffalo and Temple combined for eight wins in 2007. We don't know how it happened either.
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