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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 12
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
  
B-10 pollsters are comforting themselves with the knowledge that it was bound to happen sooner or later, but the Rams first win of the season, leaving just one winless team, has hit hard here, though distraught pollsters are comforting themselves that the race for The Dan Henning Trophy could still be a dogfight down the stretch, as San Francisco has lost seven straight and Oakland has lost five straight and there are no less than six teams with two, one or zero wins.
This week's mess, as the nags head up the back stretch.
1. Miami (0-9; lost to Buffalo 13-10)
Mitigating Factors: Dolphins swim out to early 10-2 lead, but bullpen falters, giving up touchdown, two-point conversion and last-minute field goal...At 0-9, magical, winless 0-16 mark starting to show in crosshairs.
Crunch Time: Dolphins showing heart of B-10 champions, with five losses coming by three points.
Next Loss: at Philadelphia
2. San Francisco (2-7; lost to Seattle 24-0)
Mitigating Factors: Offense musters fewer than 100 yards both passing and rushing and just six first downs...Fortunately game was on Monday night, when nobody watches football anymore anyway...This week's game against St. Louis will show if Niners have what it takes for B-10 medal stand.
Now He Tells Us: After seventh straight loss, QB Alex Smith finally admits that separated shoulder, strained forearm, might be affecting his throwing.
Next Loss: St. Louis
3. AFC East Rearguard (Buffalo, NY Jets, Miami, 6-21)
Mitigating Factors: Bills have won four straight against teams with a combined eight wins between them, but rest of division still has three fewer wins than division leading New England.
FunFact: AFC East is streakiest division in league, as New England and Buffalo have combined to win 13 straight, NY Jets and Miami for 15 straight losses.
4. St. Louis (1-8; defeated New Orleans 37-29)
Mitigating Factors: We're not sure what the heck happened here...Rams give up 22 fourth quarter points, but even they aren't bad enough to blow a 34-7 lead.
Great, Now We're Just Another 1-8 Team With Problems: Rams go from adorable, winless laughing stock to just another team that needs help to win B-10 title.
5. Oakland (2-7; lost to Chicago 17-6)
Mitigating Factors: Raiders, preseason #3 pick amongst B-10 pollsters, rebound from 2-2 start with strong five game losing streak...30th ranked passing game, big-play defense will be key if they are to catch Miami.
On The Bright Side: The Raiders are only three games back in strong AFC West.
Next Loss: at Minnesota
Caught In The Lint Trap:
6. San Diego (5-4) - Chargers get ugliest win ever as defense intercepts six (6) passes, special teams produces two run backs for touchdowns and offense sleepwalks for 177 yards, fumble recovered by Colts for touchdown.
7. NFL - 25 percent of the league is 4-5...B-10 pollsters not exactly sure what this means, but they're pretty sure it's not very good.
8. Indianapolis (7-2) - Colts become first Super Bowl team to lose consecutive games since Bears in weeks three and four.
9. San Diego Charger Light Blue Uniforms - Actually, we think these are pretty much the best looking uniforms in sports, but they're included because deadline looms and pollsters are short of material. Besides, the Chargers don't wear these near enough, anyway.
10. Detroit (6-3) - Minus 18 yards rushing, 70 penalty leads to Rushing-Yards-To-Penalty-Yards ratio that we are not bright enough to figure out, but we're pretty sure it isn't very good.
This Week's Clash of the Titans: San Francisco at St. Louis; rest of Miami schedule.
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