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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 8
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
Boy, you take a week off, and, well, nothing changes. The Dolphins and Rams are still winless, the only two winless teams left in the race for The Dan Henning Trophy.
This is causing deep divisions here at the B-10. Who to rank #1? I mean, we don't have those fancy BCS computers to sort everything out for us, like they do in the NCAA, and, both the Dolphins and Rams have legitimate claims to the top spot. To further confuse matters, these two panzer divisions don't meet this season, meaning B-10 pollsters can't just sit around pointing at the calendar waiting for the matter to be sorted out on the field, like in college football, where the top two teams magically meet at the end of the season.
This week's mess, as the field stumbles into the backstretch:
1. Miami (0-6; lost to Cleveland 41-31)
Mitigating Factors: Offense actually not half bad, racking up 346 yards and ranking 16th in Points Scored (21.3 ppg) and 21st in Total Yards (325 ypg), but rushing defense couldn't stop special ed kids running Student Body Right, ranking 31st in NFL in Rushing Yards (168.5 ypg).
FunFact: Dolphins reaping rewards of foundation laid last season, have lost nine straight, and ten of eleven overall.
Next Loss: New England
2. St. Louis (0-6; lost to Baltimore 22-3)
Mitigating Factors: Rams #2 for actually having ended 2006 with a three-game winning streak...Rams offense showing way, as QB Gus Frerotte throws five interceptions and tosses in a fumble for good measure...Rams offense ranks dead last in Points Scored (12.2 ppg), 29th in Total Yards (283.5 ypg) is tied for league lead with 12 interceptions.
What In Thee Hell Is Going On Here?: Rams prove something with 1.2-to-1 Turnovers-To-Opponents-Field Goals-Ratio.
Next Loss: at Seattle
3. AFC East
Mitigating Factors: Throw out undefeated New England, and division is 2-15, entitled to own entry due to obscure B-10 provision allowing divisional ranking when bottom team's win total is less than division leaders and deadline imminent.
Playoff Push: Miami leads round-robin portion of AFC East competition at 0-1, followed by the Jets (1-1) and Bills (1-0), but there is still a long way to go. Winner guaranteed bye in first round of B-10 playoffs.
Next Loss: Whoever plays New England next.
4. Atlanta (1-5; lost to NY Giants 31-14)
Mitigating Factors: Joey Harrington, thrown out of Detroit and Miami after ruining their teams, about to lose Atlanta QB job after stellar 18-for-39 performance...Falcons rank 29th in NFL, averaging 13.2 ppg and 22 sacks allowed are second in league....Defense key, too, keeping Giants offense on field for two-thirds of game.
Mark Your Calendars: America obliged to sit through two more nationally televised, prime time Falcon fiascos on Thanksgiving and Monday, December 2.
Next Loss: at New Orleans
5. Chicago (2-4; lost to Minnesota 34-31)
Mitigating Factors: Bears showing type of resilience that contends for B-10 titles, follow up inspired win over Green Bay by allowing 311 yards rushing, including 224 to rookie running back Adrian Petersen and losing on last second field goal...Coaching key, as Bears kickoff to Petersen late in game; resulting 53-yard return sets up game winning field goal.
Consistency Counts: Defending NFC champs rank 28th in NFL in Total Offense (287.7 ypg) and 28th in Total Defense (361.3). They ranked 16th and 5th in 2006.
Next Loss: at Philadelphia
Stuck In The Garbage Disposal:
6. Cleveland (3-3) - Teams Browns have beaten are 5-12 in 2007, and they've even lost to Oakland!
7. NLCS Tee Vee Ratings - Colorado/Arizona match-up popular in Colorado, most of Arizona, nowhere else! Kids from Maine to Key West thanking MLB for 10pm Eastern starts!
8. NFL Schedule - Dolphins leave Eastern time zone once, for grueling trip to Houston, while Seattle makes five trips to east coast.
9. NFL - "On any given Sunday" tripe thrown out the door as seven teams have zero or one win, six teams have lost at least three in a row and 19 teams are .500 or worse!
10. Cincinnati (1-5) - Throw out obligatory New England loss, and Bengals have yet to lose to team with winning record!
This Week's Clash of the Titans: NY Jets at Cincinnati
Waffle House Clash of the Titans: Atlanta at New Orleans
Lousy Traditional Rivalry of the Week: Kansas City at Oakland
Let's Screw All Our Broadcast Partners: Four NFL games this weekend, or almost 30 percent, feature teams with a combined four or fewer wins.
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