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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 6
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
The 2007 season is quickly showing why handicapping the race for The Dan Henning Trophy - year in and year out - is so much fun, with preseason #1 Oakland and B-10 perennial Arizona both 2-2.
Thank God for the surging San Diego Chargers! And the defending NFC champion Chicago Bears. And with three teams still winless and eight more with only one win there is certainly enough lousiness to go around even without our faves the Raiders and the Cardinals.
And, of course, the Cardinals being the Cardinals, it's entirely possible they've won for the final time this season and will be back in the thick of it in short order.
Oozing into the clubhouse turn, this week's mess:
1. St. Louis Rams (0-4; lost to Dallas 35-7)
Mitigating Factors: Rams actually give up four-yard gain and first down on play that started with bad snap, resulting in Cowboy QB Tony Romo picking ball up 33-yards behind line of scrimmage...Rams give up ensuing touchdown to break 7-7 tie, say "screw it", throw in towel from there.
Uh, Thanks For The Help, Guys: Rams offense has produced two offensive touchdowns this season, and none since the first quarter in week 2.
Next Loss: Arizona
2. Miami (0-4; lost to Oakland 37-17)
Mitigating Factors: Dolphins showing that defense gets it done in the NFL, making up for not-too-bad offense with League worst rushing defense (199.3 ypg)...Miami gives up season-worst 299 yards on the ground, so many that even the lousy Raiders only needed to pass the ball 12 times to win.
If We Could Play Only The Middle Quarters: Dolphins getting outscored 24-3 in first quarter, 41-25 in fourth.
Next Loss: at Houston
3. San Diego (1-3; lost to Kansas City 30-16)
Mitigating Factors: Norv Turner factor in full effect as Chargers have already eclipsed 2006 loss total...Stud RB LaDainian Tomlinson finally rushes for over 100 yards in a game, but Chargers blow 16-6 halftime, go scoreless in second half, lose to lousy Chiefs in type of home loss that sets tone for great Bottom Ten run, return of Marty Schottenheimer.
Snagging Defeat From The Jaws Of Victory: Offense non-existent in second half, with three drives ending in punts, two in turnovers, and, the final drive on four incomplete passes from the KC five-yard-line.
Next Loss: at Denver
4. Cincinnati (1-3. lost to New England 34-13)
Mitigating Factors: Former B-10 stalwart returns to survey, returning to form after four-year run that produced three .500 seasons, one division title, which is more or less a dynasty for the Bengals...Bengals have lost six of seven dating back to last year, and three straight.
Running The Numbers, If Not The Ball: Bengals defense ranks 31st in NFL in Scoring Defense (32.3 ppg), 30th in Total Yards Allowed (403 ypg), 28th in Rushing Defense (152 ypg); offense not any good either, ranking 26th in Rushing Yards (83.3 ypg)
Next Loss: at Kansas City (10/14)
5. Philadelphia (1-3, lost to NY Giants 16-3)
Mitigating Factors: Eagles fly into B-10, earning Jekyll and Hyde Award by following up 35 point week 3 win with performance so miserable it disgusted John Madden more than a sandwich with stale bread...Offensive line truly offensive, tying the record for most sacks allowed in one game, 12.
Get Out Your History Books: Eagles first team in B-10 history to have positive Penalty-Yards-To-Rushing-Yards (1.16:1) and Penalty-Yards-To-Passing-Yard (1.74:1) ratios in the same game!
Next Loss: at NY Jets (10/14)
Caught In The Lint Trap:
6. New York Mets - First team to be ranked in both Bottom Ten polls in same week!
7. Chicago (1-3) - Good thing they benched Rex Grossman!
8. Houston (2-2) - Pollsters not fooled by 2-0 start; welcomed back with open arms following loss to previously winless Atlanta.
9. Atlanta (1-3) - Pollsters not fooled by win over team that was bad enough to lose to them!
10. U.S. Rugby team - Eagles go 0-4 at World Cup in France, the same record as dreaded Namibia, whose team is named after a plant (the Welwitschias) that looks like a crab, if you squint in the right light.
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Arizona at St. Louis
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