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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 6
By Gaylon Kent
The Writer's Shack
With the October 1 deadline for applications to be ranked in the final Bottom Ten poll looming, no less than five members of the Associated Press top 10 indicated interest by losing this past Saturday. And USC gave its de facto consent to a possible B-10 ranking by dropping from the #1 spot despite actually winning their game.
It's too late to be considered for the Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6, of course, as whispers about Notre Dame running the table start, Florida International showed they may never win again and Temple and Duke maintained the status quo with boring, usual losses.
Also, B-10 pollsters are starting to turn tentatively turn attention to awarding the Tostitos Plaque, issued at the end of the year to the team with the longest losing streak in a season that actually featured a win.
This week's mess:
1. Notre Dame (0-5, lost to Purdue 33-19)
Mitigating Factors: Like coach of particularly slow freshman team, Irish head coach Charlie Weiss encouraged by good second half, where Irish actually outscored opponents...Irish tie season best mark by scoring in two quarters in a single game...Seventh straight loss fourth best in country...With 560 penalty yards and 152 net rushing yards, Irish lead nation with 3.68:1 Penalty-Yards-To-Rushing-Yards ratio, a stat B-10 staffers are usually able to put away for the season after Week 3 cause by then even the Little Sisters of the Poor have more rushing yards than penalty yards.
Century Mark: Irish rank 100th or worse in nine official NCAA state categories, including (still) dead last in Rushing Offense (30.4 ypg) and Sacks Allowed (5.8 pg) and next-to-dead last in Total Offense (194.8 ypg) and Scoring Offense (9.2 ppg).
Next Loss: at UCLA
2. Florida International (0-5, lost to Middle Tennessee St. 47-6)
Mitigating Factors: With B-10 pollsters firmly on Notre Dame bandwagon, Golden Panthers wait patiently, quietly extending nation's longest losing streak to 17 games with an offense that managed just 145 yards against Blue Raider team that had been giving 497.8 yards per game...Since producing double-digit points (10) on 9/8 vs. Maryland, Panther offense has exploded for nine, three and six points in last three games and zero rushing touchdowns.
Consistency Counts: FIU rushes for 72 yards, passes for 73, is penalized for 71.
Next Loss: Troy Donahue St.
3. New York Mets (lost to Florida Marlins 3-1)
Mitigating Factors: Mets choke more than whore with fleet in, losing 12 of last 17 to blow NL East title...Team batting average of .299 last week of season pretty good, but team ERA of 6.86 insure Mets become first team to blow seven game lead with two weeks left.
Guys, Can We Beat This Dead Horse Some More?: Mets first winner of Gene Mauch Cup, issued to major league baseball team ranked in college Bottom Ten poll after blowing big late season lead to miss playoffs.
Duke Would Be Proud: Mets muster two five-game losing streaks in last two weeks of season.
4. Temple (0-5; lost to Army 37-21)
Mitigating Factors: Owls recover from 21-21 halftime tie with four second half turnovers, zero points...Owls eight game losing streak third best in NCAA, trailing only Florida International, Dept. of Interior entry.
Putting The Special In Special Teams: Owls can't do anything right, ranking 10th or worse in three offensive (Rushing Offense, Total Offense, Scoring Offense), three defensive (Scoring Defense, Sacks Allowed, Passing Efficiency Defense) and three special teams categories (Net Punting, Punt Returns, Kickoff Returns)
Next Loss: Northern Illinois
5. Duke (1-4; lost to Miami, Fla. 24-14)
Mitigating Factors: Blue Devils actually play pretty good, managing to beat the spread and score in consecutive quarters (third and fourth)...Though defense gives up fewest points this season in a loss, offense stems tide by fumbling five times, giving up nine sacks... 22-game losing streak is a distant memory now, but Blue Devils trying to salvage season by becoming inaugural winner of the self-named Duke Medallion by maintaining double-digit conference (19) and home (12) losing streaks in season where they won a game.
Is This A Football Team, Or A Lord of the Rings Audition?: Blue Devils have key offensive players named (spell check options in parenthesis) Re'quan (Sequin), Jomar (Omar) and Eron (Erin, Enron). We are not making that up.
Next Loss: Wake Forest
6. Department of the Interior (Colorado St./Utah St. 0-9; Col St. lost to TCU 24-12; Utah St lost to Utah 34-18)
Mitigating Factors: With losses last Saturday, Rams and Aggies have each lost nation's-second best eleven straight...Rams lose despite giving up fewest points of season thanks to offense that musters just 55 yards rushing, three interceptions...Recent surge by Army, Navy mean Cabinet resting all B-10 hopes on Interior Department.
Department of Intrigue: With no Bottom Ten playoff in place, Sun Belt, Mountain West and Western 'Athletic' conferences exploring possibility of end of season round-robin to determine worst team, but without independent Notre Dame's assent, plans to bypass B-10 pollsters doomed to failure.
Next Losses: Utah St: at Hawaii; Col. St: SDSU
7. AP Top Ten
Mitigating Factors: Saturday bloody Saturday, as half of Top 10 loses, including three-fifths of top five...#3 Oklahoma, #4 Florida, #7 Texas and #10 Rutgers fall to unranked teams, with only West Virginia having sense enough to lose to ranked team, #18 South Florida...Times are tough in AP Top 10, as #1 USC falls a notch despite actually winning a game they had the nerve not to play very well in.
Equal Opportunity Pollster: The AP Top 10 is now populated with such traditional powers as Cal, South Florida, Kentucky.
8. Louisiana - Famous Dead Person (UL - Lafayette, UL - Monroe, 0-9)
Mitigating Factors: Pollsters pleased to welcome back former entrant, as UL-M and UL-L have combined to lose ten straight...Entry trying to regain mid-decade magic when UL-M lost 14 of 15 (2003-04) and UL-L lost 10 of 12 (2004-05).
Bragging Rights: Though both teams still have navigate way through tough Sun Belt Conference schedule, winner of Billy Cannon Certificate - symbolic of Louisiana college football ineptitude - will probably come down to loser of traditional, boring, season-ending game on 11/24.
Next Losses: UL-M: Arkansas St; UL-L: North Texas
9. Toronto (0-5; lost to York 21-20)
Mitigating Factors: One point loss just eighth loss this century of less than ten points...Varsity Blues can tie all-time Canadian college record of 47 straight losses this Saturday...Old record set by York from 1988-95....Last Varsity Blues victory was on 10/31/01, 13-11 over Windsor...Last one before that 10/2/99, 27-19 vs. Windsor.
Does He Kick With His Arm?: Accounts of the game make big deal of fact Toronto place kicker Joe Valtellini missed a game-winning field goal attempt, implicitly blaming miss on some recent arm surgery he had.
Next Loss: Windsor (10/5)
10. Rice (0-4, DNP)
Mitigating Factors: Owls so bad it's actually easier to list stat categories they're not ranked 100th or worse in: Passing Offense, Rushing Defense, Punt Returns, Sacks, Tackles For Loss...Highest national ranking is 68 (Rushing Defense, 157.5 ypg).
Numbers Game: Of the 12 categories Owls rank 100th or worse in, they actually rank 110th or worse in seven (7) of them.
Next Loss: Southern Mississippi
This Week's Clash of the Titans: Northern Illinois at Temple; entire Sun Belt Conference schedule.
Bottom Ten Alumni Association: Inevitable Sun Belt Conference entry bounced this week thanks to Louisiana - Famous Dead Person entry, B-10 bylaw designed to prevent total Sun Belt Conference domination of poll that limits conference to two (2) entries per week. Also, Defense Department entry sent on shore leave following Army, Navy wins, though Air Force takes flight in race for Sgt. Bilko Trophy - symbolic of service academy lousiness - with loss to Midshipmen.
Strategies of the Great Coaches Series: "For the first time this year, we played a half of football where you could win," he said. "That's closer to winning football." - Notre Dame Coach Charlie Weiss.
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