The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 1
By Gaylon Kent
The WritersShack
Veteran Bottom 10 watchers know the race for the Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6 is usually wide open from the start, with most of the entire opening week poll having a shot.
Not this year. Duke, on yet another 20-game losing streak, is, as usual, the team to beat, as the Wal-Mart Trophy Presented by Motel 6 has been packed and is only awaiting final shipping instructions to Durham. Although Temple, Buffalo and Florida International will field their usual lousy teams, and everyone overlooks Illinois at their peril, the 2007 Bottom Ten title is Duke’s to lose. Literally.
The opening week mess.
1. Duke (0-12)
Mitigating Factors: B-10 perennials bloom into 2007 as sole owners of the coveted B-10 Triple Crown, with double-digit, nation’s-best losing streaks overall (20), in conference (17) and at home (11)...Last win was 9/17/05, 40-14 drubbing of dreaded VMI...Blue Devils ranked 105th in NCAA in both Total Offense (283.42 ypg) and Total Defense (395.33)... Duke has not won consecutive games against I-A teams since beating Army and Navy in 1997.
Duke, Changing Lives One Loss At A Time: 20 consecutive losses isn’t even the school record, as Duke lost 23 in a row from 1999-2001.
Opening Loss: UConn (9/1)
2. Illinois (2-10)
Mitigating Factors: Seven-game losing streak not too impressive, but still tied for third best in country...Ranked 11th in conference that only admits to having ten teams in six statistical categories, though Illini managed to rank in Top Ten in all other conference categories, and somehow managed to lead Big 10 in Rushing Yards.
Feast or Famine...Or Famine: Four wins from 2005 to 2006 was worst two year stretch since Illini won four games from 2003 to 2004.
Opening Loss: vs. Missouri, at St. Louis. (9/1)
3. NCAA
Mitigating Factors: Replaces not-too-difficult I-A and I-AA designations with Football Bowl Subdivision and Football Championship Subdivision designations, which nobody is going to use anyway...54 percent of I-A teams will go to bowl games this year, which is more than the 53 percent of NHL teams that go to the playoffs...Four teams finished bowl season with losing, 6-7 records and three teams actually had to win their bowl game to finish 7-6.
On The Warpath: NCAA mostly winning vital Indian nicknames battle, as 19 of 20 schools have either complied or provided letters of support from Tonto to secure waivers...Only savages from North Dakota are still fighting NCAA-mandated name change to favorite Disney character.
4. Sun Belt Conference
Mitigating Factors: Since starting I-A football in 2001, conference has gone 26-167 in games against other I-A teams...Conference went 6-31 last year, producing single digit points 18 times, including five shutouts... Conference breaks out Kung Fu Grip vs. I-AA teams though, going 21-14, though conference is only 2-2 all-time against something called Northwestern State.
Insert Annual Joke Here: Rebounded for strong .500 mark in conference play.
5. Temple (1-11)
Mitigating Factors: Since starting century with three straight four-win seasons, Owls have had seasons of one, two, zero and one win and have lost 38 of 42...Longest winning streak this century is three...Ranked Dead Last in NCAA last year in Total Offense (215.67 ypg), Rushing Defense (243.58 ypg) and Punt Returns (3.18 ypr) and Almost Dead Last in Rushing Offense (53.67 ypg) and Scoring Defense (41.33 ppg)...10.92 ppg wasn’t too good, either, ranking 116tth out of 119 D-I schools.
Oh, What Might’ve Been: Only a puzzling 28-14 victory on 10/28/06 vs. Bowling Green has kept Temple from owning a nation’s-best 24 game losing streak.
Opening Loss: Navy (8/30)
6. Buffalo (2-10)
Mitigating Factors: Another B-10 perennial...Decade 70 percent complete, and Bulls have already managed losing streaks of 18, 14, ten and seven games...Still, Bulls “Team of Century” claim rejected due to Duke juggernaut and lack of winless season in 00’s, dismissing athletic department claims that 1999’s 0-11 fiasco was scheduled for 2000, but held a year early due to Y2K concerns.
We Did This Again, Why? Buffalo is 12-79 since resuming I-A football in 1999.
Opening Loss: at Rutgers (8/30)
7. Florida International (0-12)
Mitigating Factors: Golden Panthers have lost 12 in a row, which is the second longest streak in the nation, but not too bad for a Sun Belt Conference team...Based on the amount of work Pollman wanted to put into the matter, current conference losing streak of seven appears to be Sun Belt Conference record...Defense not too bad, but offense produced NCAA-worst 9.58 ppg.
The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: Opening against Penn State, Maryland, Miami and Kansas should insure team completely demoralized by conference opener 9/29 at Middle Tennessee.
Opening Loss: at Penn St. (9/1)
8. Defense Department (Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, VMI, Citadel, Boy Scouts)
Mitigating Factors: Pollman considering Dishonorable Discharge for former B-10 stalwart as service academies mustered 16 wins in 2006 as regulation requiring hand salutes before tackling someone was rescinded...Academies also expected to benefit from Presidential directive authorizing use of bayonets on special teams.
Thank God For VMI: Pollman has to slum, reduced to degrading hard-working, I-AA Keydets, who have lost 10 straight, second most in I-AA, and are 4-29 since 2003 and are 17-59 in Double Aughts...From 1983-2001 VMI won seven road games.
Opening Loss: Lock Haven (9/1)
9. University of Toronto (0-8)
Mitigating Factors: Varsity Blues current holders of Continental Cup with North American-best 41 consecutive losses...Last win came way back in Chrétien Administration, beating Windsor 13-11 on 10/13/02...Toronto is 1-55 this century...With Mount Allison ending their 34-game skid last season, Varsity Blues can stop looking over their shoulder and focus on seventh winless season this century.
Enter Own NAFTA/Exchange Rate Joke Here: Have scored one (1) or zero (0) points in a game eleven (11) times this century, and have given up 50 or more points 26 times, including an 80-0 thrashing by McMaster in 2003.
Opening Loss: Waterloo (9/3)
10. BCS
Mitigating Factors: Long-running national tragedy got off relatively easy last year, though try telling that to Boise State...Despite success at division’s I-AA, II and III, high school and professional levels, NCAA stubbornly refuses to consider I-A playoff, suddenly becoming concerned about how taxing a playoff would be on players studies, despite fact most players don’t really care about their studies.
Big Finish/All Together Now: BCS has twice sent teams not good enough to win their conference championship to the national title game and once forgot to send the #1 team in both polls to title game...Once sent Pac-10 and Big-10 co-champs to Miami.
Opening Loss: Ah, why bother...
Opening Week Clash of the Titans: UConn at Duke;
This One Isn’t Going To Be Any Good, Either: Nevada-Loss Vegas at Utah St;
No Room At The Inn/The Bottom Ten Alumni Association: Vanderbilt (4-8), Rutgers (11-2), Rice (7-6), Indiana (5-7), Louisiana – Famous Dead Person (UL – Lafayette 6-6; UL – Monroe 4-8).
Dept. of What Might’ve Been: Normally, a Buffalo vs. Rutgers opening week match-up would make B-10 watchers getting their slide rules out, but with Rutgers coming off a bowl win – even it was only the Texas Bowl – it will be just another Buffalo blowout loss.
Trivia Time: One (1) member of the Professional Football Hall of Fame played at Sun Belt Conference school. Really. We are not making that up. For 5,000 bonus points and control of the board, name him. Email Your Answer Here!
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